are you loved because you are loveable or are you loveable because you are being loved?

why isnt there anyone who taught me how to ride my first bike?
why didnt anyone told me that the world only like tall ans slim girls?
why did you abandon me when i was young and never came back again?
why did the other you always come back drunk and tell me that you didnt like the jpb and want to change job?
you said that its not nice working there but have you ever thought of this before --> i dont like my workplace anymore than you do for yours..but i have to put up with it cos i need the money?
why do i have to grow up way before my age?
why didnt anyone remind me that it hurts to have people stab you in the back?
why is it that when you love God others hate you?
why is it that you are miles away from me?
why is it that i still have to look strong?
why is it that people always think that i am cheerful and worries free?
why is it that there is no one i can turn to?
why do i have to go through all that i have to go through?
why? why? why?

i dont like riding my bike myself but i gotta do that
i dont like being abandoned but i gotta live with it
i dont like being backstabbed but what can i do?
i dont like that you always come back drunk, but all i can do is pray
i dont like being ugly and unloveable, but GOd created me this way
i dont like growing up before my age, but i already did
i dont like to look ok but i have to
i dont like being so helpless but now i am
i dont like that you are so far away but i know that you try to be there
i dont like all these things but God have a reason for everything doesnt He?

***

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

:: only hope :: switchfoot ::

***

walking alone in the rain..looking for You to carry me through haha..i'm feeling bored andam amazed that burger king has wireless access..so here i am blogging at the burger king at orchard emerald..wahaha...ohwell...
jus tightened my braces yesterday and it is definitely not a very nice experience..arrgh!!! so i spend twice amount of time eating and you should see the grince on my face while i was eating..ahh..haha

econs mid-terms tml..havent really studied yet but i think that i will be quite alright lah..i think that tonight might be studying overnight if zhigo and daniel..i hope that i do get some studying done though..but tml's paper its at such an inhumane time of 2pm to 4pm and there are allocated place and seat! can you believe that they go to the extent of doing that? its just a mid-terms for goodness sake! haha..oh well and after that i need to rush down to church..thanks to the weird timing!! haha..arrgh...

anyway i had my second tuition lesson with my girls yesterday and i think that it went quite well..i think that teaching 2 persom may just be easier..cos there wouldnt be any dead slient moments as you can just turn to another and ask..haha..but well..my pay is not justified..opps..haha..but i gave them a wrong concept..thank GOd i clearified with them already..i hope that it dint confused them too much..haha


***

When I first held you I was cold
A melting snowman I was told
That there was no one there to hold
Before, I swore, that I would be alone forever more

Oh, wow, look at you now
Flowers in the window
It's such a lovely day and I'm glad you feel the same
Cos to stand up, out in the crowd
You are one in a million
And I love you so
Let's watch the flowers grow


There is no reason to feel bad
But there are many seasons to feel glad, sad, mad
It's just a bunch of feelings that we have to hold
And I am here to help you with the load

So now we're here and now is fine
So far away from there and there is time, time, time
To plant new seeds and watch them grow
So there'll be flowers in the window when we go

:: Travis :: flowers in the window :: first thing...kat jus called me and told me that they are cutting the locks where we keep our stuff over at ppc..what's their problem lah? i know that we are not supposed to be keeping things that and stuff and they are running out of lockers but give warning lah..i hope that i do get back my beloved red pony sneakers..*arrgh*

yapx...like what you say girl there are alot of ugly stories to the ppl..but its not only the case there but everywhere lah..sort of used to this kind of politics already..but they still do exist..like what my anuty daylia says..dont get involved..after all you are just there to get a salary..if ppl talk let them be cos tongues always whack de..thats why sometimes i like to live in my own world..i would do that if i can..but not now..and i think that i might be able to do that when i get to heaven *LOL*

***

just came home from choir prac and i'm glad that i chose to go down today instead of fri..can get some rest on fri and get ready for the mid terms on sat..which is at an unreasonable time of 2-4pm on a sat afternoon!! can you even believe that? which means that i have to rush and even cab down for service..oh man...
just handed in my philo and se asian studies papers today..so its like sth off my mind..but its just an endless cycle of papers and projects and exams..at least for now..but what i wldnt give to have all these than work...hahah..

