I get discouraged now and then
When there are clouds of gray,
Until I think about the things
That happened yesterday.

I do not mean the day before
Or those of months ago,
But all the yesterdays in which
I had the chance to grow.

I think of opportunities
That I allowed to die,
And those I took advantage of
Before they passed me by.

And I remember that the past
Presented quite a plight,
But somehow I endured it and
The future seemed all right.

And I remind myself that I
Am capable and free,
And my success and happiness
Are really up to me.


James J Metcalfe

===

Moving Thoughts

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

===

was just going thru my mail and i read all these meaningful mails...
like the world is still filled with love and hope...

hmmm..i have decided to go for a job...
it aches my heart to see my dad so painfully struugling to pay for my stuff...
studies just have to be managed...
now the thing is to find the job...

===


You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla



You are Psalms.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


haha...havent done these quiz(s) for a long time le..
hmmm...half day for sa today...
that's a good start to the supposedly hols...but need to study...
mr ong updated the 2004 sports achievements..
here goes...
volleyball girls - 1st
basketball boys - 1st
cricket boys - 1st
basketball girls - 2nd
bowling boys - 2nd
soccer boys -2nd
rugby boys - 3rd
table tannis girls - 4th
waterpolo boys - 4th
netball girls - undisputedly 5th
and there's more to go...
the rest of the sports...go for it yah??
its a good year for SA...
God is good...

hmmm...went to town with weiwei, vanni and vonne...
then we all ended up eating creamy chicken at pastamania...
hahah...then there's rather endless walk up and down town...
and ran into quite a no of people..
and this rj-pj couple whom we keep running into today...
hahah...feeling tired...all the walking...
looking for stuff to buy as birthday present...
its so much more difficult to get present for someone who meant so much...
unlike some people where everything goes...
oh well...that's the different degree of friendship...
and geok...our friendship def more than the sun k??
though today never accompany you run 2.4k...

===

ting...if you are reading this...
i dont think that friendship sld be judged according to the length of time...
there are people who may be in your life for a long time but that doesnt mean that they will care enough about what is going on in your life to be there for you...i'm just saying about it in general...do you think that he care for you more than the people ard you like yuxing or even your new classmates whom you do not know for as long?? i read about the mail that you wrote about...and i think that it's true...but if you never confess...i guess you save yourself from getting hurt...i dont think that someone who hurts you is someone who cares la...give a chance to the people ard you...give a chance to God...
some of my closer and better friends need not be the ones who knows me the best...
some of my better friends may not be there all the time...everyday of my life...
but they are there when i need a shoulder to cry...an ave to vent my frustrations..
they may not be as perfect people as some others ard..
but we help each other to grow...
though they may not be ard all the time...
they are the ones who are the pillar of strength that you know that you can lean on...
saying the right words at the right time..not because they know wad happened but cos they feel wad you are going thru cos of the connections that you have...
people who are more concerned about your character than your comfort...
and thru their weaknesses and yours help each other to grow and nourish...
i dont know if you wld believe or understand wad am i trying to put across...
but i wld say that we are def not trying to be fake but we really wanna be your friend...
we are not perfect...but we are willing to try to be there when you need us and hopefully we can help each other to grow...we love you...and i love you...

===

sigh...there are so many things running thru my mind
that everything becomes a blank now...
cos they are things that i dont wanna think about...
i know that i'm running away from the reality...
but the reality is so cruel...
i know that life is not a bed of roses but
everything just seem extremely diff...
actually i just hope to have a good env and situation to do my 'a'
but circumstances do not allow that...
oh well...wadever...
God will provide...right???

===

thinking of you right now
this very moment
but you are thinking and dreaming
of someone else in your life...

