I keep thinking about this sentence that Pastor Tan said, God has given different grace to the different ones for the different things that he has given to each one of us to do. Its simply amazing!! I really think that this is the beginning of something great!! Not just me, I think everyone around is feeling the same way, we are at the threshold of a major breakthrough- for our own individual lives, for the CG, for the zone and as a whole church! There is something electrifying in the spiritual atmosphere.

Yesterday was an amazing day! Its scary how fast God can respond to your prayer!!

Went back for the CNM homecoming yesterday! It was something that i really drag when you know the rest of the people are really making it out there, having jobs in the great companies or in the public service and you are right there still looking for a job. It sort of make me feel that I was a second class person, unable to find a job, its like making me feel that I am not good enough- that's why I have not found a job. And there was some comments that were made that really made me cringe and I was thinking am I really suited to do what I am doing and would I be suitable to handle the kind of judgment that people will have on me should I choose not to work in the media line like most of my friends in the dept? For the moment, I was determined to look for a job like one of them, in the media or in the public services so that when we are talking, I would feel that i fit in better, I would take pride when I am able to say that "Hey, I am working in this and this company!" But deep down, I shot a urgent prayer to God, needing Him to show me where He wants me to do after my internship ends the following week. I guess at the end of the day, I dont just want to please people but I want to please God and I want to walk in the will of God.

Took a cab to school and spent $27 bucks!!! I know its crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!! The amount of money!!! I think cab drivers if they are lucky earns alot! hahaha..

While I took cab i was still very late!!! Sigh..But I managed to reach while we were still having worship and I sat there still thinking about stuff as the offering, the annoncement and everything was going on. Then, Pastor Tan came on stage to preach. There is an anticipation for what he was going to share, after all, he is one of my favorite preachers!! I love the way that he was about to give us "new" insights or rather show us something that was always there but we failed to see!! He started from 1 Cor 12 (which is like a continuation of where he left off from the day before when he shared with some of us). He took us through a journey of learning and studying the word and then he started talking about serving in church Full-time. Then my antenna began to shoot up! You must know that an hour ago i was just sending God an urgent SMS for a direction and here is Pastor Tan talking about serving at a full-time capacity in various ways, not just as a pastoral staff. I was like thinking, God is very efficient in answering prayers sometimes that its scary!!

However, like most people, I was thinking, NO, this cannot be me. I sort of like rejected that whole idea, thinking that it must be for someone else, maybe the person next to me. And the preaching goes on and it is starting to address some of the things that some people have been saying about and I was thinking even if I want to serve in church I should go and work and get some experience, then the next moment Pst say, what makes you think that what the world have is better, you shld have the best people in church, in the first space (it was like God answering your questions and having a conversation with you there and right there). This went on for awhile with a few other questions and pst seems to just be answering all the doubts in my mind and I believe in the mind of the many others there in the service.

Then came the altar call, which I was hoping that he wouldnt give a call for those who feel that God has called them to serve at a full-time capacity. Or maybe pst will just ask us to raise up our hands in the crowd and I hoping that I can just blend into the crowd. But it was a call to "come" to just go to the front. Of cos I struggled, I am thinking about how everyone will see and know that you are the one who had responded and I wonder what will they be thinking of me. So I was thinking if there is just one person in my row that respond, I would go too. And as I open my eyes, I saw Ivan walking 0ut and I thought, "aiyah, just go larh..what can i possibly lose??" And I walked out and everything else became a blur of activities after that.

The conversation "with God" continued as I stood there in front, thoughts like how inadequate I am, how I have failed to even grow my own CG and help my own people -- How can I serve God at a full-time capacity in the time to come just flood through my mind and it was then when Pst Tan said again to not think that we are not good enough and there I was trembling and with tears steaming down my face.

Then Pastor Tan came and laid hands, didnt feel anything, it was quite peaceful, then after I got up and walk back to my seat area and it seems like after awhile, I started trembling and crying and i just cant stop the tears. Then Pst ask us to pray corporately, I think it was so bad that I grabbed someone from the second row and someone from the third row, that Dawn came to the rescue by pulling me to the third row. And we prayed and then Dawn came over to talk to me after the service, it was like God sending another person to come and talk to me. All these are just out of the mind, a little prayer in the afternoon and here is God working in such a way, its like all these things just to answer my prayer of God show me a direction.

