into Your hand
i commit again
all i am
for You Lord
You hold my world
in the pald of Your hand
and im Yours forever

Jesus i believe in You
Jesus i belong to You
You're the reason that i live
the reason that i sing
with all i am

i'll walk with You
wherever You go
through tears and joy
i'll trust in You
and i will live in all of Your ways
and Your promises forever

i will worship
i will worship You forever

hillsong australia with all i am

***
that's my current favourite song...its so nice...i wanna write songs too...hahah...
sat we had a really good cell meeting that really changed my life completely...
yapz...okay...where to start??
cg i think wld be a good starting point...
last year it was quite a horrible year la...alot of things happened at home which i dont wanna relive but it was really bad that everything that can go wrong really go wrong..i was really at my wits already...that time really depended on God for everything and everything...then God provided and things improved and stuff lidat...

then this year finally got the peace that was longed for...i still serve God and everything..but i really felt God saying on sat that i've served and served but i've frogotten who i am really serving already...i ultimately should be serving Him...although God has never left me..still feel His presence being there but there wasnt a relationship with Him la..i guess i even noe that and i wld seek after His presence but i cldnt find it...anyway...this year i never realised all these but it finally dawn on me that all this year i have not been putting God first...there are other things that i seek after...my cca...my friends and even my studies...other things became more important just that i did not realised that...i thought to seek it first is to do God's work...to be there...be available and to do all the things...little did i realised that i've became dry...but God said and i'm really convicted...
He said that to seek His kingdom first is beyond all the things that i do...all the works...but the most basic thing is to seek after Him...His presence...to worship Him..to have a personal encounter with HIm...he also shown me and now i know why last year though everything was not going well..despite the fact that i did not study as hard for my common test and my promos...i was able to be the head nad not the tail...doing so much better than so many people in my class and school...but this year when things are supposed to be better...i've started to fail my test...that was sth that i never understood...but now i know why...and that i wldnt want to happen again...not for the rest of my life...

after i've tasted the goodness of His presence i dont wanna leave it ever again...i wanna seek after God from now on...everyday of my life...not to lose the presence again...cos the feeling is miserable...i wanna be a leader for God...but not a leader that just have the form but not the power...i wanna seek after the kind of deep relationship that i see in the leaders ( like bro adrain and the knind of anointing that Jo have when dealing with the people).. that they have with God and the sensitiveness that they are to the Holy spirit..a leader that is lead by God in all things that will impact the lives of the people and not led by my own wisdom or knowledge but to be lead by God in every little thing...

i wanna pray more...read the bible more...seek after God like never before...that nothin would stop me from doing that...i was never this sure before...to be faithful in the little things...in the lives that was placed in my life...but not forgetting that i'm serving God and not the work only..to fufill the destiny that He has for me in my life...to do well in my studies...to go bible school!!!!!!!!! yay!!

life walking with God is so exciting!!!

***

anyway...wanna clarify sth...the "selfish bitch" comment was not directed at me but at my mo qi friend which is equally bad la...bleah! yapz...thought i sld clarify...i hope that things in class get better though...

*winnie...lian just walked passed #grinne#*

laoba is the best...have i said that already?? hahah...he's sooooooooooooooooooo nice...hahah...bad to say that but evn better than my own dad...but of cos not as good or comparable to my heavenly DaddY!! heheh...
athens ended...no more distractions...hahahah...it'll all be over soon...liwei press on!!

* to those taking their prelims soon...all the best...like i say i dont believe in luck...
and if you are a believer...God will help you through...

*to siang...God will provide for you all things...He has given you the healing and a wonderful family and friends...
He will provide the way for you to be able to attend church and to serve Him in even greater ways...He will use you mightily...dont ever dont that...keep praying...love you...

*huiting...if you see this...i just wanna tell you that i love you...really la...and God has a great destiny for your life...i see you ministering to thousands of people and they will all be so impacted by your ministry...give God a chance and dont deprive yourself of a life that is so excitingly plan and laid out for you...if you need someone to talk to...i'll be here..but you'd need to wanna talk it out...if not i wldnt knoe how you feel..i wldnt promise that i'll be there 24/7 cos i cant but i'll try to the best of my ability...always go to God...he's there 24/7 and i have no doubts about that...

