EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER!!! it marks the start of the holidays!! yay-ness..haha

i just fell down in the toilet..you think that only happen to old people huh?? i thought so too..but i thought wrong..so still trying to recover from the impact of the fall..pain leh..probably gonna have some bruises..but thank God that i dint bang into sth hard or sharp on my head or sth..yapx..probably need non-slip tiles or it is jus a reminder of one of my post-exams activities -- clean up my room and my house..haha..and i wanna get some sleep as well...

exams...i would say that se1101 went relatively well..to think that i fell aslp while trying to do that buddhism in singapore reading..and i prob only finish 10 articles in that maddness-ly thick course pack that i dint touch throughout e whole sem..but i guess that even if i dont do well this sem..i'm jus reaping what i sown...sigh..i guess next sem gotta really put in more efforts le..but i guess that there is no use crying over spilled milk..so jus wait and pray for the results la...some good and comforting news...geo soc wants our geog project to be kept under the geo soc archives...saying that its one of the unstanding projects..i think its really thank God one when things like that happen..cos its such an honour and not to forget that we only spend 1 day doing it..(well..its not that bad lar..henry yeung asked us to use 3 days only..haha)

***

here's to pick up where i left off yesterday..i fell slipped in the toilet again while bathing just now..i thought that i better do some cleaning so i scrubed the toilet floor..hopefully its better now..anyway i packed my room abit and threw away alot of stuff..i threw away 2 pairs of shoes so i need to add new ones...and i probably need to go shopping for clothes soon..not to forget that i need to get a wallet...if i have all the money in the world..mayb i can do all these but i dont have all the money in the world..so i cant do any of those things..sigh...and my runny nose acted up again after cleaning the room..so i think that next time i need to employ maid or my husband gotta do the claning..so i think he'll jus employ a maid..haha..(uncle..i know what you thinking..haha i wldnt hire your services now..but in the future maybe bah..hahah)

end of the year is coming..and i think that its always a time that you do some reflection about the year that has past and time to start to think of the next year's resolutions all over again..i am going to go take a look at my goal card and see if there is anything that i can do before the end of the year is over..one of the things is probably to catch up on my reading of christian books..i think i'm behind in my goal for doing that..hmmm..

going out for bible study now..will continue to blog a LONG blog when i get back tonight..God knows what time i will get back though..haha HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PUAY SHIAN!!!
(my tuition girl..hehehe)

"When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine," says the Lord GOD.
~ Ezekiel 16:8

isnt this such a beautiful verse?? i mean i dunno how to explain it but its jus so beautiful..like so many times we (ok lar..for me i think so but i shall jus use we lar..) have done wrong and forsake the Lord through out actions and He who is Holy could have easily passed us by in our sins and dirt..but when He passed by and He lookes..In His love..He forgave us again and again..took us in under His wings with all out dirt and sins..and He covered us..what a beautiful picture that is painted here..oh what more could i ask for???

***

in case you do not sense the relief that i am feeling now though i still have one more paper to go...i am really glad and happy and i totally recovered (alright..sort of lar) from my fever and cold and runny nose...maybe it is cos of the exams of that i missed my phone too much..i was sick the whole time its sick and sent to nokia care too..haha..i think that is jus a coincidence lar..heheh..HAPPY!!!

its thanksgiving..are you supposed to thank the people around you for all that they have done??? hmmm..i guess if that is the case...i guess the first and foremost gotta thank GOD..cos He has been there throughout this whole time..tolerating all my nonsense and putting up with all that i have been..not to forget..all that He had done and provided for me...so thank You!!! hehehe...

and well of cos thank God for all the people that He has placed in my life..like the 3 whom i always drag out to go cartel..they know who they are lar..only one live near town..the other two..i take my hats off for them cos they have always been there..not only to accompany me but also to provide emotional and spiritual support..where else can i find people like u guys??? love you guys wor!!! hehehe..

and i cannot forget my beloved mo qi fren and those of my beloved jc class (obviously i am not talking about everyone but most of them anyway..*wink*) love you guys it has been great knowing you all lor...hehehe..lets carry out our after-the-exams plans before weiwei get expelled into the universe..haha..*hugx*

and how can i miss out one very important person who is now wrapped in thick layers in the snow covered U.S.A..she (haha...this time i AM talking about you *wink*) has always been there despite the distance and the hassles...you mean alot darling!! cant wait for you to be beck here!!! take care and till i see you again...*hugzzz*

hmmm..i realised if i wanna blog hor got alot of people that i must mention wor..but cannot forget my daddy who has done so much for me and cannot forget my beloved cell group wor and my daughters and xiao mei..heheh..and the so-very-nice yokewan who msg me to wish me all the best for my exams...*the rest you guys can go and repent* haha..and so many many many others including those who are my enemies (seriously i dunno who are they but they know..so well...) they taught me alot also lar..haha...