***

anyway just trying another way of doing my quiet time which i think that is more effective..like i would do my QT first before i proceed to do my work..this way i would not feel too tired and cut my QT short and i think that its working out quite well..maybe not today cos i feel my eyelids dropping even at this instance...boy i do need a major catching up of my sleep...

here's a latest addition to my fave song list --->

Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak, won't let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray
Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord, is You Lord
All I need is You
All I need is you Lord, is You Lord

One more day and it's not the same
Your Spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again
Where would my soul be without Your son
Gave his life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You're watching over me

All I need is You
All I need is You
All I need is You
All I need is You

You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold ... you hold

::all i need is you:: United live::

this also happen to be the song that we were learning during choir today and its the main thing that we did cos the other 2 songs were relatively easier..anyway i like the verse of this song jus that it seems like that is not the focus of this song..haha..but its really nice really...

***

got this new tuition assignment which i still dunno its going to be long term or short term..but i dot get much as the agent get 50% of the first month you see...but the girls are having their promos on mon and my first lesson was the yest and next lesson is tml..so its like you prob wldnt wanna have tuition during the holiday that kind of thing..so i dunno how is it going to work out..but i find that teaching is not so bad..though i was very much worried that it would not be easy teaching j1..hmmm..pray for GOd's grace and wisdom and i pray that they will do well for their promos..but its only 2 lessons with me..i cant do miracles..GOd can!! *grinne*
anyway the tuition place was at hougang lah..and its not the conventional kind at home but we had the session at the mac downstairs at hougang point..haha interesting right? i was quite shocked lah..but apart from the fact that there was this malay guy who scream and shrieked with a high pitch voice that really irritated us..it was pretty alright lah...haha

***

we had quite a fun time over at the singapore river for the geog field trip on sat..haha..the trip itself was nothing much..the only thing that i remember is probably the fact that singaporean are actually quite a poor victim of feng shui..which after further learning dunno real or not..cos oub was brought over by uob despite the good feng shui lah..and do you know that the S$1 coin and the season parking tix is in the shape of a "ba gua"?? like the govt made use of their authority to incorporate into our lives that we had to use it..cos they know that we are all diff religion and cant force us all to bring "ba gua" around..how smart right?? so much for religious freedom huh?? haha
anyway the fun part was me winnie and vonne taking funny photos of henry and tc..and they are totally unaware..its the beauty of modern tech loh..but its bad cos we were supposed to be listening yet we were sitting too far back that we cant hear..funny how henry was shocked at the 200 people turn out..cos usually te group is only 70 max..haha..we're a kiasu batch? i dunno man...hhahah

thinking if i sld go philo lect tml morning..i hope i can wake... woah..cant believe that this week is coming to an end already..i effectively did nothing over the term break except mayb to work and well hang out with my friends..which isnt such a bad thing if you think about it yah? oh well..had the last of henry yeung's lecture and i'm going to miss human geog..funny how last time we prefer physical and now we prefer the human..its the lecturer..i hope that roth will prove his worth..haha..man..

had quite a working out day cos i went swimming and i did 20 laps and after that i went to the gym at night..i feel like such a gym rat now but suddenly just feel that i gotta work out more..and i guess esp so after knowing that our soul and body prosper together and there is direct co-relation..i guess that i better take better care of my body..later gotta wake up early for geod fieldtrip to s'pore river..haha i know that its like nothing fantastic but its still a trip somewhere and we get to go with prof yeung and asso. prof Chang..i wonder how they are going to handle 180 students though...maybe it'll rain like prof yeung hope today? i hope not though..haha

beautiful memories at the coffee club @ harbourfront yesterday as i managed to meet up with siang, wen and ping..we had a wonderful lunch despite the fact that we're all so busy..i guess tat you choose how to use your time and i would say that i can always spare some time for my friends...anytime man...anyway siang dont forget that you are sending us air tickets to visit you in sdyney when you go over next year...
that would be so cool lah..and fely's supposed to put me and winnie into her suitcase and bring us to liverpool...wahaha..oh well..