*kaiqi..sorry i havent been able to talk to you much...was really busy studying and stuff..i hope to catch up with you soon...hope to see you come back strong for God...no one is here by chance...love you...

*jin and peg...i hope to talk to you guys soon...anything you guys can always talk to me..remember that...i'm always here...will make time for you guys...but dont keep things to yourself...talk it out okies?? love you guys *hugs*

*my mo qi friends when you guys get to see this...
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hugz* *shy*
hahah
What are our priorities?

So with such a framework, with such an approach to our problems, what are our priorities?
There are many but tonight I would like to list just five of them.
Firstly, external relations, making friends with other countries and protecting our interests overseas.
Secondly, building the economy, creating jobs, helping wages and incomes to go up, pressing on with upgrading, looking after those who are affected by this.
Thirdly, engaging the new generation.
Fourthly, educating, investing in our young so that they not just learning to make a living for themselves but also developing their character and their emotional roots in Singapore and discovering their strengths and achieving their potential, not just for a few but for every child, and also to get them to learn their Mother Tongues.
And the fifth one, I put it last but I'm sure you won't forget it, has to do with more babies.
===

hahah...that's part of the national day rally speech that lasted for 3 hours...long after i finished watching with my dad on the vcd...there's basically nothing to watch cos all the channels are showing the rally...is there really a need for that?? i feel that actually many people are not interested in the rally...really...and all along the govt talk about involving the whole nation its people in their making of political decision...many times they involve only the people in the higher strata of the economic ladder...people like my dad probably cannot be bothered with...i mean how and why should they if you come to think about it when at times you cant even settle your daily survival?? they do not understand the painful decisions that the govt has to undertake cecos of a long run benefit if they cant even survive in the short run..and often than not there is a general prespective that those higher up are snobs and prideful...of cos not but i guess that there is a certain element of jealousy in there as they are not measuring up to those higher up...but even though the income inequality problem does not seemed like much of an issue here but there is a difinite bias towards the people of the higher strata of the economy and this is already relevant in the env of the schools...i mean think about those people who get scholarships most of the time they are from well to do families...noticed that i said most...and wad's their rationale in getting the scholarships?? for prestige?? they dont even need the money to see them through education...yet they are competing for the schloarships with many that may have the problem..its not a personal biasness..but if you are raised in a good environment and everything is provided for and everything that you need to help you improved is there...shouldnt you be the elites?? not that there are no people who are not so well off that do well...but its more difficult...surely there are busaries but is it the same?? not exactly...they does not cover the full tuition fees and stuff like that?? so should scholarship be given out based on the need then?? well..they would say that its based on merit...but i feel if you are raised well...there is a higher tendency for you to do better...what a load of complaints...i know it may sound bias...but i happen to be working since i'm 14 and that is not a very nice experience trying to juggle between work and studies...oh well...if people think is bias then be it...its my opinion...

===
Calming anxieties
So we've got to continue running the marathon. I know that some Singaporeans worry that new PM, maybe very fierce and may push Singaporeans to run even faster.
Let me be quite candid with you. I can't promise you air-con coaches to ride you there in comfort, not possible.
But I think we can provide everybody with good shoes, good coaching, running shoes, drink of water and we'll have first aid points along the way so you can rest and even those with wheelchairs, we'll bring them along and we will run together as a team and we will get to the ending point together.
But remember, finally, it's not the shoes, it's not the drinks, it's the runner.
You've watched Home Run, right?
I watched it a couple of nights ago, taking a break from writing this speech.
You watch the race, Ah Kun, he had lousy shoes, tattered and torn, shared with his sister, it disappeared half-way down the race but he won because he wanted to win.
And I think it's that spirit, that determination, that gut which we've got to get, that we are going to want to run and to win.

