每一次我走近 總是那麼悄悄地
不敢使你訝異 讓你發覺自己是幻影
每一次我喚你 總是那麼細細地
不讓寂寞聽到 嘲笑我用溫柔的聲音
每一次我離去 總是那麼輕輕地
不敢將你驚醒 讓你發覺醒在我夢裡
每一次我等你 總是那麼靜靜地
不讓光陰知道 安慰我用無言的噓息

一個一個想你的日子 砌成一棟孤單的房子
我在上樓下樓開門關門 翻著抽屜尋著你名字
一個一個想你的日子 從你回眸而去那天開始
我的日記寫成詩 詩的背後尋到你的名子

想著你的感覺 有如雨的纏綿
淋濕我的歲月 而我卻依然不知不覺
想著你的感覺 有如風的繾綣
吹亂我的日夜 吹也吹不走你的容顏

: : 從你回眸那天開始 : : 洪邵軒 : :

曾經你我有說不完的話題
曾經我們每天在一起
上課不在意，
連測驗都忘記只有玩樂最要緊
老師曾經說過我們嘰嘰喳喳
上課不准我說話
直到有一天，
大家要畢業時
才明白老師地道理

我們這一班功課不專
望著籃球場
我們這一班測驗偷看
分數都一樣
我們這一班崇拜偶像
老師地話我們丟一旁
但我們從來都不怕
因為小時了了，大未必佳
如今你和我都已經長大
如今志願不再嘴邊掛
想起學校裡的同學和老師
那無憂無慮的日子

: : 我們這一班 : : 顏黎明 : :

年少時候
誰沒有夢無意之中
你將心願透露
就在你的生日的時候
我將小小口琴送
最難忘記 你的笑容友

情的細水慢慢流
流到了你我的心中
曾在球場邊為你歡呼
你跌傷我背伏
夜裡流星飛渡
想像著他日的路途
晚風聽著我們壯志無數

年少時候誰沒有愁
滿腔憤慨唯有你能聽得懂
就在你失意的時候
我將那首歌吹奏
琴聲悠悠解我輕

憂歲月的細水慢慢流
流到了別離的時候
輕拍你的肩聽我說朋友不要太惆悵
霓陘縱然再囂張
我你的步履有方向
成敗不論去莫將昔日遺忘

多年以後
又再重逢
我們都有了疲倦的笑容
問一聲我的朋友
何時再為我吹奏
是否依舊
是否依舊

人生的際遇千百種
但有知心長相重
人願長久
水願長流
年少時候

: : 細水長流 : : 梁文福 \\ 王邦吉 \\ 劉瑞政 : :

That day a little regret never take photo with 梁文福老师!! *Sigh*
Cos all these songs are all so good. I am a supporter of 新谣!! really!! Ok..i am really CHEENA!! but who cares man!! I grew up listening to all these songs and if you look at all the lyrics, they are really good- got meaning one- not just all those love songs type!! got 深度 type!!

Actually, there are many good and talented musicians here in Singapore but they are not given the due recognition. There are in fact many songs that the famous singers are singing who are written and composed by the local talents- just that we dont realise that. Wouldnt that be quite sad? Hope that there will be greater breakthroughs for the local acting and music scene!! (:

***

Been thinking alot recently- during and after the exams, this is afterall the turning point in my life. Stepping from the student life into the working life- i never knew that it could be so hard. I know that most people deal with it quite well but there is just this bit (actually quite alot of) uncertainty that is ahead that leave me quite burdened.

However, it is when times like that you begin to think as in really think about what you want to do with your life. When i was just thinking, there are some times when God would ask me what are my visions and somehow along the way, i lost sight of all these visions because of the shorter goals and vision but i missed out on the bigger picture. The sense of lost came in at the point when i do not know what are the things that are supposed to be filling in the gaps before reaching the bigger picture. I am quite at a lost of what I am supposed to do and what i want to do.

I started out my life knowing that I wanted to get into NUS at the age of 7 (scary right? hahhaha..) so for the 12 years from primary school to secondary school to JC that was my goal. The moment i stepped into NUS, i was faced with something that i have to decide on. I was not able to get into Business School and my attempts to appeal to the Business School failed and I decided not to try again even though my grades were quite decent in Sem 1. I chose to major in communications and new media and many people questioned me "WHY?"- people felt that i am more of the Econs or Geog for that matter type instead of the Communications and Media. That I would agree! To the people that I know I may talk alot but i get all jittery when I have to talk to people I dont know and when I have to present something. Moreover, at that point in time, everyone thinks that media is the not-going-to-make-money industry. oh wells.

