to tell the truth, i was rather devastated (alright, the use of this word is TOO STRONG) say disappointed when i went to collect my MNO paper from the MNO office today..disappointed with myself and the way that i dealt with things. if i dont wake up my idea, i am just going to be another mediocre graduate who have learnt nothing much in my 4 years in NUS and then i would be just your average person in society who wouldnt amount to anything great in life. there i've said it. dont they always say that the enemy of greatness is average? that is the topic that has been running through my mind the whole day.

what have i done in the past 3 years in NUS? i can say- nothing much and every sem i say that i would do better the next sem and see how far i have gotten? prob an inch from the time that i started. complacency will bring us to nowhere but destruction. diligence is the way to go..where do i want to go? i dont think that i want to be just another name in the world who has nothing to leave behind. i dont want to be just a mediocre leader who does not impact lives. i do not want to be a mediocre person who failed to step into her destiny.

wake up call..anyone home??

stop thinking that you are good- becos that is the attitude that will destroy you..stop just talking the talk and start to walk the walk..start doing something please i beg yoU! cant stand it being myself sometimes dissed myself off sometimes. those dreams, those things that i say that i want to achieve- i know that i can achieve them all- what is stopping me? this couldnt care less attitude and this slackness that i feel all over my body!! gosh..what have i done to my own life!! i need to stand up and start fighting all over again!!!!! ARRGHHHH..what is wrong?? i cant stand this slackness- WAKE UP YOUR IDEA!!!! time and tide waits for no man!!! no time to waste, get on with the plan!!!

***
alright, enough of the rantings..

dreams and ambitions- things that you think is a fragment of your imagination- a part of your past that is unrealistic to think about it when you realise the reality and harshness of life. is that the way that it is supposed to be? God says that the yound men shall see visions and the old men shall dream dreams- read that again OLD men shall dream dreams.

once and again, i have to remind myself of the dreams that i have and i want to achieve that after so many failures i come to think of them as not possible..i started out wanting to excel in my studies but i am just not that good enough that people should make mention of and over time i resign to the fate that i am not as smart as those who are from the better schools- fact is i know that i just dint apply myself hard enough to deserve the good grades that those people get. excuses? i am so busy doing so many things that i just dont have the time to study like those people. is that a truth or merely my opinion? God reminded me of disciplines- i am just not disciplined enough and i know that.

i started out wanting to be the best leader that i always dream of becoming- but it dint start out well and i got discourage and i ended up being the leader i am today who cant even do anything when my member backslide. great job man! do i want to compromise on the things of God or do i care more about what He thinks? more efforts, more hard work, i know that i can do better. discipleship, teaching, whatever it takes becos the lives are more important than their comfort..christians who are strong and will not easily be moved. i am confront my fears, i must confront and set things that i have never thought is right back to the state that they are supposed to be in. restore everything back to the original purpose!

i always wonder what would it be like if everything at home would just be a little better off..and that remains a dream and wonder until i make a decision to apply myself, no one will help someone who doesnt help herself.

there are much to be done- once those exams are over.

no more living a compromising life, but the fullness of life that Christ has came to die for. can let the blood go to waste.

get your life back liwei!

actually i ended up still ranting..oh well..first paper in 10hours time..i think its time to get some slp and finish the studyin in the morning!
OLDER | NEWER