four down gang (what's with all these names man)

but i officially joined the four down gang with the last and most dragged paper on tues. that i need much prayers. not like today's genes and society doesnt need. so when you are praying pls keep my exams in your prayers esp the genes and the euro ones. those are the ones that unless God come through, i'll be in quite bad shape..haha. oh wells.

i never imagine that doing 100 mcq can be so physically draining and mentally challenging. i thought that it wld be a breeze but aparenly not! like what mark says i dont think that i ever felt so miserable after i took an exam. i pray that God will come through for us! and there is euro on tues which i havent started on after all there is 4 straight papers from monday till now and its early morning everyday till coming monday cos later gotta wake up early for the events thing and also for the emerge bball on sat and sun there is cell group at 11am. such an early week. *hmm*

i think i forgot to mention about the "cheat sheet" for mno. i thought that i did quite a good job, managed to squeeze so much into an A4 paper. but that was what i think until i met those gao shou!!!! the biz people are the pro man- i dont think that i ever saw so many word being squeezed into a piece of paper before. i really gan bai xia feng. *surrenders*

managed to meet up with wei for dinner after my genes paper, she is going back to taiwan on sun already. that is so sad la. not like she is not coming back, hope that i can get to go to taiwan and maybe can visit her there or we can go away for a short holiday during the holidays. yay. haha. but dinner was good and we walked back from holland v there to her house. its not that long, dint know that she live so near to holland v. lolx. then came back to watch da chang jin. *yes i am a aunty-korean-drama person* haha.

***

every time i look at you i cannot help but wonder who is the person behind that mask of perfection that you are wearing. you try so hard to be someone who is cheerful and carefree but i sense it so much that you are not and there is so much that you are hiding from the rest of the world. maybe it wasnt intentional cos i believe that as much as you try to hide it, i done my part to dont wanna probe into it as well. becos i dont think that i can handle what you have to say, so i think that its better for you to talk to those who are older and perhaps they are able to give a better perspective to the situation cos i dont think that i wanna hear about what someone whom i used to look up to until all these happen. its been so long, havent you learn to let go? the pain is written all on your face. you were the one who told me to release it 6 months ago- but you havent let go yourself. then again i think that the situation for me and you are different, totally different. sigh.

***

cant believe that it has been 6 months since then. it was the first exam in nus and now its the next one. i am a little disappointed and i am sorry that if i hear of the things that you do now i felt abit of disgust. i guess that you have your struggles too, hope to see you step into what God has planned for you again. sigh.

change is the only constant in life. i remember that i was reading about this in the morning, sth that we said so much that it has lost its meaning. i wonder where has these 6 months went to, i spent the first month thinking then i got over it and the rest jus went by in a flash. now it come to a point where there are new changes and new arrangements. God are you trying to bring me to somewhere new? the news have not sink in yet, maybe i still hold on to a little trace of hope that things can still remain the same. maybe i havent done enough, if i had done so then maybe this wldnt happen. now is a time where all these maybes will surface, i guess that this is not the way to be anymore, if i wanna do sth then i sld do it to the best of my ability and not look back and wonder what i had done with me life.

***

the journey down this long and winding road,
i need You to hold my hands and carry me through

*** i was supposed to come back and slp then to go back to START on my soci which is tml morning! Gosh..i focused quite alot on the 2 biz papers and it felt quite ok so i hope that it will turn out as the feeling goes - good grades. dint have time to start on soci last week, as usual last min studying and also the falling behind from my plans so there is alot to cover over the 5 hours i have tonight. actually dint have the luxury of time to slp but after late nights and 2 morning papers, even if i want to continue my brain and body they are protesting already and if i dont get some sleep, they will go on strike which i cannot afford. sigh. but on a brighter note, there is only 3 more papers to go! yippppppppie!!