basically i guess jus thank GOd is enough lar...hahaha...
so much thanking for today man...

today worked this events thing at sentosa..and as usually i am burnt..haha..so that is nothing new..but i had fun..i like these kind of work where you enjoy yourself while working..better than that kind that you have to deal with all the issues and problems that makes life miserable..but i guess i'll learn to give thanks in everything cos there is sth that i can learn from all these...heehee... you know what i sld really be studying for tml's new media paper ever more so since i totally messed up philo, econs and geog..but am totally not in the mood..my phone's at nokia care, i need care and healing from above and totally not in the state of mind to do of all things --> studying..but after tml..there's only one more paper to go..hang in there liwei!!!

the weather is BAD..its so cold..arrgh..i was totally freezing in the mpsh hall..and i think that triggers the marathon that my nose has been on since this morning..man..sickness is always the symptoms of my exams..which is not too good..
i know that i havent been studying..and i am someone who believe that you reap what you sow..since i dint sow anything i dont expect to reap much either..but jus repent and pray that GOd will have mercy on me and pray for His grace to go through the rest of the papers and i pray that the markers will be nice...(pray that the angel's hands will guide the markers..*wink* oh well..

i got a new hair cut..its a refreshing look..somewhat different from previously and i hope that it will look ok to people...

shopping..window shopping..saw a couple of things that i wanna get..mostly clothes..hoping for new clothes for expo and also jus to add to the miserable amount of clothes that i have..i wanna get boots too..and new flats and heels..pretty much want alot of clothes and accessories..and a new wallet..haha..i think i want alot of things..wanna get things for people for christmas..i need money in order to do all that..i think that after the exams..i need to work to get the money for all these..hmmm..pray that God will open doors and hmmm..yar larx..maybe major sales will be good...haha

harrp potter and the globet of fire..not too bad..but i thought that it was a wee bit scary..i dont really like eerie stuff..wonder and ponders if they are still going to act in the next harry potter film...*hmm You'll never know, what you've done for me
What your faith in me, has done for my soul
You'll never know the gift you've given me
I'll carry it with me, yeah yeah

Through the days ahead I'll think of days before
You made me hope for something better
And made me reach for something more

You taught me to run,
You taught me to fly
Helped me to free the me inside
Helped me hear the music of my heart

Helped me hear the music of my heart
You opened my eyes,
You opened the door
To something I've never known before
And your love, is the music of my heart

You were the one, always on my side
Always standing by
Seeing me through
You were the song that always made me sing
I'm singing this for you
Everywhere I go I'll think of where I've been
I'm singing this for you
Everywhere I go, I'll think of where I've been
And all of ones you knew me
better then any One ever will again

What you've taught me,
Only your love could ever teach me
You got through when no one could reach me before
Cuz you always saw in me
All the best that I could be
It was you who set me free

::music of my heart:: N'sync & Gloria Estefan ::

alright..this is to those of you who has been with me through thick and thin and for those who has put up with me and who i am..dunno why i am reminded of this song today but i am and here it is up here on this blog..

actually as i read through the lyrics..i thought of someone..someone who has always encouraged me and believed in me even though i do not believe in myself..someone who gave me room to fail and fall and then still believe in God's calling in my life..the past 2 years has been great knowing you and i know that God has brought you into my life for a reason..you taught me so much and now through this though its painful..but through this i guess i have grown to know myself better and grown more as a person..will be praying for you jus the way that you have been praying for me and is still praying for us..i dont think that we will ever forget someone like you who has made an impact in my life..thanks for everything..(i dont think you will ever read this though..haha..but well i never know if you will)

its time to move on..be focus on the things that i am supposed to do..i'm glad for today not only becos pastor preached a great sermon but also there are certain misunderstanding that has been cleared..and jus felt as if a load has been lifted and i am feeling light now..woah..that is a good feeling..overnight prayer meeting -- that musy have been the cause of it..we will shine for Your Glory, Lord..so much for wanting to be focus..haha..i've digressed..but i know thay after 2 whole weeks of feeling crappy and living in my illusion..i know that i have to move on, not that i am being wang en fu yi..but i cant dwell in this forever..and this is jus a distraction from what God has in store..moreover..whatever God has allowed to happen happens according to His timing and His purpose and i believe that all things work out for good for those who love Him...(my fellow choir- mate..will be praying for you..if you wanna talk or anything..look for me..i'll listen!! *smiles*)