- i really like this photo..i think its nice -



- siang and wen looking pretty -



- pretty eeyore cup that siang got for me from bangkok -

i think i better go get some work done and get some rest for the fieldtrip later..haha well..it was another day of work for me and today i had to stay till 6pm cos there was noone coming in to take over me..i wonder how come that only happen when i do opening loh..boo..let's not think about it lah..and i do NOT wanna talk about work...
well..me meiyan and her sister..(her sister found me pretty amusing lah..i wonder why everyone think that i amuses them..not exactly the impression that i want people to have.) we went down to marina square..havent been there for eons..and i wld say that the re-vamp is in progress and its pretty good..there are a dozen new eateries and new shops..probably one of the up and coming hang-outs i wld say..we ate cavana for dinner and boy i missed those chicken curry of theirs..
and after that we went shopping abit and i finally bought a pair of flats at tinkerbell..i mean there are places that actually sells flats..i thought that those places are extinct already..wanted to get a watch too but i'm really tight..so i got sth that is more essential --> my pair of flats..here's a pic..hehe


- new flats from tinkerbell -

and i also got a nice postcard from ig's heaven and a pouch for only a dollar..what a steal..actually wanted to get this espirt tee too but there wasnt my size..but thank God that they dont..i dont think i sld be spending such money now...and we went to skin..haha..the stuff there are like SO NICE but well it will burn a BIG ole inour wallets so for now it is solely meant for window shopping and eye pleasures..haha..oh well..and we walked abit more before heading towards suntec..and we wanted to have marche crepe but we dint and neither did we get the laksa we were craving for..its tues so it gelare day..we had waffles and tiramisu ice cream..its a bliss..haha..and then i headed home...and i finally filed up all my notes into 2 files and was looking at the philo question but got no clue of answering them..arrgh and SEA museum report is another headache.boo..tats not fun at all...

***

sometimes i wonder wldnt it be better if i can just focus all my time and attention to studying instead of having to work and study at the same time..that is real tiring lah..the one year of my jc2 life is simply bliss cos i can stay back in school till like 10pm..not tat i'm someone who simply adore school so much and if you ask the people around i aint no nerd lah..but its just like there is no need for your life to revolve around work which i feel that it is now...but there is no way that i can not work cos i needed the money..looking and feeling like a walking zombie isnt exactly the kind of thing that i want to do yah? but there is just sth tat make me stay awake at night..i dont get it..but anyway..i guess that at the end of my education i can be more satisfied with my life, doing the work of God, work and studying..not to mention tons of other things which sometimes i feel bad that i aint doing them well...which is why i wasnt too glad that my life is revolving around work..because i'm not able to meet my cell members for meals, chat and mayb to study and i feel so limited again..like there are so many things that i wanna do but i was not able to..oh God..increase my capacity...

i was thinking that i wanna start another blog to write all my daily revelations in it but i have yet to get around to doing that..so in the meantime i shall pen it down then outside the virtual world..which is a safer choice anyway..

***

have you ever have the feeling
of living through life and wonder where it had gone?

have you ever feel the wind against your face
and want to live your life the way you wanted it to be?

have you ever feel like you're the lousiest person on earth
and all that you wanna do is to dig a hole in the ground for yourself to hide?

have you ever feel so lost
in a world full of instructions of what to do?

have you ever feel so lonely
in a world where there are people everywhere?

have you ever thought that you're all alone
fighting the world to survive in the world and against the devil?

there is a good news.
here is the truth.

your life was never wasted
all of it count, yes even the bad part.

your life is never yours to begin with
your way is not the best the fullest -- God's is..follow that

you're never alone in this world..
you got the Father, Son and the Holy SPirit..

you're never too lost
because in Him you find your purpose and your destinty

your loneliness is a feeling for awhile
dont dwell in it because you are beautiful jus as you are

your're never alone to fight for long
because we know that we have our victory in our Father in Heaven.

Our God is an awesome God. He reigns. Run into His arms and live out the destiny that He has for you and my life. We're never too small, never too weak, never too losuy because in the Father's eyes we are wOnderfuL..

*** i wanted to delete that not-so-positive blog that i put up last night but then i think again? why so i need to do that? this is my blog..hahah

but i wld say that i am feeling better less confused and burdened about school and the rest about me..well..let's just not deal with it at the moment lah..there are other things that are more important than little-o-me..
i was thinking like why people would make comments like "i think that you are someone who have very little problems." on the contrary(yesh zg..copyright to you), i think that many people dont face with half as much the problems that i go through and there is no need for me to go into the details of my unglorious background yah? but i guess that i just dont see the point of making other people think that you have alot of problems because they haf a whole load of their own to go through (yes..unfortunately the devil go nothing better to do..)
but i was jus thinking today(during work..it was quite boring) that the only reason that i can appear so problem-free is the ability to bounce back..and praise be to God about that..cos i guess that like in every situation tat we go through there would be s word of wisdom available to us in the Word of God and at that particular point in time, they become rhema to us and we are able to live through the valleys and the stroms in our lives. perhaps that's why the Bible say that “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’"...