i feel fat. i really feel fat. i mean that i had never been extremely thin or anything (except when i was really young). but this time i really feel fat. i cant stand the way i feel and all that i can do now is to look forward to holidays coming after the exams to really go and workout and shed those pounds that has accumulated ever since i stopped playing bball which is a really good form of working out. and this time round i msut really push myself to workout i cant stand the way i look and feel yucks. maybe i will never be the kind of gym rat there in the world but i would like to deo more than jus sitting ard and feeding myself to more food. arrgh. yucks. its totally digusting. anyone wants to workout too? we can go for jogging, swimming, cycling..anything man. as long as my heart can take it. of cos not to forget BBALL. people!!! play ball soon k??

looking forward to the holidys that awaits, no concrete plans yet but i hope that i can get to get away from this city for awhile and really jus dont think about anything and jus relax myself. i wonder if i'll get to do that. even genting also can ah..better than nothing. we'll see how it goes lar...

nights. Heaven and Earth green tea is a great companion when you are trying to study at night. at least i think that it helped me to last till now which is almost 5am in the morning. hahah. though i only did like 2 lectures but i feel productive today or rather yesterday and this morning. *hmm* *ponders*

there was a rather troubling sight that i saw at mac just now(yapx..i studied at mac). there was this hwa chong institute guy, he was wearing his school uniform and he studied at mac since like 12plus or 1am and i saw that he was dozing off but that wasnt the point. the point is that i think that he intend to go to school from mac, meaning that he is going off to school without getting much rest and from studying overnight at mac. it is clear that the education system is getting more competitive but i thought that this was too much for a child to handle. i vaugely remember a few times that i stayed up to study back during sec school days but it never reached such an extent. seems like this system that we are living under has created a new generation of students who are under such intense pressure that they cannot even get sufficient rest and leading to emotional breakdowns and pressure. why is the boy there at mac and not resting at home? and why dint his parents do sth about it? it aches my heart and my heart really go out for him (not related to the fact that he is studying for geog and particularly meanders.) sigh. what monsters has the society created? is this a new identity that the young this days has been socialised into believing they have to be? what is the yardstick of measurement then? *sigh*

***
on a lighter note, was watching the marketing webcast (lecture 9) that doreen kum kept mentioning the word "leeway" (i am not kidding about the frequency that she used it in that lecture) and i am quite sensitive to that word thought that it was quite funny and everytime she mentioned the word i wld react to it..hahah.

took out my braces today (or rather yesterday) and i have the freedom of not wearing the retainers till the mould and stuff is done next week. it feels weird to not be wearing my braces cos they have been with me for 2 years and i dint have the chance to say a proper goodbye cos the announcement that she was going to take it off came as a surprise. it feels weird being able to feel your gum and the fact that there is no longer any metal on your teeth, meaning that food wldnt get stucked and meaning that there wldnt be a need to put any more rubber bands to shift the teeth and that you can brush your teeth with ease. BUT i still miss my braces!! i dont know why i feel such emotional attachment to my braces but i really miss having them around, i think that i am weird, maybe i am jus sentimental. sigh.

liwei's braces (july 2004 - april 2006)

these are what i have been wearing for the past 2 years and now they are nothing but a fragment of my memories. i am going to miss you guys. sigh.

***

I just can't understand the ways
Of all the men and their mistakes
You give them all your heart
and then they rip it all away

You told me how much you loved me
And how our love was meant to be
And i believed in you
i thought that you would set me free

You should've just told me the truth
That i wasn't the girl for you
Still i didn't have a clue
So my heart depended on you

Whoah
Although i'll say "i hate u" now
Although i'll shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because i am a girl

Been told a man will leave you cold
Get sick of you and bored
I know that it's no lie
I gave my all still i just cry
Never again will i be fooled
to give my all when nothing's true
I won't be played again
but i will fall in love again

I loved u so
now u leave me in the cold
How could this be
i thought that u'd only love me
Into the night
i will pray that you're alright
You hurt me so
I can't let u go

You took advantage of my willingness to do anything for love
Now i'm the only one in pain
will you please take it all away

Never thought born being a girl
How i can love you and be burned
And now i will build a wall
to never get torn again

:: because i am a girl :: Jini ::

alright..the english lyrics is weird, the chinese and esp the original korean version is really nice. the mv for the korean one is really good. i cried when i watched it. oh wells. here is the link: http://xiuke.free.fr/autre/kiss/