===

well...despite all the complaints...i still feel that the singapore govt is a good one and most of the time i agree and support their views...the scholarship thing has got nth much to do with them anyway...its a society issue...
===

I spoke to Jiawei just now after the Games. She was a bit down of course. So, she said: 'Well, I am in the top four. Very sad.' I said: 'There's no reason to be sad. We are proud of you. You've done us well. Yes, you have not got the top prize but we will keep on trying. We will keep on trying. Sports isn't just medals. It's doing our best, trying again, overcoming setbacks, depending on each other, being part of Team Singapore. And our athletes many of them they have made Singapore their home and they've become part of our family and we should welcome them and celebrate them. We may be small but we have high hopes and big dreams. And so long as we are a little red dot in the middle of South-east Asia, let people know that we are a people who will keep on trying and never say die. And With this spirit, the future is ours to make.

"We need to give them wings, expose them to the world, build their character, let them set their own goals and choices, let them learn from their own mistakes, let them grow and blossom and be themselves, guide them but don't constrain them." ~~ PM lee hsien loong, on the youths of singapore.

~ italics are extract from the national day rally speech 2004

♣

Tuesday, August 17, 2004 // 0 comments

hahah...its supposed to be gp la...but then again...today only got 10 people came school for our class (like wad's new??)...*winnie says hi* she's just sitting next to me...anyway...we had three periods of pe and of which one we played badminton with lao3 ba4...who is mr chay...he's our new adopted father cos we feel that we miss him more than our real dad..anyway..he tried to deceive us that he's related to mark chay..oh well..after which we went to the pe department to return the bballs and got "scolded" by dan ho...hahah..cos we dint knock den dint greet him...so we were made to do the proceedings "properly" hahah..after that we ran into the pe teachers wherever we go...haiz...hahah...now we see them we'll "stop, bow and greet" *quoting winnie* hahah...anyway...then lao ba today have money then he treated us to 100 plau...so that's 300 plus...hahah...a day to remember...
today is the 17 aug 2004 and lao ba treated us to drinks!!! hahah
***

I'M DAMN ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
better now then just now...after the running and the badminton!!
heehee...*that's winnie*
anyway...actually also dunno how to put it into words la...i guess being called a selfish bitch arent that nice if you ask me...oh well...and that's because i commented that we shouldnt use the class fund to get the lit notes cos its like the whole class dont take lit la...and its just a comment la...i dunno...hahah...lester was saying that God will rain down fire from heaven on him...winnie say so we must evacuate...hahah...like sitting outside the E block*quote winnie* hahah...we've been practising already..hahah...the block expire already lo...die later someone go tell moe...then sa die...hahah...just a comment to myself...i guess this kind of thing you complain finish then you forget about it one...but its like you walk into class den you just feel damn pissed again...sigh...i though that i can finish this year in peace lo...nothing to say about it la...
*God says that the vengence is Mine!!!! WAAHAHAHAH*

***

anyway...must think of happy thoughts...hahah...david!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*dat's winnie lo* hahah.. *i shy* *blush* *winnie says " liwei!!! wrong! you die!" hahah...we're starting to sound like each other...that i agree with winnie...
hahah...sunday had enough candy floss to last me for two years...anyway it was really fun though its tiring...hahah...*i cant stop laughing and its all winnie's fault!*
#grinne#
alright...think we go off liao la...winnie wanna pee..hahah...

hillsongs united and rev. ulf elkman this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!

♣

Saturday, August 14, 2004 // 0 comments

hmmm...another sat just passed...and there's another guy who got injured at the mrt railway...hmmm...
anyway...today went for the ess econs seminar...it was rather good...sorta helped me decide to wanna read econs at uni level..then its like some gathering cos there were alot of people that i saw there like lingkai and ruichen whom i havent seen in eons...anyway was like floating cos they say that i slimed down...hahah...but i conclded that it was cos they havent seen me in like years..so shall not try to make myself too happy...hahah..oh well..actually also got nothing much to blog about la..but i was online den decided to blog abit...
we did managed to do a 7 rounds run yesterday after our mugging..hahah...really need to study even harder already la...
today cell is good la...about God's legos ans His rhema...reminded me of His rhema for me and that drives me to work towards it...i almost forgot about it already..now that God reminded me of it...i'll do my best to work towards it..it gives me the faith to believe cos His Word will NOT return to him void...i'll study hard and pray about it..yay! God is good!
haha..was telling winnie that my leader--> daniel wore a stripped shirt today...actually most of the time..hahah...reminded me of *ahem* hahah..opps...this infatuation is getting carried away...but having an eye candy does brighten up ur day when need be like yesterday...well...we concluded that yest was a bad day cos its friday the 13...hahah but its also shirley's birthday...so happy belated birthday dear..sorry dint managed to celebrate for you...hahah...yapz...

