Why

We rode into town the other day
Just me and my Daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man
That my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said "Daddy, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is He dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts Him more than He shows
Daddy, please can't you do something?
He looks as though
He's gonna cry
You said he was stronger than all of those guys
Daddy, please tell me why
Why does everyone want him to die?"

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And Daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide

So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said, "Father, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for My robe?
This crown of thorns hurts Me more than it shows
Father, please can't You do something?
I know that You must hear My cry
I thought I could handle the cross of this size
Father, remind Me whyWhy does everyone want Me to die?
When will I understand why?"

"My precious Son, I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe You in robes of My own
Jesus, this hurts Me much more than You know
But this dark hour I must do nothing
Though I've heard Your unbearable cry
The power in Your blood destroys all of the lies
Soon You'll see past their unmerciful eyes
Look there below; see the child trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell You why,
She is why You must die."

: : Why : : Nicole Nordeman : :
how do i live without you
i want to know
how do i breathe without you
if you ever go
how do i ever
ever survive
how do i how do i
oh how do i live

当你的手还握在我手中
没有一次
我还停留
说不出口的感动
当你的手还握在我手中
灿烂的笑容
不论过多久
都让我心动

每一天在你的怀里等待
每一次我感觉你的存在
不能重来
不愿离开
是永远都灿烂的爱
每一天在你的梦里等待
每一次我感觉你的存在

so how do i live how do i live
how do i live without you

当你的手还握在我手中
没有一次我还放手
没有一次停留当
你的手还握在我手中
灿烂的笑容
不论过多久都让我心动

oh tell me now
how do i live without you
how do i breathe without you

: : 天天夜夜 : : F.I.R : :

the new F.I.R album is great- rather different from the usual style but i like the change- this album is a mix of both fast and slow tracks. as usual- i like the slow tracks better and this is one of the slow number.

3rd week into school and i am trying to convince myself that i cannot slack anymore becos there is no room for me to do so. the people around are mugging alr and i think that i am the only one who has not touched my readings as yet- i am so dead. Procrastination cannot and must not be my best friend. Desperately need to pull the CAP up this sem. haix.

was watching crimewatch or sth on TV mobile jus now and there are some forensic stuff that was shown and i remembered like how when i was young- there were so many "ambitions" that i have and one of it was to do forensic science but i guess i very much forgot about it. then i wanna be a psychologist and i changed my mind. i know my long term goal but now i must think of the interim job that i want to take on after i graduate and before i establish my dream. haha..what a thing to think about 3 years before my graduation. sld channel my energy to more productive things like doing my readings.

autobiography due this week. what is there to write about myself? oh my.

***
what can i get for you before you leave singapore?

***

How do I live without You?
You are my God. hmmm..feels like God is trying to bring me to see a certain matter. like in the previous post i mentioned that as i was reading the post the Bro KC wrote and how i was thinking along the line of we ought to be inpacting the world that we are living in. seems like God is preparing us for a new season and movement that He has in stall. from the msg during Emerge! and also the FOP and now Dr. Bernard- he really brought a word of God that blows your mind away. am totally looking forward to the next 2 sessions in the remaining of this weekend.

some of the things that he mentioned today:
1. You are limited in life to the knowledge of your own mind and the content of your character.
2. Specificity is the basis of collaboration.
3. The church is the agent to reveal God to the world.
4. Vision will determine the method but the method does NOT determine the vision.
5. Relationship preceed Ministry.
6. We cannot lead the pepole we fear.
7. Knowledge translate into authority.
8. symbiosis- living together in close association of 2 totally dis-similar entities.
9. If we have a vision and cannot articulate it - no one will support it.
10. Generality always degenerate into vainty.

what impacted us of cos is not jus these pure words but the authority that he speak with and of cos the conviction brought by the holy spirit in the hall during the whole time that he was speaking. We gotta all be the prophetic voice such like Joseph and Daniel. indeed we have been Educated, Encouraged and Empowered after today's session.

prior to this, i was also pondering over some thing that we were talking about in today media and globalisation lecture. there was this part about like how like the music industry and the movie industry used to resist the evolving media- they tired to fight it but they failed. this generation that grew up not having to pay for music will not do so unless there is a reason for them to. hence, instead of trying to fight it, join it. players are now involved in being in the midst of this whole cultural change and see how they can influence the people from within. i think this is what God wanted SUN to do with her cross-over project (and man she is real good). the churches today are avoiding the world becos they are resisting the influence of it- afraid that being in the world will make them to be like the world. but we gotta be like a Daniel and a Joseph- that we will be right in the midst of it all yet not of the world. the only way that you can influnce is when you have the knowledge and the authority to do so. how do you have the knowledge if you run away from technology all the time? God is indeed ahead of time- He already had the end in mind when he spoke to SUN 5 years ago and now the timing is jus right. woah. can you imagine that? woah.