Still all these things may not be for the now, we will just see how things turn out to be in the week ahead but I know and I know that God is calling me to follow Him in the time to come to serve Him at a Full-time capacity. And I thank God that when I was walking back, I saw Joanne lying there on the floor, responding to the altar call. I knew that I had someone who share the same vision as well. I knew that in the time to come, if I needed someone to talk to, there is someone whom I can talk to. And we have a great talk last night after service and after meeting. Thank God for people who are running with this same vision and people who have the calling who would be your pillar of support. I realised that the same doubts that is running through my mind was also in the others. Then I read Denise blog and saw how indeed we are not alone, there are many many who responded to that call not only last night but also throughout all the different services this weekend!!

On a side note, I was reminded of what Howard said once to us (cant even remember when or why he said that), that the pioneers of the church have carried the baton for the past 20 years, we are the next generation of leaders who will carry on the next 20 years. Its amazing- that was what Pst Tan said last night. We are the next generation of leaders indeed!

It may not be now but we know that we have to prepare ourselves and do what we are doing now the best that we can and when the opportunity arises in the future, we can step out and heed the call of God in our lives (:

Looking forward to the next 20 years of City Harvest ahead of us (: I changed my blog skin again!! HAHAHA...well..i always feel that your blog skin got to be YOU, it has got to feel like its you..so everytime i change a blogskin, I just felt that it was ME at that instance in time!! hahaha..actually i was looking at Jiayi and Denise blog and was thinking that I want sth plain as well but when I was surfing for a skin, I cant help but admire all these other beautiful skins around!! hahahaha...

This month has went by so fast that I dint even really realise it, before I knew it, its weekend again. Its a great feeling isnt it, it means that you are not dragging your week, you like what you are doing. I think the best part was that there are always opportunity to listen to great speakers even at work. Not just words that motivates you but these are words that help you to grow. I sat in the room yesterday and listen attentively to possibly one of my favourite speakers talk and was just so blown away by the insights that he has and how it all made sense! Here is a busy man but he always made time for his staff. Perez ask me why do I like listen till wanna cry..hahahha..I guess there are just some stuff that are really relevant to my life right now!!

I was just thinking in the bathroom last night of how the people around me are all scattered over the world right now or going to be. Bestie is in the States, Siang is in Aussie, Geraldine is in South Korea, Laopo is away at Batam, Marg also at Batam, Laoba went over to JB, Ah Xuan is in Taiwan, then like GZ going to China for exchange and stuff like that. You begin to realise that you are all grown up. Like what Helen says, cant believe that we are 23, when you are younger, you think people travel only during the hols and stuff, now when you are older people are overseas travelling, studying, working, mission trips, going overseas seems like a much simpler thing instead of sth that is so complicated! and that is a totally random thought, perhaps the word being Globalised is just stucked in my head.

Looking forward to a great word later with Pastor Tan! (:

Before that going for CNM Homecoming- i am dragging Hongting along cos I dint really wanna go and now Irys says that she is not going. So everything is a little stale right now. sigh. Hope it is good afterall!! But it give me another chance to go back to NUS. ahhahah I think today is one of the most fruitful days that I had at work. Though I cant really remember what happened in the morning but we went out for training in the afternoon and after we came back, I did this series of stuff up for the NUS Caretylst Club- this dream is finally materialising when you put it down in black and white. Woo-hoo!! Not to mention the changes made to the event coming up, feel really really fruitful and this is a nice feeling, I like this kind of feeling- it gives you as much satisfaction as cancelling an item off your to-do list!! hahahah..

Training was interesting but it was not as easy as it seems. Took a small portion of the teaching (of telling a story) of the P1 class and seriously, let me tell you now I know why I dont want to be a teacher!!! Its so hard to get their attention and they dont seem to be answering your question- I simply cant imagine trying to teach them math or english and they just give you THAT blank look, I think this will totally devasted me!!! Maybe I just cant handle really young kids!! But I thought that was really hard!!

But feeling quite drained physically now, i think its the lack of sleep last night (I only slept at 3plus and woke at 7plus) but tml (I mean later!) cannot be late cos we've meeting with big big boss (heehee), so I think that I shall attempt to read one of the readings and then just sleep and rest for tml, cannot fall aslp in the meeting mah!!

