oh holy night!
the stars are brightly shining
it is the night of the dear Savior's birth!
long lay the world in sin and error pining
till He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
a thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

fall on your knees
oh hear the angel voices
oh night divine
oh night when Christ was born
oh night divine
oh night divine

*led by the light of Faith serenely beaming
with glowing hearts by His cradle we stand
so led by light of a star sweetly gleaming
here come the wise men from Orient land
the King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger
in all our trials born to be our friend.*

truly He taught us to love one another
his law is love and His gospel is peace
chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
and in His name all oppression shall cease
sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord
o praise His Name forever
His power and glory evermore proclaim
His power and glory evermore proclaim

christmas carol night divine
--------------------------------------------------------------

hmmm...that's my fave carols...
it's really beautiful...
christmas is my fave season...
though CNY you get more money out of it..haha...

went to watch the sound of colours...
it was not that bad at all...
though all the reviews were pretty bad...
perhaps we should really judge things by ourselves more...
after that went to omeet yingzi to pass her some notes..
was surprised to see a familiar face with her...
its such a small world...
abby turns out to be her good friend i think...
abby who is fengyi's friend and in NJ for 1st three months...
the world is so small...
every two person you know is related somehow...

up till 4am to make some rather belated xmas cum new year stuff...
almost perished making it...
hope that it's appreciated...

on my way to deposite the gift..
or rather after that...
(managed to drag siang to walk all the way with me..haha)
went to visit ping whose house is in the vicinity...
and whom is down with chicken pox...
sadness for her la...being a OGL den cant go or O1...
sigh...

its the last day of the year already...
cant believe that a year has already passed...
definitely wanna live a better life and be a better person next year...
grinne...

to all of you out there...

a HAPPY NEW YEAR...
may God bless you in everything...

to the people i love...
i love you guys still...and alot...
esp you... ;)

take care...
have a great year ahead... look at me..
you may think you see who i really am
but you'll never know me
everyday..its as if i play a part

now i see
if i wear a mask
i can fool the world
but i cannot fool my heart

who is that girl i see,
staring straight back at me.
when will my reflection show
who i am inside

i am now
in a world where i have to hide my heart
and what i believe in
but somehow i will show the world
whats inside my heart
and be loved for who i am

who is that girl i see
staring straight back at me
why is my reflection someone i dont know
must i pretend that i'm
someone else for all time
when will my reflection show who i am inside

there's a heart that must be free to fly
that burns with the need to know the reason why

why must we all conceal
what we think
how we feel
must there be a secret me i'm forced to hide
i won't pretend that i'm
someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
who i am inside
when will my reflection show
who i am inside

christina aguilera reflection
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

hmmm...dunno why i feel so damn emotional today...
as i look into the mirror...i see someone with an extreme short
haircut...though it was not intented to be so short...but is that
really me that i see in the mirror...

err...actually i also feeling funny...
just suddenly feels really lonely and friendless...
like i'm the only one in the world out here...
with no friends but here alone...

the people i love i dunno if they love me too...
not that of a relationship but friends and stuff...
sigh...mayb its the time to get some reassurance...
but i guess...it cld really be that i'm really friendless...
after all...i'm not really a nice person to many...

but is that girl that you see and you know..really am...
who i am inside...sigh...

as i think back...
are the friends i made...
really friends who will be around??
i'm so scared so losing...
but wad's there to lose
when you dont even have them in the beginning?

i guess the song reflection jus came to my mind...
somehow it expresses how i feel...
right now right here...

there are things that i couldnt say...
feelings that i wouldnt express...
some stuff are better kept to myself...
cos i'm jus too strong on the outside...
but i'm collasping inside...

sigh...

i feel abit scared...
i feel rather insecure...
are you going to leave me...
right here by myself...