Thereafter, Pastor Kong began to preached about engaging the marketplace and the cultural mandate- I felt so liberated!! hahah..really! Before that I was thinking if I am making the right choice and Pastor came along and preach about engaging culture and i was thinking "preach it pastor!". It made me feel better about my choice!

Nevertheless, there is still a dilemma that was going on within me. You see, though I like languages more than sciences, I was never outstanding in my writing. I dont do well in all the writing modules and well, i was not good enough to write for citynews (not that i mind actually!! ahhahah) and i failed my writing test for edelman (this is recent!) and seriously my GP teacher in JC would not envision me writing for anything. And seriously, neither can I!! So, that leave me very torn- it seems like I am back to one square one, what am I good at? What do I want to do?? This is the question that i am trying to grapple with for the past few weeks as i was trying to deal with the realisation that I am graduating.

Truth is, I still dont have an answer for all these question marks that I have in my mind. But thank God for a word in season (two words actually). First of all, the encouragement that Dr. John Avanzini brought when he said that those who need a job will not just get a job but a POSITION!!! (:

On top of that, a word from Pastor Aries today about having a vision, this seems to be "confirmation" of what is running through in my train of thoughts for the past few weeks. I need to spend time to really reflect on what do I want to achieve in my life. What I am going to do should contribute to the bigger picture that I want to achieve in the future! (:

Therefore, I am taking time to really think about what I want to do instead of rushing into a job that is not really what I want to do and feel miserable in it. The initial uneasiness that was surrounding me when my classmates are all getting jobs are slowly evaporating. Now, I feel this peace to persue after what I really want. Let's just hope that it wouldnt be too long a wait and I would be able to find something that suit me and run together with my dream in the time to come! (:

You can only move forward, when there is something in front to motivate you to!

In the time being, working part-time as i look for a job and to finance my Australia Trip in ONE MONTH!! (: Cant wait!

Adios! 从前对着收音机学唱旧的歌
我问妈妈为什么伤心像快乐
妈妈笑着说她也不懂得
我想出去走一走
哦妈妈点点头

天冷你就回来
别在风中徘徊
哦妈妈眼里有明白
还有一丝无奈
天冷我想回家
童年已经不在
昨天的雨点撒下来
那滋味叫作爱
呜~别在风中徘徊
呜~天冷就回来



渐渐对着收音机学唱新的歌
我问朋友为什么做梦也快乐
朋友笑说他从不相信梦
我想出去走一走
哦朋友点点头


天冷你就回来
别在风中徘徊
朋友的眼里有明白
还有一份期待
天冷我想回家
年少已经不在
今天的雨点撒下来
那滋味就是爱



现在对着收音机听自己唱的歌
我的他问为什么幸福不快乐
我微笑着说我也不懂得
他想出去走一走
我对他点点头


天冷你就回来
别在风中徘徊
我猜我眼里有明白
还有一丝无奈
天冷他没回家
我仍然在等待
明天的雨点撒下来
那滋味就是爱
呜~别在风中徘徊
呜~天冷就回来


: : 天冷就回来 : : 陈洁仪 : :

This is not Kit's very famous songs but I've always liked this song alot- if you look at the lyrics, its really meaningful. This is also the reason why i wanted to go and watch the musical so much- which i did go and watch yesterday! (:
Well, the musical is good too!! (: The songs all super got "feel" which is also why i bought the OST as well! (:

这是一个没有答案的问题
我感觉我变了 谁让我变了

原本这是一个没有答案的问题
却被你解开了 简单的解开了

你走过来
带着和别人不同的对白
你甚至不让我知道
你对我有多好

慢慢的 这份爱
悄悄地住下来
深深的 在心里
没人看的出来
安静的 但却一直都在
是你默默的爱

慢慢的 这份爱
已经变成依赖
浅浅的笑容里
却让我充满期待
不用说我就能够明白
你默默地爱

未来的每一天
不管发生什么
能不能交给我呢
我要永远陪着你
守护着你直到最后

: : 默默 : : 飞轮海 : :

16.5 years in school- its all coming to an end right now. I know that its dumb to feel sad about this whole thing cos its supposed to be a good thing isnt it?

It just suddenly dawn on me that there is no more "hey, let's meet to go for class later!" or "sorry, the traffic is horrible, save me a seat!" or "I think that I am going to give today's class, if prof ask, let him know that i am not feeling well".

There is no more, what modules are you taking for this semester? This is really the end, no more school after this- unless of cos you take graduate studies but how many people are going to be taking it anyway?

