Repost of flight details:

30 May 09 Sat Morning/ Fri Night

Flight SQ231 depart 0025hrs Changi International Airport Terminal 3Arrival at Sydney Kingsford Smith Airport 0955 hrs

Tues 09 June TuesdayDepart for Singapore 1525hrs on SQ 222 (A380!!!)Arrive in Singapore 2150hrs

**
Packing up the pieces that came today to announce the end of my NUS life and bringing it together with me to Sydney. Hopefully I'll be leaving it behind as i come back. I am sick and tired of getting results that you dont know whether to be happy or sad about. But well this is one last time already. So...yearh...

the long awaited break, i really need it to think through about life and what I want to do in life. But i would miss the dear ones when I am away:

N397!
The Gang
Laopo and Laoba
My darlings from NUS
The N.U.T.S people! (:
and many others.....

***

Glad that TJ gave her heart to Jesus again! Glad that she told me about it as well. Girl, welcome back to the family and I wish you happiness, joy and peace! (:

**

and that is 8hours before departure!! See yoU! okay..i woke up this morning at 8plus though i slept at 5am- must be the mind telling me that there are tons of things to do and cannot afford to sleep. But i dont feel like waking up and attempted to finish reading The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger(recommended by Joey) which is quite a good read and i am chapters away from the end of the book. (Link is to Wiki if you want to find out more about the book).

It is in the process of being made into a movie casting Australian Eric Bana (known for his role in Black Hawk Down and Star Trek) as Henry DeTamble (aka the time traveller) and Rachel McAdams (known for her leading role in The Notebook) as Clare Abshire (aka the time traveller's wife). Think that it is scheduled to be released in the Autumn of this year in the US, not sure about the release date locally. From the looks of it from the book, it might be rated R21 or M18 if they did not receive the explicit details from the story which makes up quite a bulk of the story. I would love to compare the book and movie though. Hope that I wouldnt be disappointed. hahah.

Why did i started talking about the book?? Oh yah..it was the second depressing book that i read in the past week, earlier on i was reading 张小娴's 我在云上爱你 and it ended sadly also!! OMG!! and i woke up this morning with the plots from the 2 books ringing in my mind as i went to take a shower, having the feeling like after I leave today I wouldnt be coming back *CHOY!* The power of the things that you put in your mind huh?? I was at the DARE programme yesterday and learnt that everyday there are about 66,000 thoughts that go through our mind and out of which 44,000 are negative -- does this mean that humans are negative by nature? It takes extra effort to remain positive, I guess that it takes more than your own will power, sometimes you need more than that. Faith keeps you going. Of cos, I got over the feeling as I took an hour to pack my luggage (yes, i was too busy to get around to packing it!) and now I feel more settled down. Needs to help Yen finish up with a piece of writing before I leave. Issue now is as we booked a 2-to-go tickets, I cant check-in my luggage earlier alone, so trying to see if i can put my luggage at Laurel's and go over to collect it before heading to the airport.

***

昨天我到了奶妈家，也就是我嘴里的“妈妈”。
从小我没有亲生的妈妈在我的身边，是妈妈把我带大的！但过了三分之一的人生的我， 才慢慢的领悟妈妈最想要的是什么。
她不需要奢华的生活， 但是像每一个母亲， 她只希望自己的孩子生活国得好， 有一个幸福的家庭。
我以前跟没美个人一样， 觉得我们长大之后长辈们都变得很烦。一下子不是摧婚，结了婚就想要抱孙子！可是昨天到妈妈的家，与她的对话当中我发现了事实。 原来，她只不过想在她短暂，有限的人生里，参与孩子们生命里的更多！
当然这些都不是她跟我说的， 可是我可以感受到她是这样想的。
I hope that in the time that I have with her, I can let her share my joy in as many areas as possible, my graduation, my wedding, my first child, I hope that God let her stay around for long enough to witness all that!! I begin to think that life is really fragile, I hope that we'll all have more moments with the people who matter to us in life.

***
Ok, this is really messing up my mood, got to go and prepare and finish up with what I am supposed to do.

Dad is really upset about the onset of the situation in Australia now about the Swine Flu, please keep me in prayers that everything will be fine. Australia (Gold Coast) is having horrible weather, do help to pray that it would be good when we are there!