they shall look and see and they will be amazed and say "who else like them have a God who is so close to them?"

if you teach tuition, the worse kind of student that you can get is like the one that i have. i know that i sldnt be complaining but he is really getting on my nerves. my whole week of tuition are all cancelled and here not only goes my income but i have to go through the pain of arging with him all the time. i dont think that this is effective. really make you ponder- more than twice about going into teaching- i guess i am jus not cut out to go through all those crap. haiz. I love because You first love me
I live because of what You gave
You died, showed me how to live
Your mercy taught me to forgive

You came and poured yourself so free
Your love washed away my shame
And now, I can live again
I'm more of You and less of me

My first love
Forever You will be
My first breath
You're e life in me
My first joy
The world can never take from me
My covenant with You, Jesus

Your love falls down
Your love falls down
Your love falls down over me

: : First : : KC Gan : : City Harvest Church : :

i totally fell in love with this song i heard it when the choir was learning it in preparation to sing it for service. it was an easy song to learn- contrary to all the other new songs that we are singing recently. Music is really something that touches our heart so much and it is through worship that the presence of God will come- not necessary through songs but the heart of worship. i cant wait for the next album of the church to be out- we have so many new and nice songs that i cant wait to get my hands on them. Kudos to Bro KC for all the amazing songs that he has written and thank God that i am part of this miracle, history making church! :)

indeed we are in a time where the best thing sld be in church and not in the world. i was jus thinking somewhere along this line today and reading bro KC's entries really knocked some sense into it. the world should be looking at the church and wishing that they are part of us and not christians looking at the world and wish that they are of the world. that is totally wrong- it wasnt so in the past. the bible tells us that the nations looks to the children of God and said that who else have a God as close to them as these. we must restore things back to their original purpose.

***
my SSB project group consist of intersting grp of people from all over the region, in fact- i am the only local in the group. i have 3 friends from vietnam, 1 from china and 1 from malaysia. i believe that this is going to be an interesting semester working with them. SSB seems to be an interesting module so far. Jus that it puzzles me why there are people who are so open about sharing their "emtional outburst" personality with the class- maybe i am jus not as open and trusting as the rest in the class. but, the people looks and feels like an interesting bunch- thank God for a good start to the semester. 4 more lectures to go for this week- with 3 all packed into tomorrow. 12-6pm- back to back. i hope that i can endure this for 12 more weeks. 6 modules this semester- God i really need your grace and mercy. But i wanna do well to shine for your name.

went for an interview at NUS venture support- i was first of all late for almost half an hour- i was totally lost at that place, does any soul in the right mind venture there for fun? i dont think so. guess that i left a pretty bad impression and on top of that i think that the interviewer was rather surprised to see me with RED hair. haha. he said it looked different from the photo. well, the resume was all updated except for the photo. haha. dont know how it will turn out but all i will say is that i am lifting it up into the hands of God. we'll see then.

i finally went down the peranakan place to do my clearance today. it has been 1yr and 3mth. i dint know that time passes so fast. but it also reached a point in time that i can no longer spare time for work there. i enjoyed working there despite all the issues that arose in the course of time there. got to meet some nice and interesting people- that i never regretted and not to mention the things that i have learnt and also the interesting tourist that i got to meet from all over the world who dines there. there were tears and joy. its certainly a part of my memory and part of my growing up. jus that my time there is up. i'll miss yap's special coffee when we do mornings together. shhh. dont let the cost people know. hahah. oh wells.

***
off to bed for a long day ahead tml with tuition at night. haix.

i found all of these on the church webbie. that is so fun! i found my own baptism pic- i dint know that they took one for everyone baptised- coolness..and i found the other pic of me doing the 3point shootout- that is really a nice angled picture. kudos to all chc photographer..haha. speaking of which i still cant find my voucher- please pray for it man.

and there are some 17th anniversary photos taken last week at the SIS. there is a very nice picture of Don Moen on the violin- multi-talented he is. that pic really look nice and there is the HUGE birthday cake and some celebration pictures there in the collage- i am jus too lazy to load them up one by one.haha.