I think Ian was puzzled why I wanted to go down to his combined meeting for his personal groups. Well, first of all, its on the way home!! hahaha..ok, that was not the main reason. Actually, I also dont know what was the reason that I wanted to go down to the meeting for. But I know that this is not a decision that I regretted. Yes, its a CGM and I have the sermon but I saw how Ian was able to pick out the points to talk about and how he ministered to the people and most of all, you get yourself soaked in the spiritual atmosphere that was present there. I told him that I want the anointing and indeed, there was much to be learnt but more than that to experience and like what we always say, things are often caught and not taught. It's been a long time since I sat in a meeting like that, just be there and be a member instead of leading the meeting. Just felt that I want to know how that feel, it gives you another perspective about the meeting! (:

And I like the worship which Jiayi led- you can feel the spiritual atmosphere and you can just sense her closeness to the Spirit. I also saw how she disciple her people and her leaders- we may have different styles of leading but I like the way that she would just confront and challenge her people! (: It is no wonder she is a more senior leader, there is just so much more that is in her!! I love to hear Jiayi talk when she is talking about Missions Trips about her friends from Taiwan and from China and about SOT, you can really see how her life was turned around from SOT and how much she experience and encounter in SOT and in her mission trips. All these no one and nothing can ever take it away from here.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HELEN!!!
Helen is a very very very patient person!! I believe that God put her in my life to teach me that. There will be many people who feel that they are better and more eloquent or they feel that they are more talented than her (which may not be the case but anyway its just for illustration purpose) there is so much love in her life that you cant help but be amazed. Her gentleness and care for the people who are placed under her care, her geniueness and love for the people- that really rock my world. Keep on being the great leader that God has called you to be!! (: Though I would still say "Helen answer your phone!!!" hahahha..

Life is like a journey, there is so much to be learnt from everyone around us!! But many times we missed all the opportunity to learn when we allow pride to overtake us. When we reach a point where we say that we are right and the others around us are not, we deprive ourselves of a chance to learn. We always say that People is the only resource that we have in Singapore but how often do we really take time to learn from all these life teachers? Great in their own ways, all have a story to tell and all have admirable traits that we would only be able to pick out if we choose to walk in humility. Humility is not being weak but it is about the recognition of the strengths in other people's lives and not be intimidated by them. This in the rat race to success society that we are brought up in, is something that we underemphasize and overlooked.

Life long learning from life's greatest teachers who are all around you! Ok..i admit that this is really quite random but well, i was glad that i have some leeway from the work that I was supposed to send out tonight so took some time to look at some stuff that just came to my mind. Anyway, actually the reason why I went to look at Yes 933 website was not to look at the charts but when I was looking at it, I thought that this was quite funny:

the 2nd and 3rd song both had the phrase "寂寞" in the title, and I did a brief scroll down and you get your classic love songs title but the use of "寂寞" in 2 out of the 3 top sounds like the world is a very sad and lonely place and though the top song does not have the same phrase too but <<在KTV说爱你>> is likewise a sad song (nothing wrong with that- it happen to be one of my favourite song is Jerry's new album) but it sort of reinforce the fact upon my perception that 3/4 of the songs that we are hearing are about love and of which 90% are about heartbreaks, pain etc. I believe in the healing power of music and there is nothing wrong with all these sad songs, just a thought that was running through my mind about how people seriously express their emotions through music and once again it proved that every song is a story, it could be yours, mine or someone's else but in one way or another, we would find a way to identify with it.

Anyway, like what I was saying, I was looking at some sites for some reasons and i was just looking at the contributors of

and as my computer couldnt really read Chinese words since it reformatted, I couldnt tell whose blog it was talking about but i was deeply attracted to this particular one where it is entitled: Do It My Wei it attracted my attention for OBVIOUS reasons, i thought it was cool that someone thought of putting the "way" as "wei" and since my name also has "wei" I was curious to find out whose blog is this and behold, this very intelligent guy is none other than

that's right Danny Yeo. hahaha..I dont really recall reading his blog before in the past but I must say that it is actually not a bad read (unless you toally hate mandarin and cant stand the sight of it but then again, there is a huge chunk that is in english- dont you just love yourself when you are effectively billingual? hahah). Anyhow, i thought that it was quite good read, with some pretty good insights too! (:

I was reminded of the look that was on Yanzhi's face when she woke up from her beauty sleep on the train to see me reading a Chinese book (you shld see that look- its ALMOST priceless!! heeehee). Well, I know that there isnt exactly a look that is associated with whether you are a english or a chinese kind of person and I think that I definitely dont belong to the english camp but I guess people are still pretty amazed that I can read chinese books (story books mind you! I cant stand 红楼梦 all that too!! although I do feel that perhaps I shld attempt to read them!)

ok, so why did i get to this point? Oh yah, I was looking at some Chinese Publications in Singapore and pretty amazed by the profile of some of the writers, interesting!! Maybe Ah Pei would become one of the writers in the future? I mean, she is one of the few people who blogs in mandarin whom I know! hahaha..Its a good way to earn some money while you are studying wor!! (:

Oh my! 我的天!! Its almost 3am, i think that I better get to sleep, time flies seriously when you are doing nothing and it crawls when you want it to pass faster!! Night world! 晚安了， 这美丽的夜晚! Still need to wake up for work in the morning!! (:

I received the letter from the bank to ask me to clear my debt!! lols..the bank loan repayment for my university studies came in the mail- it sort of make you wake up and realise that you can no longer just hang around and not do anything anymore cos the interest alone can KILL you literally!! Time to buck up and be serious.