A surge of sadness washed over me and it is not from the fact that I am still looking for a job but from the resignation that this is really the end of one whole chapter in my life. You know how people always ask you to treasure the things you have before you lose them- i never thought that i was going to miss school and the people THIS MUCH.

Perhaps its the uncertainty that you see ahead of you, what is going to happen to all the friends that you have made in school? Yes, good friends will still keep in contact but its just not the same anymore, the topics are different, you dont see each other everyday anymore, everyone is going to take a different path, walking down a different route from now on. The truth is, once you get out of school, there is no way back in.

I dont like this sense of apprehension, I just like this feeling of lost.I dont like this feeling that people are going to leave me, not just in school but also in the sensing that there is something that you are not aware of even in your daily life. Before you do anything, consider the feelings of the people around you, you may think that its no big deal or that people dont care- think again.

Every little action, every little words that is spoken, a facial expression, an anxious look on your face to just want to get away, a sms to say that you wouldnt be coming- you think that it doesnt mean anything to any one, its just another word, its just another sms, it just another day- maybe it isnt? Maybe there wouldnt be another chance or another time that you can do something for that person in that context again? Maybe? there are so many maybes in the world.

**
God i need a little direction, i need a little guidance and strength. Help me to be stronger and better. Guide me in the journey ahead that only You know the destination.

What is my next step? What do you want me to do? Why dont I have any answers?

Is there anyone that i can share this with? 風箏飛躍了夕陽 線斷落在
海平面上 理想放下了行囊
獨自一人 遠離憂傷

輕輕撫慰受傷的翅膀
你為我點亮曙光
愛是一碰就破碎的浪
卻能生出改變的力量

你會永遠存在我心上
陪伴失敗的心情飛翔
只有你能 帶我去 屬於我的天堂
Only you can be the Lord to me
Clear the shadow like the star from here
Only you can touch me

你為了我勇敢 是不能替代的 太陽

你的光芒 決定信仰
撫平了傷 為愛抵擋
你的光芒 是我力量
撫平了傷 你是太陽

: : 太陽 : : 阿沁 : :

阿沁's new song! (: you hear your own heartbeat and yourself gasping for air.
you feel the perspiration dripping down onto the floor.
you feel the adrenaline rush in your blood.
you hear the music blasting in your earphones.
and you miss those feelings of the muscles being worked.

Welcome to my life!

Or rather, the life that i found back after i went jogging just now. Been one month since i last went jogging- it really brought back fond memories of how i used to like trainings though it was physically torturing. But when you are in the game (or rather sports) its just you and the sport- with your full attention on the task that is at hand and i guess that is the power of focusness.

When you are tired, look for a new means to bring out your best, do something that you enjoy instead of stiffle yourself with things that are totally choking you. Got to pick up sports all over again! (:
WHO AM I THAT YOU
WASH MY FEET?
THE PRINCE OF HEAVEN'S BLOOD
SHED FOR ME

WHO AM I
THAT YOU CALLED MY NAME?
NAILED MY SIN TO A CROSS
UNFAILING GRACE

GREATER IS HE
WHO'S IN ME
GREATER ARE YOU
THAN ALL THE EARTH
MY CLOSEST FRIEND
MY SAVIOR
SO MUCH MORE THAN I DESERVE

LET MY LIFE
BRING YOU HONOR
LET MY WORDS
BRING YOU PRAISE
YOUR GREAT LOVE
IS ALL I WANT LORD

MY REFUGE, MY SHELTER,
MY HEALER AND REST
ALMIGHTY, REDEEMER,
SALVATION AND STRENGTH

: : Greater is He : : CCC : :

Entering into the main hall with mixed emotions of stressed, anxiousness and anger. The day had passed well except for the presentation for the project. Despite the efforts that were put in, it was evident that the prof was bias and picked on the ideas that he dint think will work. Though there are certain parts of the project that we messed up, critical judgments and totally UN-encouraging tone was uncalled for during the evaluation. He gave the vibes that he is going to fail us and there is no hope of the sustainibility of what we are doing. This is what i call the dashing of a dream and a vision.

Anyhow, i carried those feelings and emotions into the hall- i know that i need to be there. In the sense that cos my members are there but i also know that i need a touch from God to take away how i was feeling.Of cos, the praise was great- i was just venting all my frustrations out!! lols.. and the worship was good as well- indeed Greater is He who is in me, in you and you and you..!!