***

you know, there are times that we allow the walls to be built up and this is the only way to protect ourselves from getting into further hurts that would add to the wounds that have yet to heal. yet, while trying to do this- we build up a strong defense that we dont even know how to tear down ourselves. looking tough on the outside yet all so small and vulnerable on the inside.- crying for God to move and help cos we really dont know how to carry on. wearing masks that even we no longer know which is the real me anymore. that is so tough and that is so hard to overcome. how can you help someone whom you dont even know anymore. Yet, it is possible. i saw you today and i looked at you in the eyes. i saw the same fear that i saw when i looked into the mirror that time. i saw the same little girl who was crying out in the rain for help, sitting at the corner of the street waiting for someone to lend a helping hand. i know how that felt- it mus be a roten feeling.

what is the key to your heart? yet, even with the key are we able to open that door that we stubbornly hold it close so tightly? going through all the pain alone, wishing that there is something that can be done to the weaknesses that we have- yet unwillingly to admit that they are present in the first place. at times thinking what a lousy person we must have been- wanting to change but dont know how to.

i am glad that for me- they are mostly over. though there are things that you gotta get used to. but when you open your heart- its the time where you can experience the feeling of love and comfort.

A joy shared is a joy doubled, a trouble shared is a trouble halved.

God send wonderful people around us to help us and guide us like never before.

***

eyes closing- going to slp le..

True love have no happy ending because true love has No Ending

guess i dint want it as much as you guys did.

多雨的冬季总算过去

天空微露淡蓝的晴

我在早春清新的阳光里

看着当时写的日记

原来爱曾给我美丽心情

像一面深遂的风景

那深爱过他却受伤的心

丰富了人生的记忆

只有曾天真给过的心

才了解等待中的甜蜜

也只有被辜负而长夜流过泪的心

才能明白这也是种运气

让他永远记得曾经有一个人

给过完完整整的爱情

: : 美丽心情 : : 本多 RuRu : :

its totally pouring outside. it was a really long day today and i jus totally dont feel like doing anything but get to slp. i guess the rain jus made it more appealing now.

preached my first-ever sermon in cg today and that feels totally different. i felt ready and i hope that it wasnt so bad after all- i hope so! after which we also celebrated jiarong's birthday which is on fri. we wanted to go sing k after cg- though we might not have went straight- we made a detour to ViLa'Ge and some shopping before we headed over to chinatown for the k-ing. its cheap and they have some of the songs that even k-box dont have. haha. though it might look a little run-down but it is reahter value for money! haha. fellowshipping with the cg members are great and i jus wish somehow that the very next time more people can go together.

***

something really troubled me with i walked passed and i sawa uncle John there by himself, trying to get a living. never had i seen him this thin-though he is still not like SLIM..he looks so differenet and so vulnerable. the lure of the world and the deception may be high and it looks good. But like what James' joke was today- its jus the screensaver. My heart really goes out to him but there is so little that i can do. haix. prays that he will one day come to the knowledge of God.

***

Life is so precious. Life is so short. dont do anyting that you will regret. instead, LOVE and say it every time you have the opportunity to do.

first, i wanna say the smell of the cab that i took home from church was so strong that i almost died from the inhaling of all the smell..sigh. but miraculously i survived- hope sth can be done about it.

***
went back to sajc for lunch today. its really nice to be able to be back and walk around (loiter!! - i dont wanna dwell on the topic about THAT security guard!) and you just feel young being in the midst of the youths there in the place. actually we arent that old either right? oh man, what has the university done to us? *awww*

But the best part of this trip today that makes the whole trip so rewarding is the priviledge to speak to both the DPs. and it is certainly enriching and not to mention that it definitely spoke right to my heart and just feel that God is using the people and the events of today to speak to me. I am totally inspired and feeling all pumped up now! :)

talking to DP was really great, somehow she jus have the ability to speak right to you. she has got really good discernment as well. and from her life she really personifies the evidence of God and her love for God in everything that she does. if i ever become a teacher, i wanna be like the 2 DPs. both of them are very different but in both of their lives, you see the God- fearing and God loving christians whom God has placed in the school to touch the student popluation, i am glad that i have the chance to not only know them but also to be able to talk to them and they serve as a reminder of the goodness of God in our lives and also the character of God in the flesh.

was really convicted when i was on the way to church jus now and the Holy Spirit really rebuked one of my actions today. i was reading the book by John Bevere and there is this part that really got to me, as much as we might not agree with the P, i sld not have said nasty things about her- though it might be the truth, i am grieving the Holy Spirit and i am not honouring the authority that God has placed in my life. really need to reflect and to repent of this. sigh.

***

today is really a day of encounter from God. the meeting was really great today! day after day, there is revelations for us to explore.

look out towards the north, the south, the east and the west. what do you see, that i will give it to you. dont you dare to dream bigger, dont dream your dream anymore, dream of My dream. oh, i have not been living the life that i ought to be living, limited by my own fears and worries that i had wasted so much time away. dreams are meant to be big and to reach out for! time to move on! :) i feel good.
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