Time to take out my to-do list and list out the things that needs to get done so that nothing is missed out. Time to draft out the things that needs to be done in all areas of my life. It is about time to get disciplined and serious about my life (not that I was not serious but I think that I need more discipline!!!!)

Why the sudden thought that i need to be more disciplined?? Dont know, there was this day that I was just in the room and thought that it is about time. Strange, its like one of those days that you just wake up and realised that you have been wasting your life away or sth- not that i have been wasting away my life. Oh wells!

okok..back to doing work!

Ta-ta.. 我从来不曾 怀疑过
到底你有多么爱我
我生命里的每一分钟
都有你看顾着我

有的时候黑暗临到
有的时候巨浪狂风
我心依然满有平安
因为有你看顾我
我的主

不管前面道路有多困苦
耶稣你永远是我的帮助
只要有你在我生命中
永远看顾
我必能一路永跟随
我的主

: : 永遠看顧 : : CHC : :

As i was listening to this song last night, tears just came rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. They always say, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going but before the tough gets going, the tough have to reason in their mind and settle in their heart that they want to and they have to get going. For some this is a decision that is made in an instant but for others, this would take slightly longer than that.

As I look at the situation and the people around me, although I know that I am not alone, there are many many instances that I felt that I am- with no one to turn to. Even if you were just looking for someone to listen to your complaints, even after you complain, you are going to move on from there, you sense that people will feel that "why are you always complaining? I have enough of you!", I stop in my track and I stop what I want to say, what is the point of telling this person anyway? Its not going to make a difference, its not going to change things, so stop complaining- especially to disinterested audience.

Everytime the phone rings, my heart skip a beat, hoping that it is not some bad news. Well, half the time it is, the other half of the time its not. You sort of think that you are losing the things around you and the people around you. You think this way when you begin to think that all these things belonged to you in the first place- I realised that none of the things that I have belong to me but they are all given by God, does this make me feel better? Yes it does and its not just an attempt to make myself feel better. It is only when you realise this that you will know that letting go is not so hard. Yes, we do the best that we can to teach, to help, to disciple but at the end of the day, they decision is not on our end. If man can reject God, the more they can reject us isnt it but we just do our best, just like how God has done His best. Are there disappointments and heartaches? Yes, of cos there are- I think of Jesus and think of the heartaches that He goes through- its what we experience and multiply that by the population of the world, that is the amount that God experience everyday.

"Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain." - Maybe some of our dreams and what we desire needs to die first before it will bear forth any fruits at all. We need to realise that it is not about us and us only, then a new breakthrough will begin to take place.

As I look through my life, I cant help but see the hand of God imprinted on so many and so many of the events that took place. The imprints are usually the clearest during the most difficult parts of my life. I remember that when I was young, I would make a wish and pray to whichever gods that is out there for this one wish that i have, every year I would make that same wish, even though I knew deep down in my heart that the wish coming true is close to zero. And I stopped making that wish ever since I grew older and realised that it is completely impossible to fulfill. But one thing I also realise is that, everything will turn out okay in the end. Not because of who I am and what I am able to accomplish but everytime i stop trying to use all human efforts, the hand of God will step in and intervene on my behalf and begin a work in the mess that my own efforts and own strength have created.

For me, God is not just a revelation, it is not just a understanding, it is not even just an experience. It is a FACT, it is a REALITY, through the times that He had brought me through, through the different seasons in my life, I know and I know and I know that no matter what may come, He is still my God, He is the same yesterday, today and forever and the only thing that the world can never take away is Him- because I did not come to have Him in my life, He was already there in my life all along.