i got a revelation from Psalm 111:10
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom;
A good understanding have all those who do His commandments.
His praise endures forever."

many times i would ponder and think of how am i supposed to handle different situations in my life and when i dont get an answer i wldnt either forget about it totally cos i dont wanna think about it or i wld be so bothered about it that i wld be really affected..both are extremes and hence not good..i guess that this verse has never spoken to me directly before..but last night..it just seems to come to life. there are many things that we lack the wisdom and the knowledge to handle them..but the Bible clearly teaches us the when we fear the Lord and place HIm first inour lives, it is the beginning of a life journey with God that we can lean of the wisdom from above to guide us through the different seasons in our life which in any other sense would never have satisfactory results..and if we do the commandants, we can have the understnding of the different situations that we have to handle. God is good that He will not leave us in the lurge with problems too big that we cannot handle as long as we learnt to trust in Him. Amen.

***

:: Sometimes :: Britney Spears ::

You tell me you're in love with me
Like you can't take your pretty eyes away from me
It's not that I don't want to stay
But every time you come too close I move away

I wanna believe in everything that you say
'Cause it sounds so good
But if you really want me, move slow
There's things about me you just have to know

Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
Baby all I need is time

I don't wanna be so shy
Every time that I'm alone I wonder why
Hope that you will wait for me
You'll see that you're the only one for me

I wanna believe in everything that you say
'Cause it sounds so good
But if you really want me, move slow
There's things about me you just have to know

Just hang around and you'll see
There's nowhere I'd rather be
If you love me, trust in me
The way that I trust in you

***

this is one of the few britney songs that i like..i enjoy songs that i like...haha

went to watch *perfect catch* today with monaqx and geok and i feel satisfied..though i do feel guilty for spending so much money..haha but i guess that it is good to unwind sometimes...and after that as we were walking around heeren..we saw elim chew (thats the owner of 77th street) just outside the heeren 77th street..though i saw her a few times in church..it still feels like woah..haha..i think that it is just me..i have yet to gather up the courage to pierce my ear at the top..i think that i'm just going to wait for bestie to come back during her term break to get it done..haha..and after that went to meet daniel which is where i heard this song..oh well..and after that kat myself and lest went to rouge outdoors *rolls eyes* to get some food..and here's the giant ice cream..ha


-Nuts about you-

then they refuse to follow me opposite to take the dashing andy lau photos..which i still did and i felt like i am so psycho doing something that feels so wrong..i hope that i dint violate and copyright laws here but i guess that they cant stop me from taking photos..hehehe..here's for the pleasure of the eyes...*grin*



-doesnt he look great?-



-here's another one-

enough of andy and research on the rise in materialism..been a long day doing opening and there is 2 more days of that..i think that after this week i'll be scared of doing opening..haha..i shall go get some rest before i really morph into a panda...oh well... My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
-censored- high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

:: you're beautiful :: James blunt :: suger coated ::

***

have i ever mentioned that andy lau is still so dashing as ever? they just got him to do a soviet titus commercial and his pictures are plastered all over the pillars of specialist shopping centre..such a pleasant sight..and i saw him on tv today when my dad was watching a afternoon show..so shuai..heheh..hey's for the eye's pleasure but the ones at the specialist sc ones are nicer..i might just go take a few picturest tml..haha



alright lah..some of his songs are like "does he have to do that?" there was this period of time that i was too embarassed to be known as his fan..haha but in the recent times..i think that he has proved to be worthy of my admiration..after so many years he can still "hun" in the media world not bad ah! and he's becoming better looking..how does he do that?? haha

***

i think that i'm crapping too much..
so many things and so many people on my mind..no..unlike what meahh meahh say..i'm feeling down becos the people around me are down..including him..i hate it when i'm in one of this moods again..why cant i move out from feeling this way?? it really making me upset about myself..arrgh..
do i really look like i have alot of friends? is it really the case? i really dont know.who are the people whom you can really call friends? i guess its in the definition..i'm sick and tired of feeling so helpless about feeling so helpless about my life..i sld take control over it..give it to God and perhaps He's the only one with the solution? what am i supposed to gain out of this??
i wish that the people around me are all happy and living a great life..i dont mind being the only one who's down..i rather see the smile on the faces of the people around..who am i really?? trying to find and discover the person that i really am and wants to be..the line becomes vague and it blurs..so where am i now? who am i really??
arrgh..told you that i cant stand all these crap...
i better snap out of it soon...
its been too long...
man...