growth..that is sth that is coming our way..gotta be geared up for it and build up the momentum for it..prayer and fastings to accompany our desires..for a while i thought that this is going to take the backseat but i am wrong to even think this way..how can i ever think that i want to move out of God's purpose and desires?? gotta grow in spite of and despite of..what in the world was wrong with me then?? hello liwei..come back to earth!!! we are going to grow..individually, coporately..in spirit and in numbers..and God this we do on the promises that You have given to us..not by our own strength or might but by YOur spirit...!! be with is i pray Lord..REVIVE us!!!! philo today was totally hopeless (you said to let you know how it went right??) it was different from the past years papers and its from glory to glory..i jus hope that it will not be that bad..and hopefully the bell curve will help for once..and hello people..i didnt bring a chinese dictionary..i brought a english-chinese dictionary..it was for philo paper and not CHINESE..i gave up on chinese not long after i got my results this year..not that i dont like it but its jus sth that i never managed to excel in..oh well...

alright one down, four more to go..its at times like this that you start thinking about your major and that is a pretty bad thing especially for me..cos i was all long thinking of doing econs..but there are ALOT of people trying to persuade me not to do that and there is jus this dilemma inside..well..i still have time to think i guess...but i decided NO philo and those history subjects..i think i am more into social sciences and sth that you can apply in the real world..

the nus library is once again full of people..does anyone know that such intense studying is detrimental to the health..i thought that people say that 'A' levels is the worse exams that you ever have to go through..here at nus and prob the other universities in singapore --> its " 'A' levels" every end of semester..i wonder is there a single soul who is not out to compete...that is when people like me is getting really scared..to tell the truth the first time i felt the stress of the exams was last night..i know that's late..i guess i really need to mug for the rest of the papers and not let today repeat itself..but for now..i'm off to hit the bed as i take a nap from the lack of sleep (though i did some ZZZ-ing in the mpsh exams hall jus now..haha)

did i mention that the biz western food is nice??

money deficit!! but i know that my God shall supply all my needs.

thinking thinking thinking again...but about what?? i dunno jus feel that there are alot of things running through my mind now at this very moment... HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL, HUITING AND MICHELLE!!!

NUS is really a scary place..who says that 'A' levels is probably the worse stretch of your education..welcome to NUS a place of competition, muggers and people who are out to defeat you..i have never seen a place so filled with people(oh well..except in church..) alright..filled with people studying and well full of mosquitoes..but i guess that it finally knock some sense into me that i need to study..but i guess that realising that 3 days before your first paper is of no use huh?? oh well..too late..time foregone...opportunity cost that has been wasted and not retrievable...lost in the river of the eternity of time..

i decided if i am going to stand there and let the devil defeat me..i might as well stand up and fight him..if i thought that my problems are big..there is always someone else in the world with bigger problems and more things to handle..i guess it all boils down to out capacity to handle the things in our lives. in the past few weeks, i have witnessed so much that anythin else that happens probably wouldnt affect me that much anymore..i have made my decision in the morning and i shall stick to it..even though it might not be easy but i know that i can do it..God can turn my mourning into dancing..there is no use that i dwell in mourning..instead i sld pray for all these people..becos there is nothing that i do that can help them as much as praying for them..i think that is like the only thing that i can do...
thank God for sending people into my life to help me and i guess that it is through times like these that you will realise that who are the people who are there with you and who are those who are just there watching..all that i have been through in the past few years cannot be compared to the past few weeks where i have learnt so much..and i saw many things that really got me thinking...

i was so happy today..i managed to get sth done..the feeling of being in control of sth is simply fantastic..i guess i have not felt that there was anything that i can control in the past few weeks..even my own emotions...but i have to overcome that..becos i have to move on..though it was nothing great but i felt that i have done sth and i am happy and i shall apply that to the coming exams as well..before i start to get the results and regret..i know that there is probebly not that much time left to study i guess that i will jus do the best..repent from not studying and pray that GOd will do the rest...

i bumped into Yunhong today..it was really a surprise..and i guess that he hasnt changed muchin looks but he looks..okok he is bigger as in more built and still as tall..its was quite funny lar..havent seen that group of people for about a year or two le..but i can hear from the way that he talk that he has really changed and he is different now..maybe think better and further le bah?? i dunno but its good knowing that when i bump into people they still talk to me and i guess that it is always good tat you see people that you know once in a while..take care my dear friend..God knows when i will bump into you again...