Thank You for always being there and not giving up on me. Allowing me to do what I want but at the end of the day, when I fail and come back running, You are always there. Thank you for being my example in life. I may not be as strong as what people think, but I will be the best that I can be- so that you can be proud of me! (: okaeri sweet home
kaeru bashou yeah
ai wo arigatou

mata heiki no furi wo shite
kanashimi no iro wo nuritsubushite
waratte shimau’n desu

shinjiru koto no taisetsusa
wakatteru no ni iza to iu toki
utagatte shimau yeah

karappo no karada
nagareru toki ni
fuiteshimaisou ni naru kedo
anata no koto dakishimetai
kono kimochi ga tsuki ugokasu no

okaeri im home
hitogoto de mitasareru kokoro
okaeri sweet home
kaeru bashou yeah
ai wo arigatou
sweet home

jibun no koto bakkari wo
kangaeru otona wa zuruin da to
omotteitan desu
demo hisshi ni kaeru koto wo
sakenderu hito mo iru’n da
yatto shitta’n desu

atarimae no shiawase nanka
kono sekai ni hitotsu mo nai
anata no tame, sou omoeta
kono kimochi katsugi ugokasu no

okaeri im home
supiido ga kasokushiteku mainichi
okaeri sweet home
kawaranai zutto aru keshiki
sweet home

sagashite nakushita
kokoro no kizu ga
tachimukau tsuyosa ni kawareta no wa
“okaeri” ga atta kara

okaeri im home
hitogoto de mitasareru kokoro
okaeri sweet home
kaeru bashou yeah
ai wo arigatou

okaeri im home
daijoubu anata ga iru kara
okaeri sweet home
mattete ne mou sugu tsuku kara
sweet home

oh yeah
okaeri…sweet home

:: Okaeri :: Ayaka :: Absolute Boyfriend ::

English Translation
(Credits to: Crystalise)

On the way to my sweet home,
I can already hear the words, "You're home!"*
I am returning to the place that gave me the love that I am so thankful for.**

Blotting out my sadness and painting a smile on my face,
I pretend as if everything is alright.
I admit that although I can understand the importance of belief,
It is in the most critical of moments that I doubt myself.

And though this empty body of mine seems to
Almost float through the passage of time,
There is this feeling that always carries me forward:
The feeling of longing to hold you in my arms.

Before I could even say, "I'm home!"
I could already hear, "You're back!"***
Those very words are enough to cause my heart to brim over.****
Returning to my sweet home,
I could already hear the words, "You're home!"
I am returning to the place that blessed me
with a love that I am forever grateful for:
My sweet home.

I truly believe that those
Who only keep their own interests at heart are characters of deceit;
But I also know that there are those
Who are desperately crying out for change.

Because of you, I have come to appreciate that
There is no such thing as an ordinary happiness in this world...
And it is this knowledge that continues to drive me forward.

Before I could even call out,
"I'm home!" I can already hear, "You’re back!"
In this continued acceleration of everyday life...
I could hear the words,
"You're home!" echoing from my sweet home,
And therein lays a scene that remains eternally unchanging,
There in my sweet home.

Having searched and having lost,
There are emotional wounds that I have to face.
It was in the power of those simple words
That I drew my strength: the words, "You're home."

Already I can hear them say, "You’re back!"
Before I could enter, "I'm home!"
Indeed, their words are more than enough to fill my heart over.
Returning to the sweetness of home,
I can already hear, "You're home!"
I’m heading back to the place where
I owe my debt of gratitude for the love it bestowed upon me:
My sweet home.

I can already hear the words, "You're home!"
As I dream of replying, "I'm home!"
Everything is truly alright now because you are there.
On my way home, I could already hear the words, "You're back!"
Wait for me, I’ll be soon arriving,
My sweet, sweet home.

*Note 1: Literally, "Welcome home, sweet home."
When literally translated it actually makes no sense... which is why quite a number of words were added to make it more comprehensible in English.

**Note 2: Literally, "To this place I am returning, thank you for all your love."

***Note 3: Literally, "Welcome home, I'm home."

****Note 4: Literally, "That one word overflows my heart." But as you noticed, although the Japanese have one word for "welcome home", two words are required for the English language.

***
Okaeri- its a really nice song that goes well with the show. Of cos it made no sense to me cos my Jap is limited to the very little that I learnt when i was in secondary 1.

After looking at the translation, it made quite a lot of sense and it really linked quite well to the show. In the show, the female lead- Riko had always been a failure in love. At the same time, the company is looking for someone to try out their latest invention- a Robot boyfriend (who is supposed to be the perfect and absolute boyfriend that a girl can ever dream of). They found Riko and she stated what she wants in a boyfriend and these traits are all programmed into the Robot who eventually came to be known as Night.

The song made sense cos one of the things that Night would always do is that he would always be Home and welcome Riko back. Everytime that she felt discouraged and disappointed yet everytime when she return home, Night is always there to welcome here back with a meal that is prepared for her. Fitting for the show doesnt it? Nice song.