Verse of the day:

For I desire mercy and not sacrifice,
And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.
~Hosea 6:6

I was thinking like how to fast this week and this verse came to my mind, i was not quite clear what it meant as i was thinking more along the line that if i need time all the more i need to sacrifice my time to pray if i need food then all the more i need to sacrifice my food and if i need money, i need to sacrifice money, but the thing is right, that is not what God require, all that He require is us knowing him and worshiping him above all the sacrifices that we comply ourselves to give to Him.I guess as we worship and seek Him, we would know what to do and what is the calling and direction for everything in our lives. When I fall in love
It will be forever
Or I'll never fall in love



In a restless world
Like this is
Love is ended before it's begun

And too many
Moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

When I give my heart
I give it completely
Or I'll never give my heart

And the moment
I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you



: : When I Fall In Love : :



This song keep coming up today: first time was during service the adult choir performed it and the other time was when i was in my dad's cab before i reached home: within the span of 4 hours..lols..anyway its the theme song for sleepless in seattle! (: i am a movieholic!!!! i think that the way that Rebecca would say it, it allows you time to immerse in that happy feeling!!! I like to read (last time!) and watch shows, cos it allow you to immerse yourself in the story and forget about the things that you have to do and the things that are on your mind just for that hour or so. But of cos, when the curtain falls and the show end, you are back to the original but i think that movies and stories, they are there to keep you sane! (:

anyway, today i woke up at close to 3pm and the first thing that i did was to check my phone!! was supposed to meet kenneth at 1pm and at 3pm i was just waking up!! i felt so bad larh!! but Kenneth was understanding enough to not hold it against me!!! we will meet up for a econs session soon ok? i am so so so sorry about it!!! i think the week of lack of slp is taking a toll on my body. Better rest early today, after today then dont really need to slp again!! Hell week no2 will start again on monday with 2 presentations and 1 exams!! gosh!!! and easter is coming!! it is so going to be good!!!

No weapon formed against us will prosper!!!!! Just a quick post before i ZzZZzzzz...

just watched Confessiion of a Shopaholic! and i love it!!! its just my kind of show!!! hahaha..and i like the guy- he's cute!! and he is intellectual and nice!! not to mention he is rich too!! oh wells. but to reality.

I guess that it is the kind of show that help to put things into perspectives, i like the way that she writes as the girl with the green scarf, its kind of interesting when when you write actually impact and influence people when they read what you write. I am definitely not an academic and half the good reads online and offline in the publications- they bore me sometimes and half the time, i just cant seem to understand what they are talking about. It seems almost unrealistic to read them cos the words dont relate to you at all. Yet, we are all so caught up with all these things about expression and about how you need to be educated and all, yes that is the truth but not everyone is an english major (or whatever language context that it is in). Anyhow, i like the show.

and it sort of made me think when jun ask me to update my birthday wishlist, i dont need almost all the things on the previous list.

what i need: sleep, clear projects, good grades and a job (none of which that people can buy for me!!). What money can buy though and what i need is a laptop but i think this is way off budget (and like what weijing say: you think your friends print money one arh??) so, i am not a difficult person, just be something that is interesting!! (: I am toying about the idea of a photo scrapbook BUT its just a very bad period larh...

One last thing before i sign off- the importance of trust and also girlfriends. You watch about the importance of a girlfriend- pick up after you, give you a place to stay when you have nowhere to do, after you betrayed her, she will still be willing to forgive you.

if you are a guy and you think that you have done all of the above- welcome to sisterhood!! (: hahahha 3 hours of sleep, 1 hour of travel, 1 hour of prayer meeting and 1.5 hours of driving- that was what happened in the past 8 hours of my life. Sleep is increasingly becoming an luxury that i dont enjoy but what looms ahead is not that welcoming either. Sometimes i wish that that will speed up full steam ahead as i drag the amount of work that comes with everyday and every deadline, yet the uncertainly ahead make me wish otherwise.

I wish i would be like one of the many friends and people in class who have secured jobs already, yet i know that i am not that ready for the working life. You know how when you are younger, you think that the faster you get out of school the better but seriously think twice, you will never be able to relive the days of your school life every again. Those carefree and commitment-less days. As you step into the workforce, bills and stress will start to pile up on you.