===
this is for you--

you and i must make a pact
we must bring salvation back
where there is love
i'll be there

i'll reach out my hand to you
i'll have faith in all you do
just call my name and i'll be there

and oh
i'll be there to comfort you
build my world of dreams around you
i'm so glad that i found you
i'll be there with a love that strong
i'll be your strength
i'll keep holding on
yes i will
yes i will

let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
togetherness
well thats all i'm after
whenever you need me
i'll be there
i'll be there to protect you
with an unselfish love i respect you
just call my name and i'll be there

if you should ever find someone new
i know he'd better be good to you
cos if he doesnt
i'll be there

dont you know,baby
i'll be there
i'll be there
just call my name
i'll be there

just look over your shoulders, honey

i'll be there
i'll be there
whenever you need me
i'll be there

michael jackson i'll be there


===

hmmm...
like slacking now in the library...
its a break for weiwei and i...
then the chinese teacher suddenly so nice as to not have lessons...
so we have 3 periods free till 2 periods of econs...
should be studying though...
but my mind is not into it yet...
still in that dreamy mood since last wed...
where everything seem so unreal to me...

===

thousand and one things on my mind...
things that i wish i have an ans to...
like i really need a job but there are serious consequences to it...
like the block test then the prelims a month aft that...
not to forget the most impt one...
the 'a' levels...
who in the right mind wld wanna work now la...
think about it yah??
but no one will hire someone to work for one month den die later...
so any jobs now wld require quite a long term commitments...
there's a dilemma man...
there's also the church commitments to take note of...
few places will hire those who cant work on sat...
so wad's the verdict??
please...i cant tutor...
siang...dont need to psycho me into that...
hmmm...so wad's the response that you sld give to a dad who ask you go work???
not that i'm not used to working...
it can sort of account for the horrible o results...
but then again...'a's really need to study alot...
arrgh...wad am i supposed to do??

===

today marks the end of the a div sporting season...
with the postpone of the rugby and cricket match yest to today...
i pray for good weather today...
i hope that it dont get postponed again...
: : rjc had a resounding win over acjc in rugby finals yest: :
was secretly supporting rj...hahah...so glad that they win...
it was a torture to be stuck at the shelter with some people banging on the drums and stuff and feeling agitated enough cos dunno whether the soccer will continue...
and its not exactly very pleasing to know one of you classmate is in the clud bangin away...
thought the the rafflesians wld have made it der in vain if they postponed the finals as well...but luckily they didnt...and the results...the win...
hahah...i think people will kill me for supportin rj over ac..
but there's the freedom of choice...
not like i'm in the sch anyway...
soccer fought hard..
and i'm proud of them...
the game started at the time that it was supposed to end...
it started at like 7.30pm...
which caused me to not go for my choir prac and pos...
but that was the right choise...
cos if i had gone to the 9.30 prac...
i wld not be here now...
dad id murdering me for staying out late everyday...
anyway...the soccer guys managed to keep a close 1-0 behind vj in the 1st half...
though the ending was a 4-1 lose...
but i think that they did well...
i stupidly went to the nicholl highway bus stop forgetting that its closed..
having ended up walking all the way to kallang there to atake my bus...
rather the dumb...
and reaching home at 10 pm dosent help much...sigh...

hahah...i'm still tickled by trying to picture mrs goh
in a canoeing singlet and shorts...with the paddle and boat...
how long ago was that??
a canoeist gp tutor...
hahah...i'm still amazed...
hahah...


it seemed like every time that you think that things are bad...
you'll grow to discover that there are people that are worse off than you...
had the post season talk...
like everything is so final...
the one week passed so slowly that i thought it was more than one week ago...
since that fateful wed...that we gave up the title with open arms...
somehow i hope that the soccer and the cricket tems will do us proud today...
up against vjc in both games...
and the ruggers up against jjc...
anyhow...it has been a good season for team sajc...
volleyball girls - 1st
basketball boys - 1st
basketball girls - 2nd
netball girls - into 2nd round (1st time i think...they deserve appluse)
and so many more...
i'm so proud to be a part of all this...
its more than winning...
its the team...its the saints spirit...
though its over for the j2s...
i hope that the spirit will not die...

feeling very heavy hearted...
but dun know why...
i need a job badly...
anything to get me out of this...
i need to discover a new sense of purpose...
which i guess should be studies...
but how to when there are more pressing matters...
i need a joB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh God...please bring one to me...