On a side note: The singer of the song is married to the other main male lead in the show (who acted as Namba Senior in the Jap version of Hana Kimi).

**

After one whole round, I am back to enjoying Jap music- the first time round was when I was still in primary school and cousin has this whole collection of Japanese CDs- at that time was bands like Speed and Smap and stuff like that. At that time, Tokyo Love was the in-drama at that time, together with 101 weddings and stuff like that. Its amazing how far your memories bring you back to on things like that huh? hahah.

**

Came back early last night after dinner with Vann and Yang, we were looking for other things to do but i think everyone are tired and there is pretty much nothing to do in Singapore after about 11pm except for eating. Which seriously is not too healthy. Anyhow, i managed to still take a bus back and save on the cab fare which is a very important thing judging from my bank account statement at this point in time.

Thought I would just wash up and rest early but saw this stack of books from the library which i suppose shld be due soon (Sheesh..i think I better check the dates again soon!) and decided to pick up one of it to read. Finished the book and it made me think alot about some of the things that was on my mind recently.

儿时的梦想- What are your dreams when you were younger? Why and how has it changed? Has the reality and harshness of life convinced us that some of these things cannot be achieved? But why have we bowed down to the reality of life? While memory can take me back to so far back that I can remember what are some of those really random things in my childhood, I was grieved when I cant really recall what are some of the other things that I wanted to do when I was younger. Really hope that it would all come back to my remembrance soon.

**
我有时候在想， 我不喜欢拥有， 是因为我害怕失去！ All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm ...

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

: : Leaving on a Jet Plane : : Chantal Kreviazuk : :


Told Geraldine that this song would be on my blog and it is dedicated to her cos she is leaving on a plane (but not a jet plane though! but a SQ one which i think that would be great man!!) to Korean for her 6mths exchange (jealous!). I am so so so going to miss this girl.


Like i wrote in my note in the FB notes and in the previous post in the blog- she is definitely one person that I am glad that I stayed for Honours Year for! She would accompany me to eat even though she is fasting and at the call for a impromptu outing to do sometimes quite nonsense stuff but she would always be there and she is always enthu!!! Her love for people and for God really rubs off me and inspires you!! (:

Hey girl! I already wrote a very long note in the card!! Take care and have a blast of a time in Korea for this 6mths ok? Say hi to Berri for me ok? Dint get to see him today! *sigh* Must intro my lion to him and they can be friends!! (: hahahhaha..and come back soon but most of all, keep in contact and continue to do so well even when you are in Korea. Find a cute and rich boyfriend like Ji Hoo and make sure that he has a handsome and rich older brother who is single..ahahahha..oh wells..most of all- have the blast of a time there in Korea (bring me in your luggage leh!! hahah)

oh and thanks for teaching me how to play that Korean card game!!! I always see on TV and wanna learn how to play!!! Perfect your Kimchi making skills and come back and make for me ok?? (: ahhaha and go visit Jeju Island and tell me if its really that nice and visit the Teddy Museum so that Berri can make new friends there too!! (: heeeee...

Love you much! *muacks!!!!!* A re-post from my FB notes for those who are not tagged (sorry arh..got tag limit!! hahahha)..

***

Photo albums, notes and posts, the many "thank you"s and "congra"s, the many memories, you cant help but reflect and think about the time that had gone by you- without you realising.

As I look back at the 4 years that had unknowingly went by in NUS, I knew that my journey started more than 4 years ago in that first POS prac for me as an year "zero", feeling a little awkward and out of place and definitely shy, I was really thankful for the seniors that were around then. As I walk in church and wave to these seniors now and even attends their weddings, I marveled at how much impact 1 POS has linked all of us together even over the years.

While the seniors have graduated and went on with the next phase of my life, I look around and uttered a prayer of thanks for the fellow year "zero"s who had stuck by through the 4 years in NUS. We may not meet up alot, I do not even turn up at the studying sessions at Level 6 of the Central Library (which Titus and Yuan Tai painfully organised) but I knew that if I needed someone, they would always be there. And that hold true to the extend that I was looking for people to take photo together in NUS and they are still there- to do this ridiculous thing together. hahaha. Thank you people, you hold a special place in my heart.

Being in CNM, was a strange journey for me. I am not a good writer, I am not exactly your "media" kind of student and to this day, I have people coming up to me thinking that I am a Econs major (hahah). For my year 2 and year 3, I dont even feel belong in NM, I felt like a stranger looking through the looking glass and I felt that I blended into the wallpaper and I merely existed and not lived for the 2 years. I wandered through the halls and the walkways from class to class, always having people to do projects together but never really felt that I belonged anywhere.