***

some pictures i took of the empty road in the wee hours of the morning. *smiles*

***

Jesus say: if you love Me, feed My sheep.

the anxiety of having the exams soon doesnt seem to be taking a toll on me cos i havent really been studying. 5 chapters of mkt only after 3 days is next to nothing progress and so i am comtemplating moving to mac to study for the night and that is still in the fragment of my thoughts that has yet to crystalise into reality yet. sigh. i hope that i can be more productive man. maybe i sld jus move my butt out of this chair and hop on to the mac which is a 10 min walk away. sld i?

havent been reallu updating recently..
easter last week, i wld say that it wasnt that great a harvest seems like everyone like so sianx sianx like that. so many things to do that not much studying is done. i better buck up.

went for blood donation on easter celebrations saturday. and i have the opportunity to converse with the minister of joo chiat, mr chan. and mind you its not jus once but a few times. cos yun and i happened to be at the door where he enter so being the polite thing to do he strike up a conversation with us. after which he went ahead with the medical checkup (jumping our queue of cos...but he's a busy man after all) after which he and pastor where arranged to be next to each other during the donation and he was constantly surrounded by reporters and cameras. the next ting that i know was that pastor was done with the donation much earlier and i got the seat that is next to mr chan who is still donating and being interviewed so i heard about how he feels about the coming elections and things like that. after he was done and before he went off, he spoke to me again. haha. and after that i was interviewed by the reporter and said sth like what is the reason that i come to donate blood and stuff. dint know if the interview was even aired at all but its an interesting experience..haha...(i guess that it wasnt aired la..if not i wld have hear about it from people liaox..or the people o know dont watch news..haha)

cg celebrated my birthday and i got a watch from them but there is a little problem with the batt i think cos it keep slowing down that i have to adjust it..asking lester to bring to the shop man..and dearest couzzie got me a eeyore soft toy which is next to me at this moment. lest and sam's mom was nice enough to get me a new bag. not much for this birthday but the nano make up for everything and the most impt thing was that daddy came for easter celebrations --> breakthrough leh..i think that is the best birthday present one could ever ask for and not to forget the many people who remembered and smsed me (eh..dont think that you are in aust then you can dont give present..ng mei siang..you better send sth back..haha if you want your 21st present mext year when you are back..hahahahah)

anyway, i saw this really amusing sight on the train to expo on sun when i was with my dad. there was this lady that "chop" seats for her friend when an uncle asked if he could sit there i thought that she would remove that mcdonald's tea/coffee and let him sit but she actually said that there is someone sitting there..i almost faint when i heard that. wanted to give up my seat to him but was too slow so this other lady gave up her seat for him. at first i thought that she "chopping" seat for someone who havent even board the train but later realised that her fren was on the train but was away to talk on the phone. i thought that this was the most ridiculous thing that i had ever seem so i took a photo using my photo..haha..enjoy :

vann, yang and i went to rouge outdoors to eat on sun..we had a really good meal and that is a change from the usual tcc but the bill is scary la..so rouge outdoors remain a place that we sld jus go for the wedges and the ice creams. its werid going back there not as a staff but as a customer and having your frens serve you is werid. i'm still pondering if i sld go back there to work after the exams. like everything and everyone like so alien now. i feel so out of place there now. maybe when you leave a place you sld never go back to there again. becos you will always carry good and beautiful memories that i never want them to be replaced. sigh.

we got this really cute turtle that lights up when you write from 7-11..its so cute that people broke the turtle off and left the pen there..the one that i have is the last intact one..here it is:

i have a new tuition girl. i think that she is coping ok with her work and jus feeling kiasu about herself. perhaps a little insecure and dont think good of herself. so i think that my job wldnt be so much as to teach but i wanna impart sth to her to help her to be who she really is and not to be so fearful all the time. but yet at the same time i have to do my work as a tutor --> mark her essays..she is actually doing essays at this point in time..i recall that i only start writing my essays after prelims. in april i was still at trainings and playing competitions and also watching other team sajc sports..hahah..what a different life that i led then. sigh.

alrights..such a long post..better get back to studying...