words left unspoken...
things left unsaid...
feelings unexpressed...
emotions unseen...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
there was something in your voice
that was telling me don't be too sure
arousing my suspicions
i have never felt before
i thought we had it made
i thought you'd never go away

but now you're suddenly like a stranger
and you're leaving our love behind
of all the things i was ever planning for
this was the last thing on my mind

when i looked into your eyes
there was something you weren't telling me
but in my confusion i just couldn't see
if there was any doubt
i thought that we would work it out

STEPS last thing on my mind
------------------------------------------------------------------------

the one i love...
you are the last thing on my mind
------------------------------------------------------------------------ when we turn out the lights
the two of us alone together
something's just not right
but girl you know that i would never
ever let another's touch
come between the two of us

coz no one else will ever take your place

no one else comes close to you
no one makes me feel the way you do
you're so special girl to me
and you'll always be eternally
every time i hold you near
you always say the words i love to hear
girl with just a touch you can do so much
no one else comes close

and when i wake up to
the touch of your head on my shoulder
you're my dream come true, oh yeah
girl you know i'll always treasure
every kiss and everyday i'll love you girl in every way
and i always will, cause in my eyes

backstreet boys no one else come close

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hmmm...at jin's house again...
trying to finish the prezzie for the christmas...
havent got the presents for people yet...
i think die already...
like the first year never give people anything for the first time...
still need to go and get the gift exchange stuff...
havent get for the bball team and cell people...
then hor...still got other people here and there like jin yun feng evon etc...
arrgh....
no time no money that's the worse part...
tml got training again...
den no time to go and buy...
den no time to make also...
die la...hopw ah?? i feel very bad...
sigh...

arrgh...sprained my thumb today...
sobz sobz...
feel that training went quite well today...
we did 1.6km overlap today...
it was ok la...
den there were some other some...
then i think some part some of the people cant believe that i actually got some of the shots or lay-up in...
there are still alot of things that i need to improve on...
then certain fears that i have to overcome....

there's dis ger from SCGS that came to appeal...
then she's quite tall...
heard that she plays forward but since she so tall...
i think that coach will let her play xiao zhong feng also...
then he also want zi to play that also...
feels so threatened...
dunno what will happen to me la...
like do i continue to play or he wanna train me to play center...
arrgh...or dont need me at all already...
sigh...dunno ah...
i think that the only thing that i can do now is to train even harder la...
right???

arrgh...i'm doing my online homework at the same time...
den hor i never study that chapter at all...
crap alot...den still managed to pass the quiz...
no time to do already...
so cannot be bothered...
haha...dont let helen tan noe man...
*apologetic look*

i was thinking as i was listening to my discman dis morning on my way to training...
(btw...i found my jersey...yeah!! it was a long story that involved alot of running around looking for the cleaners...and certain rubbish dump in school...haha...but its still clean...oh well...)
then i was thinking that at certain point in time that you will be listening to certain songs...
then after that after the events or the people might not be around anymore...
each time that you listen to that song again...
you will automatically be reminded of that event or person again...
sigh...
then again...this morning i was reminded of the beginning of the year coz of went ting's shampoo smell...coz it was the same one that i was using then...
then memories just flood you at that point in time...
*bleah*
i think end of the year always make me think and feel quite abit...
dunno whether it is a good thing or not...
sigh...

yap...thinking of you...

i feel like a song without the words
a man without a soul
a bird without its wings
a heart without a home
i feel like a knight without a sword
the sky without the sun
cos you are the one

i feel like a ship beneath the waves
a child that lost its way
a door without a key
a face without a name
i feel like a breath without the air
and every day's the same
since you've gone away

i gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
you used to be the one that put a smile on my face
there are no words that could describe how i miss you
and i miss you everyday
yeah

and i'm never gonna leave your side
and i'm never gonna leave your side again
still holding on girl
i won't let you go
cos when i'm lying in your arms
i know i'm home

they tell me that a man can lose his mind
living in the pain
the call in times gone by
the crying in the rain
you know i've wasted half the time
and i'm on my knees again
'till you come to me
yeah

and i'm never gonna leave your side
and i'm never gonna leave your side again
still holding on girl
i won't let you go
i lay my head against your heart
i know i'm home

daniel bedingfield never gonna leave your side
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hmmm...me at jin's house now...
making prezzis for the christmas story...
nope i'm not slacking...ok la...abit...haha..