Things began to look a little better knowing the gang of NM-ers in a business module (the irony right?): Irys, Hong Ting and Jenn- then, i found people to truly call my friends in NM. My darling Irys, Hong Ting and Jenn, thanks for making the last 3 semesters more bearable! (: And also people like Joanne, TJ, Wenhui, Pegan and many many others!! (:

It took me quite alot of courage (like seriously!! hahaha) to make that decision to do the ISM with Digitorrent group (actually then we were nameless! hahaha). A totally new group of people who already knew each other, and time and again I asked myself why did I choose to do that? But the experience, the help and how in the end everything managed to get done made this a project that I will never forget (: Thanks guys!! (:

Then there are the many others whom I only passed by along the hallways and see in class but never knew by name or hold any recollection which classes they are from (sorry for my failing memory), all of you became part of my life in my final year in NUS. 4101 was an experience and it was from then that I truly felt that I belonged somewhere. Perhaps, it was the note that was passed or posted that says that we should be nicer to one another or what not but I would say that it was in my final year in NUS that I would say that I actually enjoyed going for classes and sometimes even look forward to them. Faces that used to be just another face in the crowd now holds a place and matched with a name (I still have some problems with that though!!).

My regret is and will be that it took me 3 years to integrate into the NM family, leaving me only 1 year to enjoy the presence and the company of this wonderful group of people (whom I think will make the universite ban NM-ers from commencement thereafter!) but I know that I am blessed that at least I have this last year to remember and this is better than having none at all.

And of cos the HAPPENING and Caretalysts group of friends (you know who you are!), you made my decision to stay on for Honours year a truly fulfilling one that I knew that I would never forget. Year 4 was great becos I know that every corner that I turn and everytime that I am in school, I would be bumping into one of you, somewhere, sometime and that thought and encounter would brighten up my day! Continue to brighten up the lives of the many others who are still here in NUS.

The commencement sort of mark the official end of my time here at NUS, it is only now that I wish that I have more time here (hahah! I never thought or imagine myself saying this) but if I were to make the choice again, it would still be NUS and it would still be NM as where I would spend my 4 years. The only difference is- I would treasure and value the time and people that I meet more than I had this time round.

Like I said, I am not a great writer (hahah! just look at my grades for all the writing module!) and I actually wanted this to be on my blog and not here. But I thought, what do I have to lose, to thank the people who have left an indelible mark in my life. You guys rock! So Rock on!! (: Its been a pleasure and I am truly blessed!!

Thanks for everything and the great 4 years! (:

With much love and appreciation! (:

Adalia, Liwei

***
And to those who are not named directly, you shld know who you are- because you made an impact in my life too! (:

Nights The journey of 16 years began even before I learnt how to spell UNIVERSITY. The 3 letter word: NUS was much easier to spell than what it actually mean. For someone who had always set goals and expectations in my life, i know and i think that i have slacken in many ways. The only way that you are going to get something done is when you are focus and you need this fighting spirit, if you dont have the fighting spirit, you are just going through the motion- this is seriously worse than not doing anything at all.

You need to plan about your life, you need to think about what you want to achieve in your life at the end of the day. It is ok to slack sometimes but always know the deadlines- when are you going to have to do something? Dont end up at the end of your life, thinking why have you gone one big round and in the end doing sth that you told yourself that you are not going to do. There is so much that people can help you with, the rest is really up to yourself.

Opportunity doesnt come knocking, you got to go seeking for them. Sometimes, opportunity comes knocking but we know that it doesnt come knocking twice. Getting a rest is to go a longer journey. Eat and sleep but thereafter, you got to rise up and go to the war once again. Life is full of challenges, not to pull us down but for us to overcome. People come and go in our lives, events happen and then people move on but there is one thing that doesnt change, something that is a fact- you cant go back and change history or something that had already happened. And you can never control or force people to do sth against their will, because we are all given a free will. You got to be responsible for the things you do, the decisions that you make and much more so than ever, the words that you speak. The words that you speak either make this world a better place or cause this world to inch nearer to self-destruction. Create the world that you want to live in and not how you want to see other people live in.