ciao

alright i know that i sldnt be blogging but this is one of those days that i have the urge to blog and the best part is that i have no idea what to blog about so everything will be so random man..haha...

official countdown to the first paper is like 5 days. and oh my why am i blogging now? i took the whole afternoon and i only did like 2 chap of marketing, the progress is way too slow. liwei pull up your socks man..who is going to help you if you are not going to help yourself.? i think for now i can only do the best that i know how, so much for all the resolution that i am going to study hard and no last time mugging --> that never happen. sigh.

but it will all be over soon so jus 2 more weeks and then comes 3 months of freedom and fun (i'll think about the fun part again) but it sld be fun. if i get to go for the taiwan emerge. *hmmm* aiyoh still thinking about it. alright i decided that this is going nowhere so i shall go and study marketing liaox. but one thing about studying marketing --> it makes me reconsider about taking econs major all over again. *ponders* sigh. this is going to be a hard decision for me. what major to take.

did i mention that my student drives like a pro. he drives legally k? lolx nothing much but had a really fun day today at wild wild wet, we wanted to go to escape but it wasnt open. so we went next door instead. it was fun despite the size of the play area. many would recall the fantasy island that really left an imprint in our lives.
i-pod nano..cant believe that you guys actually got this..thanks alot...  12 mins after i enter the 20th year of my life, i am here blogging.

what i did in the concluding moments of my 19th year?
i bathed, sweeped the floor, folded my clothes and file my notes. Off i go for a good start to this new year of life. stepping into the 3rd decade of my life with much apprehension yet with much anticipation for greater things to come in my life. and i already gotten the best present this year. My daddy is coming for the easter celebrations on Sunday! Praise the Lord. Nothing beats this man. *beaming from ear to ear*

having your birthday during this period is not exactly a good thing cos the exams are just around the corner and its not near..its like in your face that sort of near...oh wells. to make things worse, you find out that you just failed another of the euro test..why did i even take this module to begin with? gosh..

a taste of coke..what other best way to start this year...

***
i cant get to slp and daddy is going to scream at me in the morning cos i am supposed to have breakfast with him but looking at the way things are going i prob wldnt be able to wake up in time..sigh..haha..and he is going to say me again..

thinking about how this sem is already coming to a close and 3 months has passed since the beginning of the year, what have i done? what is sth that i did that has left an impact or a legacy? i dont think so. What happened to all those i will worker this sem and i will not slack and leave it to all last min work.

my mind went right back to the day where my life is changed forever from that day forth. i was born again. i dint know what it really meant to me then and it prob dint change my life much at the beginning few years, but that day in the room i took a walk down memory lane and i revisited the places that i had been before, i realised that why i had stayed on after 7 years, it no longer is jus a feeling or emotions but there is sth that is so real and true. becos all these while, God remained someone who is real and true to me. though there are times when i feel dry and off but He always pull me through and accompany me out of the valley and climb the peaks in my life. times where you dunno what to do and all that you can do is pray and hope for the best, you are never disappointed becos His timing is ever so accurate and right. becos there was sth that i was looking for and i found it, not in the people or the place but in Him.

mark is naggin me to go and study..(if he reads this though..hahah..eh uncle i make special mention of your name can? lolx..its a honor!) but i think that i will prob not get down to studying till after easter..then i will hide in the library and mug..but that is a very bad idea cos the library is ever so noisy and i dont have a music player..its time to go and get one..mayb i can extort it out of someone today..hahah..i think i better stay home or go somewhere else to mug..maybe the hss lib is a better choice..biz in general is quiet and peaceful..lols..