***

why is life always a rat race to get to the top? why are the people always so competitive? why are everyone already swimming when i'm learning how to stay floating?
caught in this rat race that i've not been train or prepared for..dunno what to do..learning to breath yet there is no air left because the people have already sucked in all that is in the air..how i long for something simpler..i thought that higher education was supposed to be fun and more relaxed? i dont see that part..instead pple are just trying to climb on top of other people and climb the ladder to the top...
people who are unafraid to voice their opinion and dong so much to show all that they have got..are all these really necessary?? i feel so out of place..wishing back those happy memories of mine (copyrighted by joy chang)..but really..i rather be young again..and not caught up into this man-made and imposed race that carries no meaning..but i guess that this life is all about a race and a journey??
oh God..give me the strength to carry on... jus read this online book by this singapore writer who is jus a year older..and the crap is there is no ending so if i wanna read the ending i need to pay for it and get it..do you think that i sld do that? still pondering...sigh..
why am i such a lousy romance person? read story until i cried! i cant believe myself lah..and its not the first time..i guess that its both good and bad?? ahh well..i think that i'm pretty hopeless...

i've removed my blog music..i cant stand it being so loud..its killing me

term break is here and i guess that most of us cant help but heave a sigh of relieve that we're helfway through..mrs tan asked how was uni life? i guess i dint enjoyed it that much..i prefer the teachers breathing down my neck more if you believe that. oh well..so totally undisciplined and unfaithful in doing my work. yet i know that i need to get things done because there are so many things that are due after the term break is over. arrgh..i wish that i can stop feeling so indifferent about everything

***

why is the world of the people around caving in and yet there is nothing that i can do? looking and seeing the stories unfold like a helpless little child reading a book before bed..already feeling tired yet just feel so much for the characters..but there is nothing that a person can do UNLESS i'm the author..so maybe i can talk to the author about it and there is sth that He can do..but He has got other plans abd other endings..He say i havent read finish..so how long are the stories going to be? i dont know its still under construction..i wish that i can be in there in the book with you but i realised that i have my own book to read as well..i may not write the story but i live it..the best that i know how..but i know that though i might not be able to change anything..know that i AM part of your story..

***

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded
By the black light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound
But no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto
A time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

::untitled::Simple plan::

***

is everything ever so simple?
i guess not rather things are complicated
we go through life thinking and pondering
about life about things about the people around

living a life jus as we are?
difficult and unrealistic
people only care about the good
they ignore the bad and the ugly

who really care? who's really there?
look and think carefully
there is nothing much that i can offer
but i'll say that i can be here

you may wonder you may doubt
i am not perfect but i am just me
you are not perfect you are just you
but sometimes i just needed to know

***

God when you say jump..
i'll say how high -- all the way!

GOd when you say jump..
will i have the courage to respond? i never understood before
i never knew what love was for
my heart was broke, my head was sore
what a feeling

tied up in ancient history
i didnt believe in destiny
i look up you're standing next to me
what a feeling

what a feeling in my soul
love burns brighter than sunshine
brighter than sunshine
let the rain fall, i don't care
i'm yours and suddenly you're mine
suddenly you're mine
and it's brighter than sunshine

i never saw it happening
i'd given up and given in
i just couldn't take the hurt again
what a feeling

i didn't have the strength to fight
suddenly you seemed so right
me and you
what a feeling

what a feeling in my soul
love burns brighter than sunshine
it's brighter than sunshine
let the rain fall, I don't care
i'm yours and suddenly you're mine
suddenly you're mine

love will remain a mystery
but give me your hand and you will see
your heart is keeping time with me

:: Brighter than Sunshine :: Aqualung ::

***

staning alone in the rain
watching people rushing from place to place
in the busyness of life
we forgot to remind the people around us
that we love and treasure them always

listening to the noise the rain make
comparing to the sound that people cry out
is earth really a place suitable for living
there must be a better place we can go to
with melodies that fills the air instead

feeling the wind blowing against my face
the troubles in your voice blows me away
from the depths of your soul
its crying out so much so hard
yet there's nothing much that i could do