hey dav...if you happen to see this...wanna let you know that everything will work out one...really...God is the same yesterday today and forever...He was here for you in the past He is still here for you in the situation now too...hang in there...i'll be praying for you...take care...
Jesus loves you and i love you too...*hugz*

*still thinking if i shoulg go for prom...damn broke...how arh? sigh*

♣

Friday, August 13, 2004 // 0 comments

i'm so not happy about lian not being in school today...its like i have 4 free periods before the 2 periods of GP which it doesnt really matter whether you go for it or not cos most of the time...mrs goh jus goes on and on and we're never listening to her...i know that's not very good...after all...i do need a decent gp grade..i mean you do need a pass to get you to uni and a pass is not sth enough worth working for...that means you actuall need to do well la..i mean it does looks better on your cert...anyway...lian not being here means i start lessons at 10.30 and end at 11.50...wad a day...to think that we've made plans to study till 6pm before going for an evening jog in school..i doubt that my notes are enough to last me through the day..so i guess i'm going home to get some notes later...hahah...

hmmm...however to make the not so good start of the day better...the first person i saw today
--> none other than my very good-looking eye candy (as usual he looks undoubtingly good!! i'm starting to have a liking for guys in vertical strips shirt...gosh...i sound so hua-chi!)...hahah anyway...he does brighten up my day man..hahah...

oh yah...i was at the queensway bus stop today...then there's dis guy that looks very much like kelvin seet who is in an army uniform...but then again i wasnt sure...so i dint call out or sth lidat just in case i got the wrong person...anyway...i gotta get on the bus that he got off...so well..nothing much was done to find out his identity...hahah..not that it matters...

dint managed to catch the swearing in session of the new PM yest cos my dad was saying that its boring but indeed its the beginning of a new chapter in the story about spore...i think that i'm pretty much ai1 guo2 person despite my dad being so cynical about everything that is related to the govt...and i think that Mr Goh had done a great job during his office la...i mean think of it...more than half my life he has been the PM..i think that he's good...somewhat God has blessed our nation with great leaders(though my dad can go on being cynical...) and i look forward to the new office and his cabinet...politics though it bores me at times...at other times...i thot it was rather interesting...hahah

* rip this off my email...i thot it was rather nice...*

The Airport

The moments before a loved one leaves for a long period of time are intensely powerful. So are the moments following a loved one's return. At the arrival and departure halls of the airport, grudges and annoying habits are forgotten, differences, insecurities, and selfishness put aside. Our eyes linger for one last look, we breathe in more deeply, hug more tightly, and kiss more affectionately. We scan the crowd for our loved one, our hearts close to bursting and when we finally meet, our emotions just explode.

At the airport, the light in which we see our loved ones is one of utter love. But how long does that light last? How quickly we slide back into our tangle of doubt, jealousy, selfishness, and
anger!

Life and death are very much like the arrival and departure halls of an airport. A mother looks at her newborn with pure love. The feeling that we have at the beginning of a relationship is one of absolute bliss. At the deathbed of a loved one, we too become loving, forgiving, and wistful. But why do we have to wait for those times? Why can't we love our loved ones purely and unconditionally on ordinary days?

That's because we take them for granted. We get caught up in our own affairs. We think about our problems and imagine that somehow our loved ones are to blame. But think about the feeling you
had at the airport. Wasn't it wonderful? How fantastic it would be if you could learn to constantly remind yourself that your loved one is due anytime on that plane with a one way ticket! Imagine how much more love you would experience! And how much less time you would waste on being angry, fussy, or proud!