quite long never blog le...
well..exactly one week...
been thinking quite abit for the past one week...
about the year that has past and the events that happened...
cant say that its a year that i wld wanna relive...
but i'm rather thankful that i got to meet certain people...
well...if you're one of them i think that you will know who you are...

had training yest...well...its actually a friendly against some NUS temasek hall ppl whom some of them used to be from SA...it went rather well i wld say...
i think that perhaps the training tour does help...
it definitely brought the team closer together...i think that it was the most evident thing...
the J1s started to join us for training...geok sis and wen ting also joined the match yest...
i played ok la...they say that there are certain improvements that i've made...
and i definitely got more underbasket in...
but it's not the time to celebrate yet...i dont think that i did that well...
somehow i dont feel the peace of mind...
dunno about wad's going and will happen...
hope that i can make it into the team...
if not all the training will just go wasted...

training again today (and tml and fri) i think that mr tan really starting to train us and stuff le...somehow it will all get tougher...
and at the end of it as it always is...the fittest will survive...
did 2.4k and several other drills...they went better than i expected...
like i expect myself to be damn tired but i felt ok...even with a day of fasting...
it's good to sweat it all out...
has been a long time since i ever felt this good...
i think that the last time i felt this way...people think i mad and arrogant...
but i think a good workout is definitely good...
now i know how you feel bestest pal...
haha...but i'm not a health freak still...haha...
shucks!! i left my jersey in the school toilet...
die la...it's the training tour one...
cannot afford to lost it...
hopefully it'll still be around tml morning...
cross my fingers and pray hard...
God help me!!

the posting results were out today...
i remember last year how i dragged that day...
and was not exactly very happy that i got into NJ...
almost transferred to TJ and stayed there...
not becos of the school but certain unhappy events that took place...
glad that i didnt if not i wld have missed meeting some of the nicest people and some good friends that i've made there...
funny how fate brings people together...
there are thousand and one other ways that things cld have happened man...
haha...oh well...think i've digressed quite abit...
i wanted to comment on certain people who wanted to go to HC coz the bball team there is better...and i rememdered that she said sth like our team no hope kind...rather be in a real good school...so well...we dont force...
then guess she may not be able to make it into HC cos got other 5 even better players appealing...so diff for her...
den she said sth like...if cant get into HC through appeal than she'll come here and play bball...
like so mian qiang...
i dont think that we need her help can??
we might not be strong now but that doesnt mean that we will not improve...
dont need people who look down on us...then come here later act like some saviour..i might change my opinion when i get to know her but for now...i dont think that we need that kind of people...*bleah*
kayes...jus a passing thought...not sth to remember...
arrgh...dunno la...

do you know that i have been thinking of you quite abit recently??
i dunno why do i but i know that i really shouldnt...
i dunno why i'm thinking of you so much recently anyway...
maybe cos i was thinking of the events that happened for the past year...
naturally you were in it la..
well...glad to have known you..
arrgh...ead a load of crap...
i lost my train of thots...
dunno wad was i thinking about already...
so i guess forget it la...

the song speaks my mind...
though not totally and literally...
well...errr....sigh...
i wonder where you were
i wonder what your thinking abt tonight
i wonder
maybe your alone
maybe you've been crying just like me
i wonder
i don't know why i lost your touch
maybe i wanted to be loved too much

too serious, too soon
i wanted you to love me
i wanted to be there for you like no one else before
too serious, too soon
i wanted you to love me

it's been a rainy afternoon
now i'm staring at the moon
thinking we got too serious, too soon

i told you every day
i told you every night in every way
I LOVE YOU!