4 major mod next sem together with a biz minor mod..i think that next sem is suicide, i hope that my decision about the major is right..if it is not..God please send someone to speak to me man...i dun wanna be walking down the wrong road...hahaha

Siang..how are you man? think that you need to write more leh..come on..you owe us all letters *big time* and you take care of yourself wor...

bestest friend, counting down to the days you'll be back here! hahah..not really counting la..you get the idea la..haha..

alright, i feel slpy liaox.. i am sitting in the middle of the biz library..alright not exactly in the middle of the library..
jus finished the mkt presentation and i would say that it went well but not as well as we anticipated it to be..still it was good efforts and i thank God that the scores were pretty decent though there are many who would get the same grades as well...nevertheless that is one down and one more presentation to go in the afternoon and i am done for the semseter. alright, again this is not exactly true as there is a euro test tml which i am totally dead for..sigh..i think that is one area that i am not going to go into ever again, i rather do science can? that is how bad it is la..

boy, i must say that it definitely feels good to be praised. but like what pastor mention we gotta cross the line of positive affirmations. There will not always be available and despite all that we still got to press on no matter what. Felt more refreshed after the meeting yesterday where we jus worshipped the Lord and yes He was right there speaking to each and single one of us no matter what. It is time to pull up that sock that has been left down for so long. Until I am able to look beyind myself and let go of that which i am trying so hard to hold on to, God cannot work. God is not looking for perfection but He is looking for imperfected people whom He can use to do His perfect will. He is looking for that one person who will stand in the gap. And He says that He is there all the time, guiding us in every step, we need not lean on our own strength but His. When we look into the mirror, we are not merely looking at a body but someone that He has anointed and created for greater works. Visions and Words from heaven will drive us and keep us going. Passion and love will motivate us to carry on when we are down. Is there any love greater than this that He laid down His life for us. It is time to step out, reach out and grab it down from heaven.

Before I knew Your Name
You knew my every breath
Before I found my way
You knew my every step
Before I knew everything that I need
You gave it all to me

No greater love than this
That You should lay down Your life
For someone such as me
I'd spend a lifetime wondering wh
The Beauty of Heaven is here in my heart
And I know there can be No greater love than this

I never understood
How merciful Love could be
Until I felt His FlameLight every part of me
And I would give everything that I am
'Cause I have been saved
Yes I have been saved

: : No Greater Love : : Rachael Lampa : :

i am weak but You use the weak to put the strong to shame i am taking a well deserved break from the marketing project and my eyes are totally closing and giving up on me..hahah..munching on some food and drink though the thought of having food at this time is sinful but i will be up for awhile more so not so bad i guess...
i am really getting really excited about the marketing presentation though it would require me to wake up at 7am cos my tutorial is at 8am but i feel that our group has got sth to offer to the people, looking forward to it..and hopefully we'll do well for it and get the full marks (*prays hard*) oh..but there is a little problem, i need to find out how to edit and cut a song fast..sigh..

this week is going to be a hectic week with 2 presentation, marketing newspaper cuttings due and also euro test. pack to the max and not to forget that easter is jus around the corner and there are so many things to be done. cant believe that time is passing so fast that it is already april..woah..exams in 3 weeks, this is no joke man..arrgh...

think i better get back to work...

dont lose sight of the vision and destiny that I have place in your heart
I wonder how I ever made it through the day
How did I settle for a world in shades of gray?
When you go in circles all the scenery looks the same
And you don't know how
And I looked into your eyes
With the world stretched out in front of me and
I realized I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again, I wasn't really living
I never lived before your love

I wanted more than just an ordinary life
All of my dreams seemed like castles in the sky
I stand before you when my heart was in your hands
And I don't know how I survived without your kiss
'Cause you've given me a reason to exist

I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again, I wasn't really living I never lived I never lived before your love

I never lived before your love
And I don't know why
Why the sun decides to shine
But you breathed your love into me just in time
I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again, I wasn't really living
I never lived
I never lived before your love

: : Before Your Love : : Kelly Clarkson : :

or better remembered as performed by bro mark kwan. yapx..he changed the lyrics ABIT but its almost the same la...hahah

watch this mv --> http://xiuke.free.fr/autre/kiss/
kiss- Because i'm a girl..its super touching la..i cried..cant believe myself but its really very touching la...
how great a love, i never realised and yet when i was watching it..i cant help but be reminded about another greater love, that goes even beyond what the guy did. the cross of calvary brings us more than a sacrifice, it gave us what we cldnt have without it. no greater love than this.

my mind is crowded with many thoughts now..perhaps not the best time to blog.

***
I need you
I need someone to be there…
To carry me through

OLDER | NEWER