When I watched the movie "Big Fish", what struck me most was not the fact that the father Edward Bloom was able to add more colour and joy into his and others' lives by spicing up his adventures and stories. What moved me the most was how intentional and focused his love was for his wife. To find her, he spent three years working for free at a circus just for information. He made a field of daffodils for her. He endured the beating of his life because she told him
not to hurt her rampaging fiance. He took on every hazardous mission he could during the war in the hope that he would be injured and return to her sooner. And he spurned the advances of a young girl saying that his wife was "the only one".

Of course this is fiction. But how wonderful if we could love someone like that. Even if we could only try, it would be a good start. Pure love may not be achievable for everyone, but if we remember the airport, remember the light in which we saw our loved ones there, and remember that one day, they too will be bound for a flight never to return, we will cherish every moment with them.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. <1>

***

hmmm...was rather burdened by alot of things that are going on in the cell group to top up with the stress in school and the prelims and every other things...feel that i'm not around enough for the members...i hope you guys can forgive me..i'll try harder all the calls and stuff lidat...i'm interested in your lives...and please when i call you guys pls do not dont talk to me la...i wanna know your problems and if can try to help..esp those in my team...i really hope that i can help..

friendship...its a rather complex and complicated relationship that we often over simplify...like all the promises that we make...at that point in time i pretty sure that we meant all the words that we say but do we really have the dedication and determination to keep it going...it requires alot of understanding and definitely love for each other...clear all misunderstandings when they arise if not...it'll definitely destroy the friendship...long lasting friendships are not those that do not have their ups and downs...on fact it is through all this that strengthen the friendship..but the most important element of this whole wonder is trust..trust that the person cares even though the actions may not show it...trust that the person is someone whom you can rely on even though it may not seem to be that way...of cos this does not apply to ALL friendships...that's why friendships are being classified into so many different category...there are those whom you call trust friends or rather best friends...but there are those that are just by-passers in your life...whom if you trust it can go both ways...either the friendship will grow or that they will just end up hurting you and leaving you wounded and not wanting to form any more friendships...so how do we tell then??

God brings people into our lives..i believe that those in His kingdom are true and genuine...i always marvel at the fact how wonderful fate is...but then again...all these are pre-destined by God...the people whom you know...the people in your life..i mean God knows everything...though people may hurt you but as much as they are the works of the devil...God allowed it to happen to mould our character and to build us and prepare us for sth greater...friendships need maintainance...esp the people close to you...of cos there will be quarrels but therel's always the rainbow after the rain..i use to close myself up from friendships cos of the fear of getting hurt...but i've learnt to trust and there's so much more fun when there are people around you whom you can talk to and rely on...how boring wld life be if you are all alone...esp you need fellow believers to be your friends...cos they are the ones who will encourage you and guide you and help you to grow...i'm not saying that all are like these(i've seen enough recently in the lives of the people ard me to see how fellow believers can crush another) but there will be...and i guess we nees to be open to their guidance if they are trying to help us...

aiyah...basically trust and love...i lost my train of thoughts (too-too) when melvin came and interupted me..but yapz...i think that i wld have let go long ago if not for all the people ard me..and oh...follow your heart at times i guess...i mean you wld become best friends instantly...spend time with each other la...to know each other better make time for each other...damn...this getting long and preachy...but just feel like gotts get this off my chest..
sometimes people tell us the truth...if they are our friends its to help us to grow...others...they are just trying to hurt us...sometimes last year i wonder and ask God why i need to go thru all the hurts but i think that makes me appreciate the friends ard even more now...okay...this getting super long...i sld stop...hahah...i really lost my train of thoughts already...darn...

i guess i was just reflecting at the things that i see in the lives of the people around me...esp my cell people...oh well...wad a large chunk of thoughts..gotta go now i guess...mo qi friends are in class and perhaps get some rest before gp...