maybe you got scared
maybe i have nothing else to say
but I LOVE YOU!
so baby now my life's a mess
cos i couldn't love you any less

too soon
it's not right
it's not fair
it's in you baby cuts like a knife
what if you were the love of my life

gareth gates too serious too soon

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hmmm...its a rainy afternoon...
that kind of weather where you'll have all the funny mixed emotions...
arrgh...i admit i'm not feeling exactly happy...*bleah*
dunno la...cant say that i'm not affected by wad hui jie said la...
not only about the church and stuff...
other people dont seem to understand that all that we're doing...
it's not benefiting or profiting us...
but the things that we do is obeying God and to bring the message
of faith hope and love to the people in the world who otherwise
wld not have the chance to hear about God...
people didnt put themselves in our shoes (or maybe they have)
but they dont seem to think that we're also drained and tired
about all the things that people say...all the comments ppl have??
sigh...
i think i may appear to ignore all the things that people said about me...
perhaps...i was rather affected by wad eugene said...i dunno....
well...in the first place...i wldnt say that i'm the most sensitive person on earth...
i know that sometimes the things i say affect other people as well...
sigh...i never in the first place say that i was good-looking in any sense...
or said anything about my bball skills being good wad...
i know that i'm below average...
some friendly comments with the right tone are welcome...
coz they are constructive...
otherwise some things i think that people should keep to themselves...
coz it HURTS!!

the thoughts of wad hui jie said just now still lingers in my mind...
my self-esteem is back to its lowest...
not that i have much to begin with...
sigh...
that is why sometimes i feel that the nicest ppl are only those in church...
not all ppl in church are nice...seen some rather rude and stuff ones..
but generally the ones i know are nice...
they focus on the good and positive...
n they dont judge you or say negative things to hurt you...
i dunno why i'm feeling so stupidly down...
sigh....

mr khoo just announced today that he's inviting the bballers to a chalet dis fri...
seemed like we have quite abit of opportunity to know each other more...
having mixed feelings...
dunno wad to anticipate out opf this...
somehow...if there were to be another negative comments from anyone...
i think i'll breakdown soon...
arrgh...this shouldnt be wad i should be feeling...
i wonder how many people actually love me for who i am...
sigh...
God help me...
heal this hurt and broken heart...

sigh...i dont feel like blogging already...
i think it makes wad i'm feeling worse...
*bleah*

i love you!
sigh... hey lady..
you lady..
cursing at your life
u're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
i've no doubt u dream abt e things u'll never do

but i wish some one had talked to me like i wanna talk of u?
ooh i've been to georgia and california
and anywhere i could run
i took e hand of a preacher man
n we made love in the sun
but i ran out of places and friendly faces
Because i had to be free
i've been to paradise
but i've never been to me

pls lady..
pls lady..
don't just walk away
cause i have this need to tell you why i'm all alone today
i can see so much of me
still living in your eyes
won't you share a part of a weary heart
that has lived million lies?.

oh i've been to niece and the isle of greece
while i've sipped champagne on a yacht
i've moved like harlow in monte carlo
and showed 'em what i've got
i've been undressed by kings
and i've seen some things that woman ain't supposed to see
i've been to paradise,
but i've never been to me

hey, you know what paraddise is?
it's a lie
a fantasy we create about people
and places as we'd like them to be
but you know what truth is?
it's that little baby you're holding
it's that man you fought with this morning
the same one you're going to make love with tonight
that's truth, that's love..

sometimes i've been to crying for unborn children
that might have made me complete
but i took the sweet life
i never knew
i'd be bitter from the sweet
i've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring
that costs too much to be free..
hey lady...
i've been to paradise...
but i've never been to me...
i've been to paradise
never been to me
i've been to georgia and california
and anywhere I could run
i've been to paradise never been to me
been to neice and the isle of greece
while i've sipped champange on a yacht
i've been to paradise never been to to me...

charlene never been to me

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hmmm that's the song that i heard on tv yesterday
when i was watching iron ladies...that gay vball show yap...
hahax...thank God that we didnt see many of those while we were in thailand...
but it's actually quite a nice show...
i doubt that anyone tried to understand them but well...
i think that the show is abit disgusting la...
the dressing up part but some of them are really chio man...heheh...
so sad so sad for the ladies...