===
hahahahah...my God...are you serious...
i wld like to know that person man..
i didnt know got people appreciate my hair...
not when i'm all sweaty and worked up...
and shouldnt you be looking at your own players??
haha...i thought you were refering to the guys 14....
hahah...damn funny...i'd like to know her man...
hmmm...siang...
are you ok??
i think we need a good talk yah??
and thanks for putting up with all my shit....
i love you...

===

hey best friend...
everything ok??
erm...if you need to talk...
you know the no to dial or msg...
i cant do much but i cld listen...
take care my dear...
love you...

===
ok...was actually online to check out my SAT scores...
but wasted half an hour to fill in some thousand of questionnaire...
wad rubbish...all i want is my scores...
and i dont think its available...
such a waste of time...
now i'm gonna be late for cell group...damn...

went for my first ever blood donation...
and almost died looking at melvin go first...
but the process doesnt even hurt at all...
and i think my blood flow faster...hahah...
cos i started late but finished faster than him...
who almost fainted there...
ok mayb not faint...
but i didnt feel anything...
there will definitely be more to come for me...
after the donation...
like wad jo says...
smile and be happy cos you saved a life...
the feeling was damn good...
hahah...
oh...and got free nail art at the place...
its free for donors...
my god...thats so NOT me...
hahah..

===

when i am down and
oh my soul, so weary
when troubles come and my heart burdened be
then, i am still and wait here in the silence
until you come and sit awhile with me

you raise me up
so i can stand on mountains
you raise me up
to walk on stormy seas
i am strong
when i am on your shoulders
you raise me up
to more than i can be

there is no life
no life without its hunger
each restless heart beats so imperfectly
but when you come and i am filled with wonder
sometimes, i think i glimpse eternity.

You raise me up… To more than I can be.

josh groban you raise me up

===

just a suddenly liking for this song...
i like his vocals
and well...i just like those sad sad songs that i can cry my eyes out...

===

at times i ask myself
why do i feel dis sense of guilt
is it to be in love with you
but is there sth wrong with that
but there's nth that i can do
to stop that feeling deep inside
perhaps time will do its work
or that God will send someone else into my life
to take a place that no one cld
at this moment

===


i never lost faith in my teammates
but the truth began to set in
as the final whistle is blown
tears rolled down my cheeks
but i was stopped from crying
cant i even let out my emotions

numerous hugs and "it's ok"
but that doesnt help
a forceful smile and "i'm ok"
a heart still hurt and pain
tears still rolled down mt cheeks
as i'm writng this

===

we wondered about people congras...is it for the winning the 2nd or for that game that we didnt win?? if its for the finals that doesnt make sense..cos we lost the most impt game..
people said that we played well...but deep down we know we didnt..i see a year of efforts went to wasie because we were not able to play out anything at all...we were this close to fulfill a dream a legacy but we fell short of it..
does it looked like we tried our best?? i console people and told them that we did at the point in time under that kind of situation...but did we really??
never in my entire i felt that we had a chance of winning the champion...
where is all the confidence and faith that was so talk about but not displayed...
i dont know what went wrong...perhaps everyone already did our best at that point in time..
although i didnt feel that it was...
its so helpless sitting on the sidelines cheering and getting irritated at the bad sportmanship of the other sdhool...jeering at us...snd our school to defend us jeered back..there's nothing that i cld do except to cheer but that doesnt cintribute to the score..
there's so much more that we can offer but we didnt...everything is over...
i didnt fulfill my dream..i could have tried harder...i really should have...why didnt i??

===
some dreams live on in time forever
those dreams, you want with all your heart
and i'll do whatever it takes
follow through with the promise i made
put it all on the line
what i hoped for at last would be mine

if i could reach, higher
just for one moment touch the sky
from that one moment in my life
i'm gonna be stronger
know that i've tried my very best
i'd put my spirit to the test
if i could reach

some days are meant to be remembered
those days we rise above the stars
so i'll go the distance this time
seeing more the higher
i climb
that the more i believe
all the more that this dream will be mine

if i could reach, higher
just for one moment touch the sky
for that one moment in my life
i'm gonna be stronger
know that i've tried my very best
i'd put my spirit to the test
if i could reach