Flight details:
30 May 09 Sat Morning/ Fri Night
Flight SQ231 depart 0025hrs Changi International Airport Terminal 3
Arrival at Sydney Kingsford Smith Airport 0955 hrs

Tues 09 June Tuesday
Depart for Singapore 1525hrs on SQ 222 (A380!!!)
Arrive in Singapore 2150hrs

if you are interested in picking me up, do drop an sms!! hahahaha..okay, i am going off.

Good Day!! Bye Singapore and Howdy Australia! i decided that the black skin is not really me and decided to change the skin again. But then again, this doesnt feel totally right either! oh wells, when i have the time then maybe i'll redo it again.

Anyhow, tons of things to do before i can take my leave on Friday night. Looking forward to some time off in a foreign land! (:

And definitely away from the heat and rain of this island-state.

Toodles, will update again tml. 我不能打中文， 我超不爽的!!!
Actually i still cant do that on the laptop but beloved cousins passed me a hand-me-down, good o' desktop with wireless keyboard and mouse and i am serious enjoying the kepboard which is plugged in to my laptop and using it from here. Cant seem to be install the service pack for the laptop still and along the way got really irritated with it, when i really feel like writing in chinese (which i was just now before the who IE crashed and my skin changed were gone as well!!) i would go and on the desktop.

Long and eventful day, plus i am quite sure that i am pms-ing, its making me feel like crying or maybe its just the instructor screaming and scolding that really brought the tears to my eyes that I have to hold back during my driving lesson and after that when I was on the bus down to town to meet jiawei for lunch, it just came pouring down- hope i dint freak out people on the bus though.

People seems to have this expectation that you are supposed to know what you want and the things that you would like to accomplish in your life. The truth however may not necesary be this way. 我们的生命是由许许多多的梦想编制在一起的。但是， 也有一些时候， 在这其中的一小部分, 你还没有看清楚! 可是这不代表你就已迷失方向， 只不过还没有找到把两个梦想连接起来的那块拼图。Yet, we face the pressure and the questioning on why you dont have a direction in life. Are we so hard-pressed for time that you dont get the opportunity to discover yourself? Yes, time is precious and it is ticking away, that's why it is all the more important to spend time to discover yourself then to waste the rest of your life doing sth and at the end you realised that it is not what you really want to do.

Perhaps this upcoming break is a good chance to do some reflection! (: Looking forward to it. Think we conceptualised this trip for a long time, it started out as a thought as we ended primary school that we should go travel together after sec 4 or sth. then that occasion came and went and we are still here. JC and 'A' levels came and went and we still have yet to achieve that. Universite mark the beginning of visiting Siang in Aussie and now 4years since the starting of university to mark the end of that phrase in our lives, and 10 years since we starting thinking about an overseas trip together, it is soon becoming a reality! (:

Counting down: 4 days! (: Daylight
See the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses whither away
Like the sunflower
I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day...

Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Every streetlamp
Seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters
And the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning

DaylightI must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I musn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning

Touch me
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You'll understand what happiness is

Look
A new day has begun

: : Memory : : Cats (The Musical) : :

Wanted to watch the Musical but did not have the money and the time (it was project period then..), now a little regret!! Dont know when would be the next time that they would be coming to Singapore. Dint know that the song came from the musical, i liked it since I was young (and yes, i think that it just showed that I am old)..oh wells..Sometimes these classics just bring goosebumps when you listen to them.

(i look up and noticed the 4 books that are on top of my printer waiting for me to read them!) Anyhow, I told myself to go and bath at 12, so i shall go and continue my post later! (: I am starting to think that the word and the vision that was given during CG yest is prophetic.

It has been a powerful and spirit-filled week! Tuesday leaders meeting with Dr. Niko, a time of praying in the spirit and then Sat service with Rev. Mike Connell. I began to realise that as you take a step of faith, you begin to be more aware and sensitive to the way that God speak to you in your life. Different one of us may experience God in a different way, but when you have frequent contact with Him, you begin to be so familiarise with the feeling that when you have that feeling or experience- you know that it is God.

I was just thinking- God you gave all of us, especially the leaders in the CG a new dream, a new vision to work towards and we are so excited for it and like suddenly this week so many people are not here and we feel a little discouraged! I was thinking, isnt this a little contradictory. Then I just felt reminded about the picture that was in my mind yesterday.