Treasure what you have, after you missed it, nothing is going to bring it back to you! 收拾我所有的行李
把沉默般希望反擊
和信心一起旅行


這次要學習不逃避
揮別我所有的恐懼
勇敢的走下去


幸福在這一瞬間
慢慢累積
傷口慢慢正開放
不用擔心
感謝有你 一路有你
風雨信心
多么不容易


你我之間的默契
一點一點
堆積美好的回憶 我會牢記
感謝有你 一路有你
愛 讓一切變得更美麗


傷害我會忘記
明天我會繼續
夢想必定不要放棄
只要心向心
愛就永遠不止息

: : 信心旅途 : : JJ 林俊傑 & Sun 何耀珊 : :

New single by JJ featuring a new duet with Sun!!! Coolness- the power of engaging the marketplace- the impact that you can make and have!! (:

F.I.R's new album is also going to be out soon!!! And one of the first singles released: Hero! (:

Off to doing some work before heading out for lunch with my 2 new found work friends! hahaha..then I guess there will be briefing on what we are supposed to be doing I guess. Goodbye to slacking and free days! (:

Games meeting tonight at 10pm!!! Woo-hoo!! Hope its really going to be short! (: There are many instances where we will wonder, how do we know that God is real? Like for real real?? I dont think that this is faithless but I guess sometimes this shows that we are not just robots programmed to do something but we question and through our questioning, our are assurred once and again about the reality of God. But when I talk about questioning, it is not about doubting and

I was not questioning about the reality of God, to me, that is a FACT. When it is a fact, you dont question it anymore, just like you dont question if you jump you will fall back down cos that is a fact (until someone prove that there is no such thing as gravity- under normal circumstances of cos!). But the thing is God never fail to amaze me again and again.

How do you know that God is real? Not through the endless questioning, not through reasoning and persuasion but through Ginosko = To understand through experience. Many times, we try to put God into an equation, but He is not an equation or a theory to be understood, He is to be experienced!

So why suddenly talking about this issue?? Cos I experienced, I ginosko the reality of God once and again in my life today. Sometimes, God is so prompt and God is so accurate that it scares you (its the Godly fear sort of cos!!) I was just thinking and praying about something, an area in my life that I was burdened about recently from the series of events that took place in the last one month but particularly so in the last 2 weeks in the 2 camps and the planning of the zone service. So, here I am praying and thinking about this issue and before you know it, during the leaders' meeting (combined with MJ) today that in a preaching that is totally NOT related to the area that I was praying about and dealing with, there and there the word of God spoke so clearly into my heart about how the Gifts and the Fruits of the Holy Spirit can only come into my life through the fellowship and communion with the Holy Spirit!! okok..convicted and revelation (i mean revelation in the sense that it brought illumination, not that you dont know that before!).

And then the presence of God was just so strong there and I was there sobbing uncontrollably!!! (yes!!! like seriously!!) and Ian just came over, prayed for me over the exact same area (you must know that I did NOT share or communicated with him with regards to this!!!). At a time like that, you know and you know for sure that God is real. How can someone know what to pray for and about?? It is no coincidence, it is God!!! (: I stood there amazed and touched by the power and the anointing of God in the room.

Really, like what MJ (and he is not Michael Jackson, I know that the initials appear too frequently this week!) shared and preached, we need to feed on the Word of God and we need to Drink the living Water!! This is what that keeps us going. We are First a Believer than a Leader!! Everything goes back and boils down to our relationship and communion with God!!! Amazing!!!

I begin to see how the plans of God begin to unfold right before my eyes. For a whole month and maybe even longer, I was seeking a direction for after graduation and for a long time (or so it seems), there was silence, there was a stillness, there was nothing. I waited and asked and waited and there was still nothing. I begin to feel fear and uncertainly, a sense of loss of not knowing what is ahead of me. As the pressure begin to build up and the push for you to get a job intensifies, I broke down in many instances, unable to deal with the comments and the nagging of many around me.

Looking back, i realised that there are some experiences that I have to go through first. I was glad that I turned down that job offer that I did not feel the peace to take on. I was glad that I went for Elevate! camp and the SWCDC camp, i was glad i was glad that I went to Australia cos all these are not just mere chance events but they are part of what God has in store for me!! Everything has a learning point and everything contributes to what that becomes a vision and a revelation to me. As i begin to embrace what God showed me during the first day of morning prayer meeting after I am back from Australia, I begin to see His hands moving to open the correct doors that will eventually lead to where He had shown me! Seriously, when you do not see God's hands, you got to trust God's heart! For His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways are higher than our ways.

1 July- a new beginning! A new way of living!!
Looking forward to seeing how the hand of God will continue to move and unfold my future and vision right in front of my eyes! And before that, thank God for the word that was spoken to reassure me that I am right in the midst of His masterplan!!!

How do I live without YOU??? I love YOU Lord!! (:

Good nights!
OLDER | NEWER