if i could reach, higher
just for one moment touch the sky
from that one moment in my life
i'm gonna be stronger
i'm gonna be so much stronger
yes, i am
i put my spirit to the test

if i could reach, higher
if i could, if i could
if i could reach
reach, i'd reach, i'd reach
i'd reach, i'd reach
so much higher

gloria estefan reach

===

somehow this sond just came to my mind...
but i guess its a little too late..
but i guess we're all stars in our own ways...
i'm so proud of you guys...
you guys allowed me to have the chance to play at the toa payoh stadium which is a dream that i didnt know could become a reality...
allowed me to be in a champion family and part of all these...
a chance to be ard all the wonderful people and such a patient coach...
a chance to have so much fun together...
a chance of colouring a life and paint such a wondersul picture...
i rememver how we didnt even dare to dream of much when we all got together last year
but here we were...at the finals...
taking the 4th from off the board in the cafe...
that was my dream and we did it...
its was my fault to not dared dream bigger...
thanks you guys from giving me a chance to dream...
i remembered telling you guys
"champions arent always those who come back with the medals. champions are those who fought with determinaton, courage and pride..."
it was never easy for us...
but we came so far...
i thank you guys for that..

===
i asked God if there's sth that i can learn out of this..
after all He can easily grant us the victory
i'm beginning to see that..
i've really learn sth...
sth that took sth so painful to see that...
to see that there are people ard who cares and love us so much...
people who love and care for me so much
that i feel really bad for disappoint them...
all the message and all the calls...
even the hugs and presence says a thousand words..

===

and those people who went to support...
the whole j2s and those j1s who pon and risked getting suspended...
thanks so much..
thanks esp to the netball team...who did so much by cheering...
esp to ade...thanks for all the encouragements that you have given me..
and being the president of our saints bball fan club..haha...
thanks for feeling and sharing our pain...
i'm glad that the 2 teams got closer...
thanks to the team sajc..i've never seen so much team and family spirit...
we're not just a team but name but we really are...
thanks to people in a21...i love you guys so much...
esp winnie vonne weiwei fely and everyone who went...
thanks for all the support...
though i didnt hear it
i felt it...it meant alot...
to winnie esp...it meant alot...
esp when you're not feeling that well...
and to weiwei and fely who went despite being sick...
to yuxing who made an effort to go and support...
to peggie...who was there for me...thanks...
to siang who were in the rival side but heart is with me...
to many others who cant make it down but prayed for us..

to you...
who went esp down and almost late for training...
for just being there..despite being so busy..
it meant alot...i appreciate that...
for all the encouragement that you've gave me...
for:==>
"you gave me wings and made me fly...
you touched my hands i cld touch the sky
i lost my faith you gave it to me
you said no star was out of reach..."
thanks for so much that you have done for me...
so much that you have given me..
i wish that i could do more for you...
its beyonds words can say...
thanks...
i love you...

===


sadden by the tings i see
just looking i feel irritated
dont feel like doing anything
i hate lies and deception
but they are in the world all ard us

why are there so many hypocrites ard??
i think that's wad people wld think of me as well...
but most of the time i'm just being myself...
actually i wld not have thot most people are hypocrites...
till i witnessed it in the people ard me...
like jus wearing a mask and out to deceive...
who else is like that??
i hope not some of the people close to my heart...
that will certainlt break my heart...

perhaps then...
there's only God who can be trusted...
cos H's the only one that's perfect...

sigh

===

did flag day on sat...
haha there are a few generous souls ard...
sot a couple of ten dollars and two dollars bills...
that's rather nice...and alot of 50 cents instead of the usual 10 cents...
oh...there's is really good lookin woman's soccer person that i saw...
wow...makes my day...hahah
gosh...she's really good-looking...
was looking at her then she walked over and donated...
such a kind soul even...hahah...
i think that i'm rather crazy...
but wad a nice eye candy...hahah...
i think there are people who feel like counselling me already...
hahah..

friday was good too...
you make my day...
having a not productive training spoilts it all...
cos i gotta leave early...
havent had the chance to meet up with you for SOOOO long...
and i had to go for a training that i wished i wasnt there...
and that made me leave like super early....
didnt really have the time to catch up with you yet...
i think i pretty much did all the talking and nelgect listening to you...
sigh...wad to do man...
(there's training later too...one of my last i guess...
tell pple they also dont believe that i'll miss having trg...
but that was my thots on fri...now...
let me think about it...
too much disappoiontments that i dont think i'll miss it dat much...)