In the distance, there is a storm cloud coming but there are 4 white carriages that are guarded by 4 angels and we are reminded once and again that those who are with us are more than those who are against us. The 4 angels are guarding and protecting the 4 corners- total protection. Yet, the storm will come but as we go through the storm, we do not need to be afraid, because God's angels are there to protect us and no harm will come upon us. But as we go through the storm, our character will be tested and proven and we would see the breakthrough that we need.

I am so excited that Greater things are just ahead after the storm! (: Definitely a read, I cant even write like the way she did! woah!

It's worthwhile taking 5 mins to read this essay.
Have read this before and it is definitely worth having another read...

Singapore girl wins Commonwealth essay prize!A 15-YEAR-OLD Singaporean, competing against 16- to18-year-olds, has won the top prize in a writing contest that drew 5,300entries from 52 countries...

In the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition, AmandaChong of Raffles Girls' School (Secondary) chose to compete in the older category and won with a piece on the restlessness of modern life.

Her short story, titled What The Modern Woman Wants,focused on the conflict in values between an old lady and her independent-minded daughter.

'Through my story, I attempted to convey the unique East-versus-West struggles and generation gaps that I felt were characteristic of young people in my country,' said Amanda, who likes drama, history and literature and wants to become a lawyer and a politician.

Chief examiner Charles Kemp called her piece a'powerfully moving and ironical critique of modern restlessness and its potentially cruel consequences'.

The writing is fluent and assured, with excellent use of dialogue.Amanda gets (S$1,590). A Singaporean last won the topprize in 2000, said Britain 's Royal Commonwealth Society, which has been organising the competitionsince 1883. Singaporeans also came in second in the14- to 15-year-old category, and fourth in theunder-12s. Other winners included students fromAustralia, Canada and South Africa .

***
What the Modern Woman Wants
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen

The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it maybe kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seatbelt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'

Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance''Liquidation''Assets' 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her BeeChoo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent.The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval.

'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!'Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steeringwheel in irritation.

'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled asshe clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily toward the backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked itup and handed it to her daughter.

'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client inAmerica . There have been a lot of problems.'

The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important. Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look.The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.

'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her, how an Englishname was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones being easily forgotten.

'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'

Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.

'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of josssticks!'The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence.The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the mainhall.Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.

'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important phonecall to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit ajoss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.

Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook.Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success.

What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter tome. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her head bowed in reverenceshe planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smouldering ashes. She bowed once more.

The old woman had been praying for her daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son.Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pinkcheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name. Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted.

Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man.She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.

She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her,speaking a language she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, toone who openly defied her, calling her laotu; old-fashioned.. She wanted her mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.

Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but thewealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless,with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes. Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values..

Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman.Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter left the earth everything shehad would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like theashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.

The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there -down.

The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life. Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty soulless shell at the altar.The old lady watched her joss tick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing.

Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder.She met her daughter outside the temple, the same lookof worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face.

An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness. They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before.

'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't knowhow to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road . Once we move in to our apartmentwe plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have morespace to ourselves...'

The old woman nodded knowingly.Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out - but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you.You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that,the apartment is rather small. There won't be space.We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home. There's one near Hougang - it's a Christian home, a very nice one.'

The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. 'I've beenthere, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you, you'd be happier there.'

'You'd be happier there, really.' Her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself.This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers trace the white seat.

'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother.. 'Is everything okay? 'What had to be done, had to be done.

'Yes,' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.

'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to packyour things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.

'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status,Career, Love,Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...

Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. 'Stocks 10% increase!'

Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her...And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.

***
Doesnt this reflect the reality of the society that we are living in right now? Praying to the gods at the temple for the blessing and the goodwill for the younger generation, seriously how many times do all the old women pray for themselves? I think that would be close to NONE. These are the temples that we used to visit when we were younger and ah mah will just bring us there on big occasions and on occasions such as just before your major exams to pray that you will top the class and do well. I keep telling myself that i got to be extra careful how i deal with this, this is the god that they have prayed to their whole life, asking them to believe in Jesus seems like the more obscure thing that could ever happen to them. All that i pray is that in the short time that i still have with the older generation, i would have the opportunity to see them receiving the understanding of the knowledge of God.