***

there are so many things to be done and so much studying to do..econs is a total blank..i miss mrs tan..boo i hope that it'll work out well..just a week before term break and there is just so much to be done..oh well..time to get back into study mode..hmmm..SE lecturer dint upload the lecture notes into the ivle (AGAIN)..and we had a difficult time following her lecture..but like what adel says..since when its compulsory for the lecturer to give us notes anyway..i guess that she has her point there...

fely is leaving for liverpool on fridae..everyone is leaving and it just feels so sad..haha..in jan siang will leave for Australia too..everyone is leaving..boo..

i was just reminded that i love long bus journey where i can sleep and think..though recently is more of the former..i think that i've been reduced to a nocturnal creature which isnt good for me..cos of the 2 days of 8am lecture you see..they sld just abolish too early morning lectures lah..really..and i almost forgot the feeling of taking nice long walks..partly cos i guess i dint wanna do it alone..but partly i forgot that i like the feeling of just walking becos there are jus so much to do instead...

food are totally making me fat..haha..but there is sakae sushi outing with the bballers on fridae..why is everything on fridae? hmmm..i sld really go and workout..i think that i sld go with geok to either netball or bball..too much potato today..i feel like so bloated..and i feel fat..and i think that i'm going into the "i cant stand food" phrase soon..bad..

the original nokia cover for my phone..the white one is $58..thats so ex..do you think that i bought it? must be crazy..haha..boo

know what? i think that i'm just blabbering here..i gtg and do geog tut and new media tutorials..arrgh..after half a semester..i'm just as clueless about the major to choose as i just started..man..i think that i need to go and pray...boo

***

"...i do cherish you
for the rest of my life
you don't have to think twice
i will love you still
from the depths of my soul
it's beyond my control
i've waited so long to say this to you
if you're asking do I love you this much
i do..."

:: i do (cherish you) :: 98 degrees ::

stupid pig lah..i think that i feel so melancholic..boo..its all your fault lah..boo..but you reminded me of this song today lah..hmmm..i guess people are meant to be cherished no matter how imperfect we are..oh well..do we cherish people around us enough??

what is it that you are holding on to? are you really holding on to something tangible at all? or just something that you wish that you can hold on to but is no longer there?

***

promoting JC cluster blog : jcrevival.blogspot.com sometimes, i feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
and i can't help but ask myself how much i'll let the fear
take the wheel and steer
it's driven me before
and it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
but lately i am beginning to find that i
should be the one behind the wheel

whatever tomorrow brings, i'll be there
with open arms and open eyes

so if i decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
will i choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
it's driven me before
and it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
but lately i'm beginning to find that
when i drive myself my light is found

so whatever tomorrow brings, i'll be there
with open arms and open eyes

would you kill the Queen to crush the hive?
would you choose water over wine
hold the wheel and drive?

:: Drive :: Incubus ::

***

that's the song that i love when ngak sing down at acid bar every monday night when i was working outside..in case anyone think that i'm such a party animal..i think that i've made it through SA i can make it through university as well..though i think that acid and alley are still pretty alright..not messy as upstairs and like quieter..not as much smoke as well..but gernerally i think that i'll give it a miss..there are too many things in my life that requires my attention le lah..i was sitting outside gecko today while waiting for geok and was doing my work and i feel like a nus chao mugger...which i hope that i'm not lah..but i guess that the readings and all the work is really starting to pile up and i better buck up..not YOU are not here to kick my butt *wink* haha..but its alright..i'll make it through..

***

just thinking how life have been so difficult for so many people recently..it aches my heart that few of my closest friends are feeling so hurt..yet i wasnt able to do much for you guys..as much as i know that you all regard me as your fren but i guess that deep within each one of us there is an area where we'll never reveal to anyone in this world..perhaps God would be the only one to get to see that side of us..i guess that's just how the way it is...i cant even extent my hug becos there is such a great barrier between us..but i pray that you know and you know that no matter what someone cares...if you need someone to be there..i always say this..i'm still there just as i am where you last saw me and i'm right there where you bid goodbye to me..and to my piggy..i'm always here ok?? love you guys...

***

When the music fades and all is stripped away
And I simply come,
Longing just to bring something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart.

I'll bring You more than a song,
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required.
You search much deeper within,
Through the way things appear.
You're looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus.
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
All about You Jesus.

King of endless worth, no one can express
How much You deserve.
Though I'm weak and worn, all I have is Yours
Every single breath.