===

so many things are running through my mind now...
things that i wanna say...
but words cant express them
there are things if said wld have serious cosequences...
so i think all i can do is keep mum...
why let everyone else be miserable...
when i can be that only one to suffer...

===

for all the times you stood by me
for all the things that you made me see
for all the joy you brought to my life
for all the wrong that you made right
for every dream you made come true
for all the love i found in you
i'll be forever thankful baby
you're the one who held me up
never let me fall
you're the one who saw me through
through it all

you were my strength when i was weak
you were my voice when i cldnt speak
you were my eyes when i cldnt see
you saw the best that was in me
lifted me up when i cldnt reach
you gave me faith cos you believe
i'm everything i am
because you loved me

you gave me wings and made me fly
you touched my hand i cld touch the sky
i lost my faith you gave it back to me
you said no star was out of reach
you stood by me and i stood tall
i had your love i had it all
i'm grateful for each day you gave me
mayb i dont know that much
but i know this much is true
i was blessed because i was loved by you

you were always there for me
the tender wind that carried me
a light in the dark
shinning your love into my life
you've been my inspirations
through the lies you were the truth
my world is a better place
because of you

celine dion because you loved me

===

i hope that you will always be...
someone whom i can lean on and depend on...
forever...
cos i was blessed to have you in my life..
i dont ever wanna lose you...
are you still there somewhere...
shinning like a light against dis dark world??
where can i find you...
when i need you??
tell me baby...

===
Looking through the looking glass
I took a look at myself again
So totally out of place
But no one seemed to know or care
Is this really the world that we are living in??

Down in the valley
I cant pick myself up again
But I need to and fast
Because there isnt anymore time

Six days and thats all that we have
The whole year of efforts is all that
Is this going to be a legacy?
I really dunno

I hope that I can help myself
To do my best for this last time
That I will not look back and regret
But I feel so helpless and weak

Looking at all the familiar faces
I see sth that I have not seen before
That really breaks my heart
To see people as who they really are

Disappointment mixed with other emotions
Who then are the people I can trust
I lost all faith and hope in the things that I see
After all are they the reality or a lie again

We're living in this world
Where everyone is selfish
Or most people it seemed
Where truth are detest and look down upon

I cherish honesty where it last
And the people who cares enough
To tell the truth though it hurts
And not try to hide with a lie

Heartbroken once and again
I rather promises not made
Than promises not kept
How to heal this heart of mine?

***

my comp's really down...
that kinda sucks...
well...almost everything else anyway...

***

little gestures they really matters...
I thank God for the little sparks in our lives
That light up the darkness with their light
Who made this fallen world a little more bearable
For being the angel in the midst of us
To help us pull through it all

***

somone pick me up
and out of the valley
if anyone really care at all

***


the days goes by
everything becomes a routine
doing everythin over and over again
but it'll soon be over
the things will soon get boring
as there's now nothing to look forward to
six more days then its all history
dont know to be happy or be sad

all alone in this lonely tough quest
i dun understand i dont have the answer..
walking down the long lonesome street
that do not have any end
where is the end of it?
i do not see...

looking at the familiar faces
there are things that i found out
things that i wishes that i never knew
the ugly side of all these ppl i thot i knew
i thot i cld trustbut all that
they make me wonder and make me blur
which is the true self of them all
the world is just a selfish place
where most people are only concern about themselves
nothing but that which benefit them
i feel so sad and disappointed
in the lies that i see thru
no wonder people only like lies and not the truth

the bills are piling up
what shall i do
to look for a job
but what about the rest of the stuff
so many things that i need to do
so many disappointment in life
oh Lord..what should i do??