Having brought up your children, the last thing that you want is to have your children leaving you in a home, thinking that you will be happier there. I believe that they would be happier living in the storeroom of your house then to stay in the cold and unfamiliar home that you have sent them to. Family is the only thing that doesnt change (maybe it does, but i pray that it doesnt), it is your refuge and your shelter that when you have braved the storms can come back to and have a good rest.

What is the point of gaining the whole world and then to lose your own soul? There must be more to life, yet these are the things that we are all chasing after right now. Well, i went to the meeting feeling sick and down- i said to myself, if this is not a special meeting with Dr. Niko, i would be on the way home sleeping off the fever and the burning throat.

I know that every leader's meeting is important, contrary to most people, i believe that the leader's meeting is very important for a leader. There are alot of times that we would not share the tiniest details with our leaders cos we do not see of them as a major problem and it is something that we would be able to overcome and get over after a while. Thus, Leaders meeting is a time where you really dwell in the presence of God before you start another week ahead.

From the start of the tues meeting, my hair were all standing and in my heart i was just thinking and hoping that today there would be a laying on of hands for the leader (then in your mind you think that it must be crazy to lay hands on ALL the leaders!! its sheer madness)

Dr Niko prayed for all the leaders (yes! its crazy!) and throughout the entire meeting, the presence of God was so evident in the auditorium, i think that everyone can sense that there is something different in the air. Everyone rushed forward to be prayed for, wanting a touch from the man of God and from God Himself. As i was being prayed for, i felt nothing but a sharp pain running through my back as i fell onto the steps as the catcher did not managed to break my fall (my mind and body was screaming PAIN!!!!! and my heart was like...huh?? that's all, i wanted to enjoy the moment and its all destroyed by the piercing pain!!) but its ok..so i made my way back to my seat.

After reaching back to my seat, the presence of God just fell and I just couldnt stop crying, its been a long time since I last experience that, just weeping in the presence of God. I was brought back to be reminded of that genuine love for God that we must remind ourselves to hold on to all the time. The times when you came to church because you wanted a touch from heaven, you wanted to expereience the love that was lacking in the world as everyone fought to be the top and the best, the love that was lacking in a world where we are too busy chasing the "dreams" that we have set and planned out for ourselves. Goals to achieve, things to do, people to meet and often, we put God into the background.

The life of Dr Niko reminded me of one thing: Obedience- something that we kind of replace with talent as we become more "professional" in the operations of our lives. You see, God was not looking for talent, God is always looking for obedience, the first time that we said that God we want to do something great for you, we were not looking at our talents- because those words would not have came out of my mouth if i am thinking of that, to me, i am the most talentless person, totally lack of self-esteem and totally dont think that I would be able to do anything else, fear for everything.

But in the presence of God, I began to have a dream once again and I begin to believe that maybe there is something that i can do for God. I know that I would definitely be a Plan A- but that is measured by the standards of the world- Because in God's world we are always His Plan A, because there are things that only YOU can do, because as God plan out the sequence of things, He put YOU in-charge of that particular element. True, if you dont do it, there will be another person who would do it, the person would have achieved great success but the success would and can never measure up to that which could have been if YOU are the one who responded to the call of God.

Prayer, Praise and Worship. I add obedience to the equation as well. God, I may not be the worlds's Plan A but I am always your Plan A and I am glad to know that. Give me the strength to do what you want me to do, bring me to the places and people that you want me to go and meet. Open every door that you intended so that I can make the right decisions and close every door that is not meant to be. More than that, always stay by my side to be my God, my helper and my guide! (:

(p.s.: partly the reason that at that point in time i decided to not take up the job at the firm! there is just no peace and i want to be a God pleaser!) 時光是琥珀　淚一滴滴被反鎖
情書再不朽　也磨成沙漏
青春的上游　白雲飛走蒼狗與海鷗
閃過的念頭　潺潺的溜走

命運好幽默　讓愛的人都沉默　
一整個宇宙　換一顆紅豆　
回憶如困獸　寂寞太久而漸漸溫柔　
放開了拳頭　反而更自由

慢動作　繾綣膠卷　
重播默片　定格一瞬間
我們在　告別的演唱會　
說好不再見

你寫給我　我的第一首歌　
你和我　十指緊扣　
默寫前奏　可是那然後呢　
還好我有　我這一首情歌　
輕輕的　輕輕哼著
哭著笑著　我的天長地久

長鏡頭　越拉越遠　
越來越遠　事隔好幾年
我們在　懷念的演唱會　
禮貌的吻別R

陪我唱歌　清唱你的情歌
捨不得　短短副歌　
心還熱著也該告一段落
還好我有　我下一首情歌
生命宛如　靜靜的　
相擁的河永遠　天長地久

: : 情歌 : : 梁静茹 : :

heard this song on 敗犬女王 just now - as usual the typical ballad that i like! (: Really like this latest album of 梁静茹, i think they used all the songs in her album in the show, so far more than 5 have appeared in the show already and I am really behind in the show. Anyhow, go see the lyrics of this song- make you feel like reminiscing about the good old times that kind of feeling.