:: Heart of Worship :: Delirious? ::

***

i'm able to be strong for you cos i lean not on my own strength
my tears i hide and they are kept in my secret place
but not to worry i'm alright
i want to be there for you
cos you meant so much to me
and to the one who paid for your life with His blood
hang in there cos
i'm hangin by the moment here with you.. tears rolling down my cheeks..
i feel so helpless that there is nothing i can do
why are the worlds of the people around me collasping
there is nothing i can do to help

i close my eyes and pray
nothing more that i can do
heads bowed and eyes focused
on God the only solution..

***

25 Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
26 My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

::Psalms 75:25-26::

so many things are happening in the lives of the people around me that brings me back to the sermon that pst YK preached yesterday..what will happen the day after tomorrow..?
can we even be sure that we are still alive?
i look at the things happening on the lives of the people around me..lives become so fragile..the thought just came to me..what if my dad pass away without coming to the saving knowledge of God? he will live in a Christ-less eternity..many people wonder and criticise us for over-doing the reaching out to our frens and love ones but one thing i know..i wanna have my frens with me in heaven one day. people never understood the reason why we work and toil so hard..but the reason is so simple..its not about the membership..its about the souls..we count people becos people count..i begin to see why pst kong and pst sun work so hard..its not for their own glory really..if they had wanted that they wldnt do the things that brought so much hardship upon themselves but rather it is so that more people can get to hear the Gospel..esp those who msy never step into the four walls of a church..
it is never about a religion..but really sth that over time we'll forget and things like these that happen make me come to the realisation that there is so much that needs to be done and yet here we are procrastinating..thinking all that our helpers and leaders wants are the friends..its the souls my dears...sigh..

i feel so helpless and there is nothing that i can do for you over the miles..i feel so sad and i cant even brush the tears from my face..i feel so useless but i know that my God can do great things..i know that my prayers can bring you places..always remember that God is there for you no matter what..when you cannot see His hand..trust His heart and His character..you may not feel that He is near but He is never too far that you cannot reach Him..lean on the strength of the Lord..find rest and peace..praying for you and your family always *hugz*

***

living and walking through the pages of my life
disillusioned and lost without an anchor to hold on
goes on aimlessly searching for something to satisfy
this thrist within me that cries out "why"

no solution no remedies
i drift on in life aimlessly
i look around at the people around me
laughing joking living a life so carefree

i stopped sat down and cry
where is the love that i was searching for?
the shelter i can hide in?
the arms where i can run into

i felt a pat on my shoulders
i looked up and you were standing right there
smiling at me with love in Your eyes
havent in a long time have i felt i'm home again

*** hAhAh...i'm blogging from the comfort of my home for the first time..err...not really first la..but you get the idea..cos i just got my wireless and broadband internet connection *clap hands*
but there were some complications..see the person dint confirm with me that they are coming TODAY so i was in school already den i came all the way back then i'm going back to school again for se tutorial..feel rather dumb and teh whole setting up only takes like 10 mins..feels really dumb now..sigh..

anyway...i guess there are many things that happened over the time since i last blogged..like i totally cannot believe that i went to take photo with junyang and alex tu..hahah...i guess i wldnt post the photos here cos its like the violation of privacy yah?? and who knows what will happen to the photos if i post them here anyway?? hahah..too much of new media lessons..but i guess that its becoming part and parcel of our life..

i was just talking to joy and i was just thinking wld people actually blog about their deepest emotions and feelings online? i think that paper and pen and ink is still a more ideal approach unless we want the whole world to know about the things that happen to us..but then again..the world is full of weird people..hmmm...

went back to SAJC for alumni dinner that day "Saints of the yesteryears" it was ok lah..managed to catch up with some teachers, mrs tan was rather busy though..and i bought a pink saints shirt i shall wear it soon..maybe tomorrow..i guess that i wld miss the old building after they shift to the new building..it gives a really homey feeling and i guess i wldnt mind the school being small after all the stairs climbing in fass..haha..there was this whole issue of us not able to find the lucky draw top prize winning ticket cos it was with weilin and she left early...so we didnt get the tv..man..i've never known what it felt to win man..too bad..fated..hahah..but it was an amazing sight really..esp alice..hahah..not to forget the trying-to-get-junyang-to-take-poto-with-us incident...i was rather tickled..hahah...and after that we ventured to holland v for a late hangout...
here are some pics...(nope no junyang ones):


=Group photo with Ruth n her baby=


=me with miss ho=


=me with shirlaine=


=me with roommate=

alright la..gg back to school le...sigh...
OLDER | NEWER