♣

Wednesday, August 11, 2004 // 0 comments

i think that everyone who goes to a wedding wld be thinking when and how theirs wld turn out...i cant imagine though but like i told lester...i wanna write a song next time with my husband and that song wld be played for our wedding...hahah...so i guess my husband next time must be musically gifted...cos i'm def not..hahah...but i can write the lyrics...and the thing about him being able to play the piano still stands cos i really like piano music...see la...my dad dont let me learn last time...now have to find other alt...hahah...but weddings are so beautiful...as long as the couple keep their vows...so many people break their vows that it has become insignificant...but that wldnt happen in our church i know...heheh...
dead...weiwei cam cant read the card...so all the efforts that we put in to take the pic of david is gone...and so are my photos of look-alike of best friend...hahah...
oh well...wad a long weekend and i havent done much studying...need to buck up already la...so much more...esp chinese...need to get started...sigh..God gimme the strength..
hmmm...jin...i think that we havent talk for so long...been wanting to call you but dont really have the time...i just want you to know that if you need me i'm right here though i may not be much of a help...but i can listen and i understand...always remember that no temptations has overtaken you except such wich is common to man...i'm praying for you and i love you...always ya...do call me if you need someone to talk to...love you...*hugs*
peg...i know that whatever you are going through seem alot to you but you can get thru it...i'm sure of that...you must allow yourself to..we'll all be here...but dont dwell in it for too long that it becomes part of your life...love you
yuxing...i love you my mei li de mei mei...always...*hugs*

♣

Friday, August 06, 2004 // 0 comments

hahah...its just after national celebrations and we're(me vonne and winnie) are in school doing the "in" thing...hahah...study...cant stand it leh...
hmmm...the celebrations dragged on for a bit too long i think that's cos wayne lim--> that's lin jun jie...only came at like 10+ and they played a 200 chairs musical chairs which i got really bored watching...but today is not without excitement...we were trying to take pictures of and with teachers and we managed funny pictures of assorted variety...
i think that i'm mad over all the things related to david recently...the songs by craig david...current fave and the book david waugh and a certain david whom i think looks good and we were trying to take photo of him...hahah...that was rather entertaining..hahah...oooohhh...he look super good la...die i think its so wrong...and mrs chu's son is sooo cute! hahah...

oh yah best friend...i took a few photos of your look alike whom both winnie and i thot that she dont really look like you after a while...and i think that she must be thinking that i'm stalking her...but its just that i happen to bump into her all the time...at the blood donation, in the cafe, all the places that you can name man...hahah...actually i think that she dont really look so like you but its the feeling...hahah...oh well..she probably think that i'm crazy..we were just saying that hopefully she dont get the "wrong" idea...that wld be so wrong...hahah...oh well...but that's sth to spice up my life for now...anyway...all the best for your coming comp kayes?? i know that you can do it! jiayou...i'm here supporting you in spirit and keeping you in prayers...

"a champion is not always one who brings back the medal but one who fought with pride and determination"

you are my pride! i'm proud of you! love ya! *smiles*

celebrated ger's birthday on wed...havent seen her for so long its good to do some catching up...feel rather bad about the present but i'm really broke...hmmm...darling sorry yah?? i promise that it'll be better next year...love you lots...

was around looking at some shops and i dint realise that the stuff that someone gave me was so ex...damn...i feel bad...i think that i need to treat her better...not that i dont already...but i really feel bad...you really shouldnt have...thanks for all the efforts...

sianz...gotta really go study liao la...cos that's what we're still in school for...
prelims countdown...17 days...suddenly dont like that no. as much...

♣

Tuesday, August 03, 2004 // 0 comments

talk about having a small class...there are only 11 people in class today...melvin and prabs have some diver selection test that they had to attend...then the rest probably dont see the point in coming to school today cos of the short and rather uselessness of the lessons...i mean the only official lessons that i have today is like GP...which is like now and i'm like blogging...
oh well...but i had the chance to do a 10 rounds run during pe just now and a rather interesting "bonding" session with mr chay...who asked if we have blogs and so here i am blogging and making a conscious effort to mention him in this entry...hahah...oh well..
had a rather fruitful study session at the library at the esplanade yest...i guess there are some people whom you'll study better with...and yest was a rather good one...but that's just the start and with prelims in 2 weeks...just starting with my revision is not really that comforting if you ask me..but that's a start at least...
alright...i'm like doing some GP research now...its rather daunting to find out about the rate of child abuse particularly sexual abuse on boys, which is really prevalent in the society but we're like unaware of that...hmmm...that's too long an article to finish reading that...hahah...

***
there are certain things that you've taught me
the art of communication
how to handle disappointment
and how to love without the expectation for anything in return...

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