but there are little things and people
that make the darkness better
they are the bright sparks in life
that makes the world a better place
i dont ask for alot
but i like to know the truth
i hate lies and promises that lead to nowhere
if one cant keep the promise
then dont make it in the first place

deep down in the dark valley
but i dont have much time
i need to get out of it
fast and soon
need to pick myself up
now and now
i need to snap out of it
i need to get use to it
dont let the words bother me
move on in life
knowing that it hurts

***

and yea!
though i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death
i will fear no evil
for You are with me
Your rod and Your staff
they comfort me

Isaiah-- God's word

***

i hope so...
i hope that i can achieve that
is there anyone who cares??
sigh...
i really dont know
and dont think so...



the final whistle was blown
the crowd broke into cheer
everyone jumped up into the air
we made it first time in 5 years
we can say that we're not that bad
gathered around with the rest
thanking the opponents and ref ans audience
i was together in the midst
smiling cheering and looking happy

suddenly everything seemed to fade into the background
i look and saw someone looking exactly like me
holding the hands of my teammates and happy
why am i looking in from a looking glass
why arent i part of the picture perfect scene
i look around and wonder
what's wrong with me today

the breaking of the heart
that broke the tranquility
it broke through the excitement
but none seemed to hear

a broken trust
if there is any to begin with
the disappointment
nothing like that ever felt
feel so helpless
not part of it
no contribution
i question my existence

the pressure is weighing down on me
its too heavy to bear
there's nothing i do that goes right
someone restore that trust
someone restore my broken heart

===

hey dearie
thanks for the walk from sixth ave all the way to adams rd
havent had the chance to walk down the road down past njc
where wld i be without you?
always trusting in me and beliving in me
though this time i really need time and strength
i hope that i dont disappoint you
thanks for being there when the rest of the world dont care
when even i dont look right but only you notice and care
thanks for everything
you gave me the hope that there is true friendship
that when things dont go well
there's always the someone who cares
thanks dearie for everything
i love you

===

hey fely
thanks for all that you've done
it meant alot
sorry that i didnt managed to play well...
but thank the council for the great job...
esp whye kiat..i think he's going to lose his voice..
i think you guys really tried...
sorry for screamed at you guys...
cos it was rather close but the ppl not cheering
but you guys did great...
three cheers for council...
(but the timing...heheh...needs improvements...)
but thanks still...

but hose house ppl...
they are ***...ok not all...
but they sld have cheered...
but that's already better than those who never go down..
the school sldnt send those ppl in triple science
and have test tml and cant even bother to go down...
i think they didnt bothered and that's rather irresponsible...
there are tons of ppl who wanna go but cant...
i wldnt say that i'm not pissed but wad can we do??
sigh...at least we won and that helps abit...

===

thanks to all the people who kept us in prayers...
it helped...
and to those who played well today...
keep up the good job...
i'm so proud of you guys...
people...let's do it together...
let's rock the toa payoh stadium............

===

thanks be to God!!

===



i'll say goodbye to love
no one ever cared if i sld live or die
time and time again the chance for love has
passed me by
and all i know of love is how to live without it
i just cant seem to find it

so i've made my mind up i must live my life alone
and though its not the easy way
i guess i've always known
i'd say goodbye to love

there are no tomorrows for this heart of mine
surely time will lose these bitter memories
and i'll find that there is someone to believe in
and to live for
something i cld live for

all the years of useless search
have finally reached an end
loneliness and empty days will be my only friend
from this day love is forgotten
i'll go on as best i can

what lies in the future is a mystery to us all
no one can predict the wheel of fortune as it falls
there may come a time when i will see that i've been wrong
but for now this is my song

and its goodbye to love
i'll say goodbye to love

karen capenters goodbye to love

===

hmmm...
i think that the whole world is still very saddened...
by the lost of a amazing woman that in her short life on earth...
had touched many lives...
though she's gone now...but we live in peace...
knowing that she right now with the Father in heaven...
i hope that the people ard will be ok soon...
i'm at a lost of wad i can do to comfort them...
but no matter wad...
please know that i'm here if you need to talk or just need a listening ear...
*hugs*

mother's day...
not exactly a day that i celebrate...
watching the video in church and seeing all the people ard...
it brings tears to my eyes...
but deep down in my heart...i know that you wldnt be alone...
cos you still have other people celebrating for you...
not like i'm remembered by you anyway...