***

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Many times, we looked at our own lives and wonder why we cant be someone else or why we cant be like someone else- but the matter of the fact and the fact of the matter is that- God chose you because you are you! God knows that we have our weaknesses, and He still chose to use us because it is our weakness that make us great when we overcome them through the grace of God.

The Bible is full of contradictions (as in the way that it is different from the mainsteam texts- would anyone in real life boast about their weakness??) because God uses the despised of the world to shame the strong. If God has chosen you, how come most of the time, we still dont think that we are the chosen one?

We looked at the lacks in our lives and think that we are not worthy and think that we cannot accomplish great things but God look at the potential that is within us and believed in us so much more than we would ever believe in ourselves. Thus, we need to discover and maximises on the potential that is within us and not keep harping over the things that we are not able to achieve. Maybe that would make our lives easier and simpler?

Having said that, accepting yourself and thinking that we dont doubt ourselves is naive, and its hard, we all feel down and discouraged from time to time. But its not the falling down that matters in a race, it is the picking yourself up and finishing the race that matters.

I wish I can convince myself of the things that I just wrote. (see, its easier said than done!) 心跳停了 哭泣停了
雨水停了 呼吸停了
時間停了 眼淚停了
聲音停了 時間也瞬間停了

I fly into the sky
Falling in love with you
I hope you don't mind
I have broken your heart

重新看看我自己
我怎麼能放棄
直到我遇見了你
我才知道自己有勇氣

重新認識我自己
我怎麼能放棄
我的心已經痊愈
我在學習愛你 等待你

: : 瞬间 : : 蓝又时 : :

I realised the importance of a dream and vision, it is something that keeps you going. Otherwise, you will be hitting around in the air and at the end of it all, you will catch nothing. There are some people who knows what they are doing and knows where they want to go, so much so that they would do anything to achieve their goals. That is being a little extreme, you need to be flexible and make changes so that you do not at the end of it all, gain the whole world but loses your own soul.

The thing is, we dont really have to make any major decisions till we graduate from university. Afterall, for the first quarter of our lives, it had been mapped out for us. You know that your role as a student is to do well in your students (whatever field that may be). So you went from primary school to secondary school and then to JC and Poly thereafter. After that, you realised that an 'A' levels cert and a Poly diploma does not bring you anywhere in this competitive society, hence, you need to get a university degree. Having this mapped out, you literally had just spent 19 years of your short 23 years life in school!!! (19 including your kindergarden and all). Seriously, you only begin living your life pretty much at the end of these 19 years of studying.

The case is the same for me, I knew that I needed to do well in my studies to get out of the kind of life that I see my family lived in and never visit it again. I knew from young that NUS was my final destination in education. I might not have been the brightest but I still made it through all the way to university. So, you would think that I would think that I had achieved my goal in Year 1 and began thinking about what I want in my life from there. Wrong, most of us choose to cruise through and enjoy the freedom that comes with university life. Projects and assignments are enough to keep you busy together with part-time jobs, tuitions, church activities, you think that you have your hands full and you just want to leave things as it is. True and well, may or may not be very wise and well false at the same time.

I think I dont really want to face the reality, until now it hit me right smack in my face. Though I have long term goals, I dont really have something in mind of what I want to do now that I finished university. Even if the richest guy in the world were to come and offer me any job right now, i think that i would have problem telling him what i really want to do- actually if this really happen, I think I would know what I want to do!! hahaha..I would fulfill my long term goal right now!! hahaha.

People say: what is your hobby? What do you enjoy doing? What are you good at? This is a problem in itself- do we really know what we enjoy doing and what we are good at? I know that I can pretty much handle anything that is given to me (all the techical stuff aside), so what am I good at? Spend too much time thinking and there is no answer to that, the thing is God can give us a dream but where does that dream come from? I cant be it come out of nowhere, it births forth from a desire that you have within you and God will give wings to that desire and that dream and making it bigger than you ever imagined that it can be. But you first got to know what you want to do!!