Looking back, i would definitely say that i wish that i could have done better but that is what we always say dont we? I feel that I am stuck in my state right now because i belong to the "not here not there" kind of status. Not first and second upper where people will fight to get them into their organisation yet not third class where people wonder what is the point that you are doing honours. Seriously, taking honours is cos i dont know what I want to do. Yet, I do not regret taking honours year. Many things had happened in the past year and I am glad that i am part of the whole NUS/NTU (shortern to be NUTS) movement where we saw how the unified NUS can do so much more for God than the past 10 years add together. I made many new and good friends through the campus ministry (or so to speak), it was more than a ministry, it is something that we enjoy (though there are times that we cannot be there!). More than that, I thank God for the opportunity to know the NM honours class the way that I do today (which would not have happened if i had not stayed for one more year). Yes, there are certain things that you cant do because you are a second lower yet, there are certain things that money cant buy and I am glad that I got to know this crazy bunch of people.

We talk, we laugh, we make fun of one another. In class, we shoot at each other, ask questions that no one understand what we were talking about (even we dont understand ourselves) and also give responses that dont make sense (so much for the citycare role yesterday, i dont understand my answer half the time!) and we criticise, we learn from one and other, we laugh at inside jokes, we make funny comments about some peeping tom in the toilet (ahaha!). I slowly grow to enjoy the presence of this bunch of people.

As I stand at the crossroad at this juncture of my life, i turn around and look and realised the reality of Howard's words at the beginning of this academic year. The words from Darren piercing through to the deepest of my soul. The accuracy and the "right on" nailing down of the facts -- the campus is the last contact point that you get have with the leaders of the next generation. It is the last point that you can impact the whole cohort of people right at the same time. Though at times we dont say that we dont learn anything from classes but it is the innagte and implicit knowledge and experience that is more important. Around me are people who are going to work in MINDEF, MICA, MHA, MOE and what other ministry boards are there in Singapore- this is the bunch of people who are going to make the next rules and be the next minsters. We always say and criticise about how there is no freedom of speech in Singapore but instead of taking things head-on and ended up injured and out, the education system allow you to make things happen from within. Yes, you think that this is a whole load of bullshit - if it is going to happen, why havent it happen yet? Be patience, wait for this generation, we may not be perfect but I believe in all those that are around me and I know that they are going to make the decisions and the changes that are necessary to bring Singapore to the next level.

The challenge now would be to pray for them, pray that their aspirations will not be stiffled out by the many years in the ministries. Pray that the passion and the dreams that they have will continue to burn strong. Pray for openness to change and the wisdom to make those decisions. Pray that there will be a time 20years down the road that we can say, yes it has happened. I look forward to those days that i can be watching the parliament in session and say that "hey, that's my friend!" when one of the minsters make the speech.

For those who are like me- dont belong to that elitist group, its ok, there is always room for us somewhere else. Those who still have the chance to be part of it, seize the moment to make a change that will go down into history!!

***

why such a post?? dont know, lack of sleep!!!

writing test (again!) later and also cell group meeting! (:
Plus i can finally get some sleep tml!! YAY!!! (: I am totally falling asleep and i need to do this to keep myself awake.

Using Yanzhi's laptop now *thank God for her*- mine, it is in its last stage right now, anytime can go home and be with the Lord!!! *sigh*

Somethings that you can help to pray for me for:
- Tues 07 April 3-6pm Entrepreneurial Marketing
- Wed 08 April 11-1pm Theory of Urban Design Final Exam
- Thurs 09 April 3-6pm Consumer Behaviour Presentation
- Sat 11 April 3-5pm Consumer Behaviour Final Exams
- Tues 14 April 9am-12pm Communication for Social Change Presentation
- Thurs 16 April 9am-12pm Computer Mediated Environments Presentation
- Thurs 16 April Consumer behaviour Report Submission
- Fri 17 April Communication for Social Change Group Report Submission
- Tues 21 April Communication for Social Change Individual Paper Submission
- Tues 21 April Entrepreneurial Marketing Final Group Report Submission
- Fri 24 April Computer Mediated Environment Final Group Report
- Fri 24 April Media and Regulations Final Group Report
- Mon 27 April Entrepreneurial Marketing Final Exams

_IT IS FINISHED_

yes, that is the day that i would be ending my life here in NUS on- one of the first exams in this semester. and i am done on the first day. Thereafter would be helping Madeline with her wedding which is the Sat after my exams.

**

Stayed up but was too tired so i went to sleep. Was supposed to wake up at 4am but Dad only woke me up at 5pm. I lost one hour but i finished the paper and it is laying next to the laptop now. One more down and a few many others to go!!! I cant wait for the projects and everything to be over, yet at the same time, there is the uncertainty of what to do after graduation and also i am going to miss school (after i graduated!! *sigh)

Tomorrow is a long day, cant wait for a short break over the weekend!!!
OLDER | NEWER