i have realised sth..tears are not signs of my incompetence..it is a sign of knowing that i need help and guidance only You can give to me.. if there is actually a cave around here in Singapore..let me know yah?? i'll drop everything that i'm holding on to right now and jump on the next bus there and spend a good time there to escape the reality of life and the existence of the devil (but then again..he'll irritatingly be there even if i want to hide..so abit no point right??) but seiously want to hideout away from this world from the exams, people problems, work, and just rest. maybe not entirely..becos i'll be thinking alot and worrying. ha. sounds funny that i finally worrying that exams are here and i have yet to hit the books..(well, i started reading my notes ok?)..but i guess i jus wanna get away for awhile away from all these things..out of sight, out of mind?? mayb that's why so many of you are getting away leaving me here to handle these on my own..wouldnt be half as bad if i were to handle them one by one..but not having this mountain of problems to deal with all with one go..the me that i know in the past would have probably handled it quite well..heartlessly but getting things done..funny how i wanted myself to change for better..feel more for the things and people around me..be more sensitive..and now becos of that..i'm feeling too much..holding on too much..thinking too much that my heart is unable to handle the problems that are set before me..

but hiding is jus an illusion becos that will never happen..and i dont think that i would ever get to do that..change is the only constant in life..haha..so if you were to put it into a mathematically eqaution..alright..i will not go into that..but as much as i hated all these things and stuff that i have to handle..the devil placed them in my life and God allowed it..it meant that i have the ability to overcome it..becos Gpd will never let me go through sth that i have no capability of handling..but i probably cant do it with my own strength but only with His..oh..i really hope that all these will draw me closer to God..if not i'll just drop dead soon without strength from above..

never felt so vulnerable and out of control of the things around me..maybe i tried to control it too much in the past..maybe thats why when i try to release all these feelings..it flood me like a big wave that i cannot take its drastic effects too well..how does a child handle the things that only adults are capable of?? oh God increase in my life that i can do more..so much more for you..



are tears a sign of incapability to handle the things around me?? THE CONDITION OF MY HEART DETERMINES THE DIRECTION OF MY LIFE.

Luke 6:45 (NKJV)

“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

Christianity is a heart issue. We, as believers, must live life from the inside out. Society tells us that if we can change our environment we can change our lives. Many have believed that only to find themselves back where they first started. We must remember that the life we live on the outside is a reflection of who we are on the inside.

If we don’t like the way we act at times; if we don’t like the attitude we possess; if we don’t like the thoughts we embrace; the answer lies not in the surroundings we see, but within our hearts. If we desire to live as Christ did, we must cultivate the heart of Christ. Victory, freedom, health, and wisdom all originate in the heart before they are evident in the natural. 3 John 2 states, “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.”

The abundant life God desires for all of us will only be granted to those who are committed to capturing and embracing the heart of God. Pursue God’s heart today.

***

that above is from the daily success keys by pastor Robb Thompson..and i am always amazed at how God always seem to speak to me through different people and different mediums..really..like how cool is that..
that day i just realised that somehow everytime during my exams..alot of things will start to happen and becos of that i have no or very little time and mood to study..but even though the devil is the one who planned all these..but if God allowed this to happen means that i have the capacity and the ability to handle them..with God's help of cos..and when everythin turns out well and that i managed to handle more things then just studying..it is not my own strength but God's grace and His greatness and through t..GOd is lifted up and glorified...

***

finally had the chance to slp in after the long and hectic weekend..worked for the subaru challenge and decided that i will never ever take part in that..really..but oh well..i guess that if you can win that car it must be a good feeling and this year TWO cars somemore..haha but i will not put myself to such torture lar..and then it was a long night just walking around the car that i was in charged of..and the next morning without getting slp i got to go from places to places and that night was working again at the usual place..hmmm..finally sun night got to rest..but rest was not a good one..woke up thinking that all that had happened are nothing but a nightmare and as i woke this afternoon i still think that all these are merely a dream and i am living in nothing but an illusion and i can wake up from it and things will ust go back to being the same before sat and all the plans are still going to go on as before and we are all still happy and confortable...BUT all these are not a dream..and our lives are never the same again..liwei is once again forced to grow up..step out of her comfort zone and do more now..balance between everythin and the coming exams..i am weak but God is strong...but somehow i thank God that everythin has its timings and all the things work according to His timing that i do not have to go through everything at the same time but bit by bit...