hmmm...aching from the training yest...
played netball and bball with e netball girls yest...
i think that there is definitely alot to learn from the netball girls...
their reflexes and passes are good and definitely better then ours...

sigh...there's definitely alot for me to improve on in the coming months...
the new J1s will be joining us for trainings soon enough...
and not to forget that only the best 12 will get into the next year's team...
i agree with wad ah mah say...
i agree that you have to earn your playing time...

hahax...got to meet up with fengyi yest...
been eons since i last seen her...
good to see someone whom you have not seen for a long time...
went to bishan there where she was doing cip...
then there was this large playhouse there and it has those disney characters...
quite nice if you ask me...
but i wldnt let my child go there when i have to pay...
hahax...
well...then she got me this bread from breadtalk...
and due to my carelessness...
i drop it and it landed facedown minutes after we bought it...
poor bread...
and i think that my short-term memory problem
is getting from bad to worse man...
i think it got worse after the thailand trip...
i think somehow we managed to influence each other quite negatively...hahax...
like i thnk just now keyi unknowingly sounded like quanju...
hahax...damn funny la...

arrgh...i'm broke...that is becoz i overslept yesterday...
then took cab to school for training...
then later almost died without mt towel...
so went to but towel from the gym...
and i thought that my house phone spoilt so got a new fone...
but to realise that its not the phone but the connecting point...
sigh...but havent gotten round to fix it...
surviving on my handphone and i think the bill is piling up...
i can feel it...
arrgh...sucks...

heard that brother bear is not nice...
shall save my money from watching it...
i wanna watch love actually though...
hahax...
sigh...no money to but christmas ...
i feel guilty...i shall do my best with wad i have...
heheh...

seemed like everyone is going away from holidays of some sort...
then they leave one after another...
so sad so sad so sad,...
it's a sad sad situation...
hahax...

dunno when then got mood to start homework...
arrgh help!!!!!!
sawa-dee-kar...

i'm back from thailand!!!
it's definitely an enjoyable trip...
didnt know that i have the ability to spend S$400 in just 7 days...

it's a shopping heaven...
but i came back regretting that i bought too many things for ppl and not for myself...
have yet to buy my bball shoes...a bball...a metal water bottle...specs...bball shorts...
that's alot...

the trip has definitely taught me alot...
5 bball games there...
2 of which we won...
some of them are not that good but we didnt play well enough....
i didnt reach the expectations that were set for me...
either by my coach, ppl ard or even myself...
i know that its time to step out of the comfort that i have been in...
and begin to do more and push myself harder...
after all...you will never improve if you dont push urself...
i want to make it into the teAm neXt year and i noe that it takes hard work...
its only 4 more months to go...
i dont have much time...
and one of the most difficult thing that i have to overcome is the lack of confidence that i have...
somehow it seem to ppl that this sld not be coming from me...
but to tell the truth...i do not have much of that in myself...
i know that it's time to do that...
J1s will be joining us for trainin soon and only the best 12 get in...
i want to be part of that....

aLso goT to know some of the ppl in the teAm beTter...
this has definitely brought the guys and giRls teAm closer together as well (including some scandals..haha)
but def the girls team though we may still be pretty much in cliques...
sure got to know my roommate better...
den there is geok...
not to mention that i saw a different side of everyone...
i grew to love these people...

didnt really wanna come back to s'pore...
the past week seemed to be a void in my memory...
it seemed like all the peace and fun was unreal...
not that i'm back...things just got started where it was left...
didnt wanna come back to this place of problems and riots...
i know that i'm trying to run away from the reality...
but i dont wish to face it...
how long more do i have to bear with it???
all that i ask for is to have peace every night aNd have aa gooD sLp but even that seemed so impossible...
i guess that was what i felt deep down when ruTh asked me if i missed home...
who wld miss all the problems and noise and quarrelling??
i rather be in anywhere alse...
rather be in thailand even though i hate tom yam and the toilets there....



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