Perhaps, it is really time to explore what do I really want to do. The clock is ticking and I cant sit around doing nothing for too long. Part of me want to try out things and just learn and experience new stuff, but there is this part of me that is not satisfied to do that, I want to know what I want to do. I guess, I want to be in control of my own life and know what is going to be happening next. Every step that I take should add on to the pool or knowledge and resources that will help me get to where I want to go next time.

I need to talk to someone and maybe that someone is God. life..its a funny thing.

I begin this NUS-CHC journey 4 years ago even before i started school at the 2005 Emerge NUS POS and somehow it feels like today is the unofficial end to it (well, officially there is not supposed to be any end larh..cos alumni marh!!)

well, many things changed, when you are 19 and you are full of anticipation to start school and uni life is quite different as when you are 23 and rather apathetic about the market outlook. I think one of the things that I must say that I used to have more is the Passion and the drive, somehow the toil of life had managed to suck the passion out of me, I had become more laid-back (in Singapore terms- slackened). Was there any different in the vision? No, the call and the vision of God for your life doesnt change, it just become clearer over time. We are the one who changed path and lose our way.

NUS-NTU prayer meeting today. Something in me made me cancel my driving to go down (and my instructor is hopping mad!) and i seriously do not regret that decision. There and there in that LT in Archi, it seems like all of us were transported to another place. Indeed, when two or three are gathered in His name, there He will be in the midst, the presence and the anointing of God was so strong there- no, its not Expo, its not Jurong West, its NUS and the power of God is there to touch lives.

Not only the upcoming camp is going to be great, with a renewed passion and faith, i think our lives are changed and transformed as well. No more NUS student life for me, but I am glad that I have this chance to be part of the prayer meeting one last time as a student, the next time i would be a graduate already.

Has my situation changed? No, nothing in the environment changed. I am still face with the fact that I do not have a job!! haha..oh wells. But there is something within me that changed- the belief that God will lead to the right place and the right position that He wants me to be at. Its great to feel the faith and the passion once again. As you revisit the place, you will not stay at the same level but the Holy Spirit will bring you to relive and go to the next level from there.

Excited about the things ahead. God you alone will provide and guide me! Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my

: : Angel : : Sarah McLachlan : :

More than a nice melody,
More than the sweetest of word’s,
This is love i have found,
and with this love I am found.

I just want You Jesus,
I just want You my Lord,
I just want You Jesus,
I just want You.

Never could I comprehend,
The love You so freely give,
Never could I be with You,
But Your love covers all of my sin.
There is no greater love than Your’s,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if i search all the world
I will never find a love like Your’s.

: : I Just Want You : : Planetshakers : :

Was out today and I heard the Angel song being played and just remember how nice it was!! (:

I just want you- really really nice song from planetshakers that we were singing for the past few weeks in the services! (: Old songs but seriously some of the old songs are the ones that captures your heart the best- i like the CHC version!! (: I like the way that Bel and Aly lead and sing the song, it totally bring you into another realm! (: the Spiritual realm! (:

***
Alright, actually there are alot of things that i want to say, havent wrote for quite awhile, was just thinkig about how to pen them all down while i was bathing but now i have seemed to lost all motivation to blog! Really cant seem to recall now but i must say that the Mothers' Day Drama is good arh! (imagine me saying this with a Hong Kong Accent! hahah) but more importantly, the presence of God is even greater!

Finished giving my building fund!!! Believing God that a breakthrough is coming and i am going to secure my job soon!!! but in the meantime, i am looking forward to my Australia Trip that is in 19days!!! woah..counting down!!! (:

**

Sometimes, its really good to just spend time with friends, talk about anything under the sun, talk about your life, what you think, how you feel. Talk about the latest shows to catch, the must-haves and what-not.

The thing is that, there are few moments like that you in your life. When you can, take the time off, spend time to just sit around and enjoy the cup of coffee and just listen and talk about just about anything under the sun. Treasure the times and moments like these- they will keep you going as you look back knowing that there is someone there for you! (:

**

Canon in D is my favourite instrumental piece!! Collecting different versions, if you have- do send me! (:
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