***

i used to think that i am not good enough but i realised that i never will be..cos it is not who i am but who God is..learn to fear the Lord that my days may be long..and as for everything else that i need i know that God will give them to me to help me through if i fear and obey His commandments

***

walking walking walking..i remember that i love to walk..i dint like it in the past but i realised that i'm liking it more and more..as i walk i compose songs that were never captured down and as i walk i get to know you more becos everytime You were walking next to me holding my hands and comforting me as tears are rolling down my cheeks..as i walk i began to sort out my thinking and as i walk i begin to feel better and after i walk i am able to face the problems and the world again..not becos i am great but becos You are great..who am i without You??

***
my all time favourite story..but it is more of a story..its true to me..
___

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.


He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

*** life has not been good..many many things happened..as they always do when i'm trying to juggle more and do more..exams are just around the corner yet there are so many other things that need to be done and things that can go wrong just go wrong..quite sick and tired of having my exams being affected by the things around every year..but i guess this kind of thing always happen..the devil is actually quite dumb if you ask me..cos he had intended all these to draw people away from God but instead whatever that he meant for the bad God can turn it around for good. i dint feel tat God is not there..instead it just show so clearly that there is a devil and tat i can only lean on God to help me through.

last week i went for a series of services becos pastor Robb Thompson taught alot about relationships..though i wasnt feeling too good and that feeling lasted the week till now..but i guess that i learnt alot through the low times in my life..perhaps i need some more time to walk out of this valley but i know that as i keep walking i'll get out somehow..i may be weak but God is strong lar..so i know that as i put my faith in God and not in man..i'll walk out of it..nevertheless..i thank God for people who has always been there for me..to hear mt complains and people who see my tears..people whom i may not tell them everything but i know that they are there..people who are miles apart yet would drop me a sms once in a while (you never know how much that meant to me dear) as i sit through the different services, it not only showed me who are my friends and who are the people who are in your life but they are not going to be my friends people whom i would say i am close to them..i guess that i am able to see clearer now..pastor robb said that the people around us will shape our lives and destinies..i want mine to be shaped by people who are worthy to shape mine..so tat it will turn out to be a good and bright one..love you guys who have been around..i'll not take you guys for granted cos i love you guys to bits...

churchwide bible study on wed was GREAT..pastor taught us about the tabernacle..and it was simply fantastic..one thing tat really strike me is that the tabernacle has this piece of furniture (*wink* haha) called the brazen altar..and one of the points tat pastor mentioned was that the brazen altar is a place of forgiveness. and pastor mentioned that the key to forgiveness is the key to forget..i pray that God will give me my Manasseh..learn to forgive myself above forgiving other people..dont wanna be the case that i make myself greater than GOd..cos if God can forgive me and i cant forgive myself..then i make myself greater than him..NONO..i cannot be like that..i want my Manasseh that i can forget and do greater things for you Lord..

gotta start studying wor..after this few days of busyness and after i settle the project..hmmm..

give to me a manasseh that i can do more for You. help me in my weaknesses and guide me in my way to knowing You even more..that i may not stray away nor be affected by the people around me.cos my hope is not in people but in You.. 6am in the morning and it is pouring outside..
jus came back from school and boy am i thankful that i'm past the waking up early for school period..saw this person running at about 5 plus in the morning woah..in the rAin not tat kind of thing that alot of people will do..prob people like fengyi..hahah..she's going to kill me..but hey its a compliment..nomatter you acknowledge it as one or not..
two straight festivals in a row make this week feel extremely weird..really..like there is multiple weekends..oh well..

its quite a nice feeling to work around school at night..alright lar..early in the morning for that matter..its not the kond of thing that you will do in SA because it is not well lit..but i recall doing that in nj and its really a nice and homey feeling..haha..and i discovered a sheltered route all the way from YIH to kent rifge terminal..sorry to say that it is exclusively for arts students only..hahah..
gtg slp le..shall blog later... somewhere beyond the rain is there a rainbow that i can find?
somewhere from within me is there sth that is worth your love?
somewhere from within me is there still strength to carry on?

a bruise on my knee..i fell in real life.
but i fell harder inside
i dont know how to pick myself up now..i need a hand from you..
you say that i can always count on you..you say seek you and i will find you..
you say you will never leave me nor foresake me..
there is no one else i haf left in the world..
can i just crawl into your arms again to cry and stay.??

***

you say that i dont care..do you know that it hurt me?
you say that i dont bother..do you know that insult me?
to you i am jus someone who is so indifferent and dont care?
i am hurt at that..i thought that home is a place that i can run to and hide..how can i run to somewhere that i am the one who have to provide the refudge??
maturity it seems in you doesnt come with age but it comes with the assumption of responsibilities..you are not ready to face them...sigh..
why do i have to age before my time??
OLDER | NEWER