training.....................
arrgh...semis on wed.........
trainings...................
how do i face all the people???
feel like digging a hole and hide myself inside...
why do i feel so down when we sld be happy??
like after wed and hopefully we win...
we'll be in the finals...
why do i feel so out??
how are you supposed to feel when you're put down by ur teammates...
lie you are totally worthless and publicly criticised??
i dunno how am i supposed to react...
why dont someone teach me??
i never said or thought very highly of myself...
but hearing that really hurt me..and it still do...
no trust or whatsoever...i didnt know i was that bad...
and i have to pretend that nothing had happened...
either i take it as a stepping stone or a stumbling block...
take this chance to do my best for the remaining 2 games for my life...
or to live in the hurt and sadness...
i know that i have to pick myself up...
but where do i get that strength from??
tell me...

===

i wanted to find someone to talk to...
you came to my mind..
i dont know why..
it seems like you dont get wad i wanted to say...
so i just said "never mind"...
you didnt ask again..
so i just left it as dat...
wldnt wanna try to explain...
dont wanna burden you...
i left it as that...
went back my way...
live my life...
as the happy person that everyone knew..
but deep down...
i was bleeding...
with noone to care...

===

You lead me in to Your courts
surround me with Your love
i walk with You
i do not fear

in this place
dreams are made
in this place
where You are

carry me here
in Your arms of love
draw me close to You
i want to be where You are
i want to be where You are

You carry me
You are my strength
i've learnt to trust in You
and once again
i'm reaching out

hillsongs australia carry me

===

thanks all you guys for your prayers and support...
esp those who went down to support us on wed...
i think that meant lot to us...
thanks for sharing this joy with us...
and all that we went thru...
for having faith in us even thou things looked so bleak...

thanks to peg for going down to support...
and kana scolded for standing in the mist of aj ppl...
cheering for the sa team...it meant alot...

thanks to siang and shir who stayed to watch...
siang..thanks for eveything...

thanks to the people who foght on despite on the losing end...
sorry that i used too much emotions in the play...
i cld have done better...
thanks for not going down in the quicksand with the rest who were stuck...
thanks to those who didnt play but believed in us...
thanks to coach for trusting us and not give up...
thanks to those who prayed for us..sajc...vonne...amanda...win...fely...
thanks to those who went to support...you guys were great...

thanks especially to God who were always there for us...
for sending people to help us and guide us...
and looking after us and providing for us...
to God the thanks for the victory...
and to God the glory forever and ever...
amen...
i'm scared, i'm scared, i'm scared
i'm scared, so scared
i'm scared, i'm scared, i'm scared
as the years roll away
and the price that i paid
and the straws slips away

you don't have to suffer
it is what it is
no bell book or candle
can get you out of this, oh no!

i'm scarred, i'm scarred, i'm scarred
i'm scarred, uh huh
i'm scarred, i'm scarred, i'm scarred
every day of my life
i just manage to survive
i just wanna stay alive

you don't have to worry
in heaven or hell
just dance to the music
you do it so well, well, well!

hatred and jealousy, gonna be the death of me
i guess i knew it right from the start
sing out about love and peace
dont wanna see the red raw meat
the green eyed goddamn straight from your heart

i'm tired, i'm tired, i'm tired
of being so alone
no place to call my own
like a rollin' stone

john lennon scared


===

arrgh...
its raining outside...
just makes my mood worse than it already was...
like playing ajc later in the afternoon...
its a game that either make or break la..
so it is rather impt...
dunno why i'm feeling so damn nervous now...
we need to win...
arrgh stress........
but thank God for the vic on mon for both the girls and guys team against vjc...

arrgh...but i need to scream now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dont wanna meet hc in the semis...
so we have to win today!!!!!!!!
arrgh...someone calm me down please............
sigh............

scared..so scared!

===

i'm scared...

===
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